Is my boyfriend of 2 years truly committed?

[juliejulieleele]

Hello there,

I will keep this as short as I can. But some background info might allow for the best answer

We are both 21. Basically my boyfriend is great, I keep a list of all the wonderful things he does. For example, calling me every night to say goodnight and even being upset when I do not call. To worrying about my safety. His actions have always spoken the most about him. At this point, he actually wants to see me everyday even if its for 2 mins. As for myself, I am caring and want the best for him. I always try to be supportive in his school and I "usually" never nag.
When I want to get my point across I think about it and try to remove my anger and wanting to blame and look for a solution to express my feelings, as I have learned blaming gets me no where.

To describe our relationship, we do not drink or go to bars/clubs. We might go for a friends event or so in a year, I would say we go maybe 3 times at most. We spend more of our time doing quality activities that allow us to develop ourselves and bond over such as taking a salsa class or checking out the zoo or biking. Even watching movie we don't really do as I see it as us really not getting to know each other better. We both agree on this, not just me, in fact we have done so many activities that some times it seems we have done everything in the book that not most couples in 2 years would have done.

The problem: He has shown that he is committed to me and I to him because we keep opposite sex relationships to a minimum as we have encountered in the past that they lead to problems. I did not want to force this on him, he came to this conclusion and I myself and we both agreed. Now, his friend who is not that great with women was asking for his help to go to bars to pick up women. I told him to go but I think that he is putting himself in a situation where it would get us into a bad place. Yes, he is helping his friend however in a place where he would have to double date essentially these girls so that his friend can get laid..I think the friend is putting him in an awkward situation asking this of him. While he can control himself I just think that this friend will require more and more of him as my boyfriend put it "its like he wants me to find him a wife" .. I have just found that getting involved this way is not a good idea especially when at a bar or club other girls will want both of them to dance etc. This is not cool with me as we have both established because he would never want me to do this to him.

So he told me how much he loves me and cares for me and doesnt want to go because it would affect our relationship AND that if he does go, that he wants me to be there. Wonderful, amazing.
Now I found out that he told his friend.. I was being crazy and how I kept going on and on and now if "we" go.."she wants to come along too"

I felt very upset when I found this out. And I spoke out of anger and said some hurtful things about past events which I should not have. So he tuned me out and didnt want to bother since he thought i think he is a horrible person. I felt upset moreover that it concerned me what he was "truly" thinking. not to me, or to his friend. But I don't want for him to be resentful towards me rather than it be his own choice? Because then it will be hard. Either that or I felt like he couldnt stand up for himself.
TO himself, which one is it? After bringing up the past he felt defeated and my point just got thrown out the window. I should have stuck to one thing and not done that.

I want him to not go because it is his choice, which I thought is what he said to me..but clearly not to his friend. He said yes he used me as an excuse. but overall was he just sweet talking me. It would be a disaster for him to resent me, and not his own choice and I do not want to hold him back.
Can anybody advise me? I really appreciate it

[pcmaster]

Just say him to be direct in future and dont hide behind your back so you dont end up in these akward situations. Its great that your BF wants to get you out there, that means he have nothing to hide from you.

[smackie9]

I totally get him......he didn't mean those things literally, even I can see that from here. Ya he did use you as an excuse so he could have better control over the situation so what's wrong with that? Guys do that all the time so they don't look like a wuss in front of their buddies.

Stop being so jealous, he's a guy, and yes guys check other girls out no matter where they are, and guess what you can't stop that from happening ever. Even if you put restrictions on where he goes.....he is still going to do it, it's the god's honest truth.

The club or bar isn't as bad as you think it is. You could actually enjoy yourselves with this new experience.

[juliejulieleele]

I totally get him......he didn't mean those things literally, even I can see that from here. Ya he did use you as an excuse so he could have better control over the situation so what's wrong with that? Guys do that all the time so they don't look like a wuss in front of their buddies.

Stop being so jealous, he's a guy, and yes guys check other girls out no matter where they are, and guess what you can't stop that from happening ever. Even if you put restrictions on where he goes.....he is still going to do it, it's the god's honest truth.

The club or bar isn't as bad as you think it is. You could actually enjoy yourselves with this new experience.

This has nothing to do with not allowing him to go. Sure, I check out guys all the time too what is your point? This is not just checking out girls, its knowingly going and spending who knows how many dates or nights, to satisfy HIS friend's needs, not his needs or best interest, to get laid. Which means inviting my boyfriend to participate in speaking with other girls, dancing with them, appeasing them to appease his friend's needs. That is more than just checking out..


Yes of course but I wouldbe appreciated at least being told hey, i'm going to use you as an excuse that I would have understood. But i don't want his friend hating me esepcially when we see each other a decent amount of times. It felt pretty bad to hear him tell me one story and say to his friend another but moreover this isnt about me actually. It's about well, which one is it to him.. I don't want him to NOT go because of me or else he would resent me,. He should choose to not go because it is his choice so that is why I am here asking the question for clarification on what I have found out.

If I told my girlfriend who loves to club I don't want to go because of him, I would be at home feeling like I am missing out and resenting him. But I make the choice for myself and don't miss a thing. I just want to know okay he said what he said as an excuse but really he's not missing out, as I said I don't want to hold him back if not his own choice.

[smackie9]

hey btw I never said you didn't make the choice to stay home, I never insinuated that at all. And I didn't mention anything about YOU not allowing him to go. It's obvious you are uncomfortable with him going, that is why I said those things about him checking out other girls.

Anyways I have a question.....by what means did you find out what he had said to his friend about you?

[smackie9]

THIS: Ya he did use you as an excuse so he could have better control over the situation so what's wrong with that? Guys do that all the time so they don't look like a wuss in front of their buddies...........is your answer. I think you are over reacting and making this out to be more than it actually is.

What is really making you paranoid out of all this? You snoop his FB? his phone? his emails?