When he says i love you

[hkh8871]

Ive been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. We add in an LDR because im getting a medical degree in Europe and he lives in the USA. We see each other every 4-6 weeks because he visits me in europe 2 times a year for 10 days and i fly home for 3 months 2 times a year. He was in a relationship 2 years ago for 3 years and it was VERY turbulent. He calls me his love and asks me questions if im upset like "don't you love me any,ore" but he has never come out and said i love you... Is it a guy thing not to say it or does he really not love me or what

[Boisdevie]

Why not ask him. He's far more likely to know than us.

[smackie9]

He sounds a bit gun shy, and needs to be reaffirmed that your feeling are true....LDR's are difficult because of the distance....trust becomes a huge issue.

[hkh8871]

So to ask for more advice- he arrived yesterday to visit me and things were good. we haven't really had a chance to have a talk but i feel like i just want to have some fun and bring happiness and mutual enjoyment back to us before we talk. the only thing is...and i know this is a big NO NO but he logged into his Facebook on my computer and didn't log off...well when i wanted to log in it automatically went to his site and i really tried not to look but curiosity got the best of me and i just casually glanced at the first conversation with his best friend...well in that conversation his friend tells him that he should text his ex as a congratulations for getting into law school and that she likes knowing he still cares...to which my boyfriend replied i don't want to text her while her boyfriend is still in the picture and that she had texted him earlier that day and his friend said oh well she asks me about your girlfriend (me) sometimes and that he tells her nothing other than we are happy to which my boyfriend replies "next time you should say 'you guys should get back together'" and his friend responds with "will do" and then the conversation just went a different way!! i'm so confused right now!! this is a girl he dated for 3 years in college and was supposedly awful too and then he was heartbroken when they broke up and for a year he tried to get her back and it didn't work...i thought he moved past her but obviously not.....and another part of the conversation was him asking his friend (same friend) to bring girls with him and his friend said he only knows girls x,y and z (which are coincidentally my friends) and then my boyfriend responds with "aka those are the only girls my gf knows in this whole city" to which his friend replies with "ohhh ok"..................this all happened about the middle of october when we never spoke but it makes me wonder what the hell he is doing here.......why would someone be in a relationship when they really just want their ex? or other girls? as a disclaimer- i really wasn't trying to snoop! i leave all his things alone all the time even if i have the perfect opportunity to look through things (i used to be a big snooper but have made a point to not do it in this relationship) but this seems to just have fallen into my lap and now i'm at a loss. i don't know how to react towards him but he has been being affectionate and sweet and holding me and kissing me...its so confusing!!

[smackie9]

Ask him.....ask him where this relationship is going and say because I feel it's not progressing.

[smackie9]

btw....some guys just have a GF to just have a GF.....for the company and the sex and nothing more.

[Mohamed.Ahmed]

Ask him.....ask him where this relationship is going and say because I feel it's not progressing. that's the right thing to do.

[hkh8871]

I agree with you all. These comments he made were in mid october and i just saw them niw. it has not left my mind but his behavior is throwing me for a loop. He is so affectionate and when he thinks im sleeping hell kiss me on my cheek amd stroke my hair and hell just be so sweeet where i think...why? He even talks about the future amd the next time we will see each other and what we will do......it makes leaving him so much harder

[Cbud92]

Ask him!.. but remember, sometimes a person won't tell you they love you because they're simply not ready to open themselves up like that.

[bessieb]

Totally agree with Cbud92, my guy loves me but doesn't tell me, he can't open up like that but he shows me in so many different ways and makes me feel it as well.

[Cbud92]

Yup! Some people are just -really- afraid of the word itself. One day though, they'll open up to you and when they say it that one time it will be just THAT more magical!

[hkh8871]

So just in case anyone was wondering- I wanted to update a bit on how my LDR is. He just left back to America today after a week together- it was not perfect but it was nice and fun and I think exactly what we needed to get back on track and find our ways back to each other. I mean there was definitely a bit of distance but I think that it's probably for the best- mainly on my part because he was becoming too much of my "whole life" instead of a part of my life that is making me happy- which i guess was a source of one of the problems. He did admit to me that he before we were "officially" together had kissed another girl and even slept with her but after he had had sex with me for the first time he didn't have sex with anyone and that after we were "officially" together that nothing ever happened- so I was a bit upset but in the end he didn't "break any rules". When he left this morning I cried like I usually do and he wiped away my tears and held me and kissed me and said that its only 6 weeks til we see each other and that he had fun with me here. It'll get easier with time I know but the first few days of being apart are always difficult. I'm hoping our communication will get better now that we both have let go of a lot of resentment and are happier to be in this relationship together. He still hasn't said I love you, but neither have i so I guess that will come on it's own time. I'm hoping that the texts I saw were just flukes because we weren't clicking so well and he thought that I was going to break up with him...I guess I will have to take a leap of faith on that one.

[Tug]

why would someone be in a relationship when they really just want their ex? or other girls? as a disclaimer

I just broke up with my g/f for the same reason. We lived together and when she was home or we were out and about I couldnt ask for a more caring loving g/f but when she left for work or to the gym unbeknownst to me she was always calling or texting her ex. That went on for 2 years before I found out about it and another year after she said she stopped all communication with him. What sucks is they tell you they love you and show you how they feel when their with you but the minute your back is turned and you read something like their FB page you see how they really feel about you and it completely contradicts everything he's told/showed you. Personally I wouldnt put up with it, he's shown you how he feels when your not around, why waste your time?

[smackie9]

Ya how can you prove that there isn't a girl warming up his bed when he gets home?

[hkh8871]

I guess isn't that part of a relationship- to trust that the other person isn't doing that? I mean there is no way to prove it- I just know that my friends would tell me because 100% they would find out. Also he lives at home so it's not like he can just bring home random girls when his parents live there- I know this because his parents are highly religious and would never approve. They only let me because we are in a relationship