Why am I so unpopular with the ladies?

[uri]

I have always been very unpopular with the ladies.

And all throughout elementary, middle and high school the ladies have been ignoring and avoiding me and also in these days I get the feeling that I'm not very much liked by the ladies.

Also all throughout my school years (elementary, middle and high school) I was being abused (and by abused I mean bullied) by the males and I always felt kind of lonely and socially isolated throughout my school years. It's like I couldn't connect very well to the other males in my school.

What I want to know is: Why am I so unpopular with the ladies while other men are so popular and are always surrounded by ladies?

[Boisdevie]

What I want to know is: Why am I so unpopular with the ladies while other men are so popular and are always surrounded by ladies?

You're asking a question that's impossible for us to answer. Why not ask people that actually know you - friends, relatives, parents?

[Kromat83]

I have always been very unpopular with the ladies.

And all throughout elementary, middle and high school the ladies have been ignoring and avoiding me and also in these days I get the feeling that I'm not very much liked by the ladies.

Also all throughout my school years (elementary, middle and high school) I was being abused (and by abused I mean bullied) by the males and I always felt kind of lonely and socially isolated throughout my school years. It's like I couldn't connect very well to the other males in my school.

What I want to know is: Why am I so unpopular with the ladies while other men are so popular and are always surrounded by ladies?

It's not that they are avoiding you or don't like you, but you seem very closed off and not approachable.
Just talk to them like any other of your friends and about things that might interest them.
I learned it by myself that when you are confident about what your talking about and don't let negativity from others bring you down, because you know yourself better than anyone else.
Stay optimistic, have goals in mind and let woman find you, by not trying as hard, but visiting various social events and start light hearted conversations about what is going in with your school stuff, weather, anything in the news, certain activities you've been meaning to try, what current hobbies you have a passion for ... keep yourself as busy as possible.
Don't over analyze the situation, and read her body language and back away, if it's not what she wants, and she'll respect that.
Don't be afraid to take risks, and try new things, read books, watch documentaries, just do things that will make your conversations more interesting.
P.S. I know how it feels, I barely had any interaction with women throughout high school and it wasn't until I started dancing that my confidence started to grow by even approaching them.
Still had to work on what to say, but the more you try it, the better you get.

[TheEvilJester]

How old are you? I went through a lot of this too, so I know just how you feel. Early on in school, I was always either bullied, or just 100% isolated and ignored. I was shy enough as it is, so that sure as Hell didn't help make me any less shy. By the time I made it to high school, I was DONE with all that. I was one angry mother F-word. I never necessarily intended this, but people were scared to death of me. So, I probably didn't do myself any favors there.

I know this just sounds like a line, and doesn't seem very helpful, but it really is something you need to find in yourself. I will say this, there will always be A-Holes in every walk of life you encounter. However, once you hit college, and especially beyond, people start to grow up a little. Granted, college (especially the dorm life style of college) can almost be like High School 2: The Sequel. But, a lot of people start to realize they need to grow up in college. My college experience saw me slowly start to become a little less angry, and the vast majority of people were good people. They were fairly cool.

That will help big time. When you are of grade school age, lets face it, almost everybody is a complete a-hole. So, shy people like us pretty much don't stand a chance of much of a normal social life. But, that does change. Take it from me.

The best thing you can do is to try to pursue activities you enjoy. Other people will be likely to enjoy them as well, and you will meet people there. Even if they are just male friends, that will help you gain some confidence. Again, I know this sounds like BS, but once you start to gain a little confidence, it gets a little easier to gain more for other things. Take it from me. I've lived through it.

If you are as shy as I am, then my MOST IMPORTANT piece of advice would be this....


Unfortunately, it is never really going to change. Guys like us, we are always going to be crazy shy. What CAN change is that you can slowly stop letting it control you. Throw yourself out there and try. Also, remember that if you try and are rejected, either just by peers in general, or by romantic interests, then you know something.... That is their loss. Just move on and try again.

Good luck! I think a lot of us, myself included, definitely know how you feel.

[DalM0m]

I'm sorry that you were bullied. that's awful & no one should have to go through that.

You can't really measure your current life based on elementary & middle school.

High school is a time when people start to come into themselves but it's the beginning of the process, not the end.

Popularity alone is not a good indicator of whether you are a quality indicator. Women do tend to be attractive to men who are interesting & confident. You don't have to be interesting to everyone, just that special girl who you like. You also don't have to be confident in everything but you should at least be comfortable in your own skin. If you were bullied, that probably shook your confidence & you may need some help building it back up. But once you do, things will get better.

[kitejr]

Based on what you've said, it sounds like your beta while being picked on by alphas. Nothing wrong with being beta, but it's a bit harder to get in with the females. Like someone else said, ask people who actually know you. Without having spent any time with you, I can't give you a proper idea of why women aren't interested.

[FAndrews]

You have my sympathies, i had similar experiences at school that left a mark on me. confidence and self-esteem are an uphill struggle, the trick is to not let it control you, as I try to tell myself. I wish you luck, a lot of the advice above is very useful and worth listening to.

[JenAlexisLuv]

Without knowing you I can't really give you an answer...but you know what the saying is, is that the girls never go for the "good" guys. Maybe you're a good guy, but it all comes down if someone is attracted to you or not, not gonna beat around the bush with that one.

[MrJones22]

Stop thinking of them as "the ladies" - that's your problem. For every weird anti-social awkward guy, there is a similar woman.

Who knows, maybe most women will always see you as unapproachable. You can try to change yourself to reverse that, or you can accept who you are and figure out what kind of girl you have something in common with.

