Why always me.. Broken hearted.. sensitive subject

[michelle23]

Learn your lesson. Stay the hell away from taken women. 99% of the time the third party loses coz you cant just hop from one relationship to the next. We all need healing time in between. Common sense man! Affairs almost never work out-its just a silly fantasy that immoral assholes engage in. In future think before you act!

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[DalM0m]

I want to tell her what I can offer her with sending her Children to a private school with buying a nice house. It is more about her children and not just about me and her.

So you want to buy the affections of her & her children? Not a good idea at all. A women who genuinely cares about you won't care what's in your bank account (as long as their is something or you are at least gainfully employed because after college, you really can't live on love)

[loverman1]

It's about what I can offer her family, she's a loving mum and her children come first or are a major consideration.

I remember I once told her, "I will make sure your ok". So I will do, I will make sure she's loved and happy, I will make sure she's in-love even If Its not with me.

[basilandthyme]

It's about what I can offer her family, she's a loving mum and her children come first or are a major consideration.

I remember I once told her, "I will make sure your ok". So I will do, I will make sure she's loved and happy, I will make sure she's in-love even If Its not with me.

So you are happy to be desired only for your financial value.

You, sir, appear to be the master of your own misfortunes. In your title, you asked "why always me?" The answer would be "because you make such poor decisions"

[namemyname]

Why you? Because you sought out someone who was already involved. You purposely picked someone unavailable, and now you're complaining she's unavailable.

Hmmm...

[TablesandChairs]

You need to do some work on yourself. I think you're a kind person but why are you over-compensating so much? It's not your responsibility to offer payment for her kids' private schools etc. - these are huge statements to make after only having an 'affair' with someone and not an actual relationship. It reeks of desperation and insecurity - it's like 'be with me, look at all I can give you'. With that attitude, you'll suffer a life-time of broken hearts. This woman was unavailable from the start and used you because you're kind and giving. But when push comes to shove, she shoved you.

Get real with yourself. Slow down. Look at the situation. If a person is already in a relationship - you either back away or give them a choice. Either way, you shouldn't have to offer someone money and a house and so forth just so they choose you - they should choose you for you primarily, not for what you provide. It's not your responsibility to be concerned about her children's education and whatever - that might come in time, but so early on? You need to get real with yourself. Why are you putting yourself out there to that extent? Do you think the only way you can get a woman is to give her every financial motivation to be with you?

You say she's nice and kind but she took advantage of you, whether you see it in that way or not. When it came to boiling point, she chose to lie (say you were just friends) and to drop you like a used rag the moment her boyfriend caught wind of infidelity. Where I'm from, single mothers have a hard enough time getting any partner, let alone one that wants to take on fatherly responsibility towards kids that aren't his.

[loverman1]

In love i'm hopeless I know.

You need to do some work on yourself. I think you're a kind person but why are you over-compensating so much? It's not your responsibility to offer payment for her kids' private schools etc. - these are huge statements to make after only having an 'affair' with someone and not an actual relationship. It reeks of desperation and insecurity - it's like 'be with me, look at all I can give you'. With that attitude, you'll suffer a life-time of broken hearts. This woman was unavailable from the start and used you because you're kind and giving. But when push comes to shove, she shoved you.

Get real with yourself. Slow down. Look at the situation. If a person is already in a relationship - you either back away or give them a choice. Either way, you shouldn't have to offer someone money and a house and so forth just so they choose you - they should choose you for you primarily, not for what you provide. It's not your responsibility to be concerned about her children's education and whatever - that might come in time, but so early on? You need to get real with yourself. Why are you putting yourself out there to that extent? Do you think the only way you can get a woman is to give her every financial motivation to be with you?

You say she's nice and kind but she took advantage of you, whether you see it in that way or not. When it came to boiling point, she chose to lie (say you were just friends) and to drop you like a used rag the moment her boyfriend caught wind of infidelity. Where I'm from, single mothers have a hard enough time getting any partner, let alone one that wants to take on fatherly responsibility towards kids that aren't his.

I'm making it sound like she's a bad person this is my fault.. She's really very sensitive and compassionate, and loving, are situation is and was very complicated for many many reasons. But I think she was afraid to be with me.. When she told me she doesn't want me she said "I don't want you to destroy my life" and she's said many times, that she can't believe me. It's like I'm too much of a risk. I think her choice is about her children or its just too much of a risk to start again for there sake.. She did really want to tell her partner it's over with him but in the end it was all too much, and maybe I pushed her too much.

She really does really like me I'm sure, and really does care so there are answers I need to find out, even when she broke up with me she said "but don't find another girl in the factory" while almost in tears.

