I just had the " I need space talk" ? ? ? ? ?

[smiling100]

Hi everyone Just in need of some friendly advice

I began dating this wonderful lady for a few months after she recently came out of a relationship a few months prior. I asked her at first was it to soon & she said no. So we gave it a go.

Long story short is yes it was to soon. It's been great then not so great. I said it's ok if you want to end it & no hard feelings. I understand as i've been in your position before. I just have to grin & bear it as I know she did not intentionally mean to hurt me.

She said she doesn't want to lose me & wants to heal & needs a few weeks to herself. I said no problem & I totally understand. I know she does care for me & thinks i'm a great guy etc cause she keeps telling me. She said I need to be strong for us which I have been for the past week.

I do really like her so we have agreed to stay in touch via text so we can still have a connection. I am going to give her space & let her initiate contact.

So is it the beginning of the end? or the beginning of something wonderful? She has basically told me she wants this to work & needs time.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

I'd be interested to know the womens perspective as from my own I would not string someone along if I had no intention of being with them


all the best

Smiling

[Boisdevie]

Impossible to say one way or the other. On the negative side she should have had her head straight before starting all this. On the positive side she was able to aknowledge that she made a mistake and told you what she needed so she does have good communication skills. You can only give her the time she wants and see what happens. Good luck.

[TablesandChairs]

Give her some time, it's impossible to tell at this stage. How things progress depends on how much time she needs...if you're going on two months and still nothing, then you're going to get pretty annoyed, I think.

[smiling100]

Thanks for your replies.

Yes ive never been in this situation before & ive given her space / no contact all week. All ive heard from her in the last week has been a few minimal texts saying hi with lots of hugs & kisses.

Tbh i feel quite odd doing this. It is playing with my head.

[smackie9]

Most likely the ex is trying to get back with her, and shameful as it is she might consider it. That is why she needs space...she doesn't know what to do. Seen it a million times, but I could be wrong. Me personally would give it a month and if nothing happens just move on.

IMO it really isn't fair to you...first she says it's OK, then all of a sudden it's not, but then she wants you to wait?...that's crap. Ya you bet it's playing with your head because it's not fair and it's wrong. I would just go no contact and start dating again tbh.

[smiling100]

Yes it's certainly an odd situation to be in. I have to assume she is being genuine as i've never & could never do this to someone just to string them along.

I am going no contact I just hope she gives me the respect & gives me closure if she can't do it as i've done nothing wrong

[vashti]

I hate to say it, but depending on how long her last relationship was, she is likely still hung up. A few months is nothing. I am in a similar situation to this woman, and I can tell you that I still think of that last jackass (and the hurt he caused) every single day. It's been 3.5 months, and I was involved with him for 2.5 years.

I am dating casually, and have had to tell a very nice man that I am not interested in having a boyfriend, because I am still not right.

[TablesandChairs]

In all honesty, if you're 100% keen on someone, you're not going to risk losing them...you might say you want a bit more time to yourself, but you wouldn't cut them off completely. Nothing wrong with seeing each other once a week, for example...relationships need face-time, even if you're slowing things down.

[smiling100]

I hate to say it, but depending on how long her last relationship was, she is likely still hung up. A few months is nothing. I am in a similar situation to this woman, and I can tell you that I still think of that last jackass (and the hurt he caused) every single day. It's been 3.5 months, and I was involved with him for 2.5 years.

I am dating casually, and have had to tell a very nice man that I am not interested in having a boyfriend, because I am still not right.

That's nice of you to not string the new guy along

In my situation her last relationship was under 6 months & they wern't living together. I know a good friend of hers & she said if she was getting back with him she would tell me

[smiling100]

In all honesty, if you're 100% keen on someone, you're not going to risk losing them...you might say you want a bit more time to yourself, but you wouldn't cut them off completely. Nothing wrong with seeing each other once a week, for example...relationships need face-time, even if you're slowing things down.

I'm not disagreeing with you though if she was 100% in wanting to break up with me I assume she would just do it? She knows i'm not forcing to do this.

I know when i've been in that situation that's what i'd do. Set the person free so to speak so they can get along with their life

I don't want to call it as i'm quite interested to see where this ends up. I'm handling it quite well today.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You need to start dating other girls and treat it as a complete break up. Stop initiating contact with her, and be short with her when she initiates. Every time she says hi, ask when she wants to come over. Be direct, and let her know the only way she gets attention from you is to give you a lot in return. It's much more difficult to string you along if you aren't a bitch. In all likelihood, she is going to try, even if you think she's this great person who wouldn't do that.

[smackie9]

We've heard this "I want a break" before.....it's usually a cowards way of breaking up. I agree with Backup, you are best to treat it like a breakup. I'm not saying go out and boink someone, but don't be the one to be sitting at home checking your phone every 2 mins.

[smiling100]

Well yes i'm getting the bread crumb texts now.

Pretty sure the writing is on the wall. Oh well!

I'll be really surprised if she is trying to get out the cowardly way though i'm starting to think this maybe the case. I just can't get my head around it as I have never & would never treat someone in this way.

Is it really that hard to end it?

[smackie9]

Yup for some it is.....it's easier to breakup if you have been fighting like cats and dogs, but when there really isn't any wrong with the relationship, there's a lot of guilt.

[smiling100]

True.

Easier said than done though all we can do is stay strong & move fwd if need be