You think you can't do it because you were bullied in school? Let me tell you, women are 10x worse at bullying each other than men.

[TheEvilJester]

You have my sympathies, i had similar experiences at school that left a mark on me. confidence and self-esteem are an uphill struggle, the trick is to not let it control you, as I try to tell myself. I wish you luck, a lot of the advice above is very useful and worth listening to.

Really sounds like uri, FAndrews, and I are like brothers from another mother. LOL! FAndrews, you and I seem to have a lot in common. If we lived nearby, we should totally be each other's "wingman." LOL! Maybe two shy guys working together could help each other stop being quite so shy.

Anyways, again, I want to reiterate that the most important thing shy guys like us can learn is not what so many people try to tell us.... "Just don't be so shy." ... Yeah. Like that helps. LOL! It isn't that easy, and the fact is we will ALWAYS be extremely shy. The best advice for us shy guys is to learn how to blast past it anyway. We can't wait around hoping some day we won't be so shy anymore. We have to accept that we are shy and start to take the steps to be able to get around that, and not let it hold us back.

It is a life-long struggle. I am still getting over it in large degree myself. I am a lot less shy now through my efforts, but I still never really learned how to talk to/date women. Now that my horrible mistake of a relationship is over, I am just about ready to finally push through that hurdle too. ...I guess "jump over" that hurdle would be the more appropriate phrase, but I more so like the idea of pushing through the hurdle. LOL! It is clunky and you may stumble a lot, but eventually you'll get around it if you just stick to it. Sounds a lot more accurate for us shy guys.

[uri]

I'm probably just too ugly and poor to get affection from pretty ladies. I don't even know how to start a sentence without sounding like a loser.

I've probably never going to have a girlfriend because I'm too ugly, too poor and too cowardly.

I have not much to offer to a beautiful lady so why even bother?

[TheEvilJester]

My friend, I know how you feel. But, that is exactly the kind of thinking you have to put behind you. I always used to feel the same way. As hard as it may seem, you have to leave that kind of thinking in the back of your mind, and don't let it control you. I'm not going to tell you NOT to think that. That isn't helpful advice to give to guys like us. We can't help but think like that. I'm going to tell you what truly helps, which is to learn that, even if you think that, others probably do not.

I would be willing to bet you are being too hard on yourself. But, by giving in to this kind of thinking, you aren't giving somebody a chance to prove you wrong. So, put those thoughts at the back of your mind, and just do your best to get out there anyway. You may get rejected (everybody does at some point) but just no that this is really no reflection on you. I mean, even good looking dudes get rejected. If a girl rejects you, quite frankly maybe she wasn't the right person for you anyway.

Good luck, friendly friend. In the meantime, maybe try to explore some hobbies. You will be surprised at how much making friends helps. If you put aside worrying about love for a while and just make friends with people, they will help you to feel a little better about yourself, even if they don't know they are doing it. I know it sounds hard to believe, but I have been where you are. It really does help. Not saying it will ever be easy. She guys like us will always battle with it. But, it can get better if you work at it. ;-)

[uri]

My friend, I know how you feel. But, that is exactly the kind of thinking you have to put behind you. I always used to feel the same way. As hard as it may seem, you have to leave that kind of thinking in the back of your mind, and don't let it control you. I'm not going to tell you NOT to think that. That isn't helpful advice to give to guys like us. We can't help but think like that. I'm going to tell you what truly helps, which is to learn that, even if you think that, others probably do not.

I would be willing to bet you are being too hard on yourself. But, by giving in to this kind of thinking, you aren't giving somebody a chance to prove you wrong. So, put those thoughts at the back of your mind, and just do your best to get out there anyway. You may get rejected (everybody does at some point) but just no that this is really no reflection on you. I mean, even good looking dudes get rejected. If a girl rejects you, quite frankly maybe she wasn't the right person for you anyway.

Good luck, friendly friend. In the meantime, maybe try to explore some hobbies. You will be surprised at how much making friends helps. If you put aside worrying about love for a while and just make friends with people, they will help you to feel a little better about yourself, even if they don't know they are doing it. I know it sounds hard to believe, but I have been where you are. It really does help. Not saying it will ever be easy. She guys like us will always battle with it. But, it can get better if you work at it. ;-)

Thank you for the kind advice TheEvilJester.

But no being able to get a girlfriend is not the problem. There are many men in the world who never had a girlfriend (and probably never will).

It is just the social stigma which comes with never having had a girlfriend. People tend to think that you are gay if you never had a girlfriend by the time you are 30.

The problem is that many people just cannot conceive that some people just were not designed by nature to be appealing to the opposite sex.

[DalM0m]

I'm probably just too ugly and poor to get affection from pretty ladies. I don't even know how to start a sentence without sounding like a loser.

I've probably never going to have a girlfriend because I'm too ugly, too poor and too cowardly.

I have not much to offer to a beautiful lady so why even bother?

You have self esteem issues. There is a lid for every pot. The whole world is not made up of super models.

If you are poor and unhappy about that do something to change your economic situation.

If you are shy work on building your confidence. There is a great group called ToastMasters which helps people.

You are correct that if you go around saying I'm an ugly loser, you probably will not get a girlfriend. If you can stop that & have a brighter outlook, it will help your quest.

[FAndrews]

lol yeah EvilJester i've been after a 'wingman' myself for ages, and yeah positive thinking is very important, once you get confidence and self-esteem in other areas it rubs off to all parts of your life. negative thinking never gets you anywhere, except into a worse state; trust me i have the same problems and issues and trying to fight them, don't let them control you.