Our whole relationship comes down to faith and trust and we didn't have enough time, maybe I wont tell her what I can offer her, or maybe I will but it's not really the point. The point is making someone believe in you. Maybe now it's all too late because she wants a life with her partner, and maybe I wasn't enough. All this I will find out because we will continue to sit together at our break time. When you love a girl, its no longer about yourself its about them, so I will make sure she made the correct choice, not just a choice because she felt pressured or afraid.

[DalM0m]

It's not necessarily that you "weren't enough". It's that your timing was wrong. She was already TAKEN by the time you came into her life.

She has a partner. Her children have some stability. Even if you think her situation is not ideal, she's allowed to make her own decisions & her own mistakes. She knows where the door is if she wants to leave. She knows where you are. She had chosen to stay where she is. You need to respect that decision.

[jam]

5 page letter! Well, i think she just used you. I don't think she ever was in a place where she wanted you over her current partner.

Forget about her and move on.

[loverman1]

It's not necessarily that you "weren't enough". It's that your timing was wrong. She was already TAKEN by the time you came into her life.

She has a partner. Her children have some stability. Even if you think her situation is not ideal, she's allowed to make her own decisions & her own mistakes. She knows where the door is if she wants to leave. She knows where you are. She had chosen to stay where she is. You need to respect that decision.

I understand what you mean, and you have to let people make there own mistakes, but I will find out the answers. I can live with being "not enough" but I can't live with the fact that I didn't make her believe in me, I believe there is still time for that I hope. I know what I'm doing anyway, and I'm not just doing it for me, I'm doing it more for her, my time I will give to her...

[TablesandChairs]

Why would you want to be in a relationship more for her/her kids? What do you owe them? Are you some sacrificial lamb? These people aren't living under a bridge, starving to death. You don't need to 'save' them from anything. They're okay. If you want to be charitable, work for Save the Children or other such charitable organisations.

Also, why doesn't she believe in you, exactly? She's the one cheating, not you. If anything, it should be you having grave concerns about her. She doesn't need saving, she's a grown woman and a mother. She knows what she's doing. You're the only one hurting - she's got her boyfriend and her kids. She's fine.

Have some more concern for yourself, you're not scrap meat that's fallen off the factory line. It's not your duty to save every bored mother out there. You can't seriously be complaining about broken hearts when you behave like this.

[loverman1]

Why would you want to be in a relationship more for her/her kids? What do you owe them? Are you some sacrificial lamb? These people aren't living under a bridge, starving to death. You don't need to 'save' them from anything. They're okay. If you want to be charitable, work for Save the Children or other such charitable organisations.

Also, why doesn't she believe in you, exactly? She's the one cheating, not you. If anything, it should be you having grave concerns about her. She doesn't need saving, she's a grown woman and a mother. She knows what she's doing. You're the only one hurting - she's got her boyfriend and her kids. She's fine.

Have some more concern for yourself, you're not scrap meat that's fallen off the factory line. It's not your duty to save every bored mother out there. You can't seriously be complaining about broken hearts when you behave like this.

Because I love her, that's what you do if you love them, I will make sure she hasn't made a mistake. I'm not interested in the pain, I'm interested in what I believe in. I'm not even saying I can ever be with her now, I just want to give it some time, and make sure her guy is the best choice. I will be ok!

Thanks for all your responses.

[basilandthyme]

Because I love her, that's what you do if you love them, I will make sure she hasn't made a mistake. I'm not interested in the pain, I'm interested in what I believe in. I'm not even saying I can ever be with her now, I just want to give it some time, and make sure her guy is the best choice. I will be ok!

for what it's worth, if a potential partner was wanting to "make sure" I was making a good choice, I'd run for the hills. Not only is it controlling and patronising, it would make it clear that he doesn't trust me to make a good decision for myself.

All round deal-breaking behaviour on your part.

[talllshyguy52]

A woman who cheats on someone can't be that great a person. Find a woman who is sensitive enough to not be like that. Sorry you are suffering buddy. Shes probably wasn't getting what she wanted from her man so she felt better knowing that you loved her. Love is a very hard thing. I hope all of us have "our perfect love" in heaven when we die!!!! lol Good Luck!!!! Rick

[loverman1]

for what it's worth, if a potential partner was wanting to "make sure" I was making a good choice, I'd run for the hills. Not only is it controlling and patronising, it would make it clear that he doesn't trust me to make a good decision for myself.

All round deal-breaking behaviour on your part.

I respect her choice, but I'm guessing it's probably not a good one, hence I will stay in her life until everything becomes clear, no matter the conclusion. Why would you run for the hills since I'm entitled to have an option or opinion, and I'm free to give love to who I choose. At this moment the bad behaviour would be to let go, for the moment anyway.