How Long should you wait until you tell someone you love them?

[dolomite68]

Hi All

I have been dating someone for about 3 weeks now and before that we were chatting on line for about 3 weeks before we first met.

In the last 3 weeks we have seen each other about 8 times...and apart from a bit of paranoia about texting on the second week ( you may have seen my post on here) we have been getting on brilliantly. We both feel we have really clicked and she has said on several occasions she feels it is already more than just dating.

I really feel something for this girl...and can't believe it myself that I feel this way in such a short time, has never happened to me in this way before.

My question is....is it too soon to say that I Love her...I certainly don't want to put too much pressure on the situation and scare her off....I have been on the verge of saying it on a number of occasions...but have resisted.

She is a shy girl and has had some issues in the past with other partners....I think it will take time for her tell me how she feels even though I think she may feel the same way as me...

Just wondered what other people thought?

[havermoutpap]

There's no shame in saying you love someone even though they won't dare to say it back yet. Everyone likes hearing they are loved. Having said that if it makes you uncomfortable or if you're afraid it might lead to awkwardness give it some time. There are more ways to show someone you love them instead of outright saying it.

[DalM0m]

It depends. Some people say it the day they meet & it works out for them. That is rare. True love (as opposed to infatuation) takes time to develop.

Dating for 3 weeks especially if you are young, is a little fast. If a boy told me after 3 weeks that he loved me, I wouldn't believe him.

Personally, I have always been more comfortable with saying I love you after the 3 month mark even if I felt it before then. However, there are no hard & fast rules. Love isn't measured on a calendar.

[dolomite68]

I would normally agree with you I'm in my 40's so should know better really...in my previous relationships it has taken time to develop and was around the 3/4 month mark before we said we loved each other...

I suppose it's my heart ruling my head...I feel so strongly about this girl it is unbelievable.....head says to wait...heart says to go for it....

[TheEvilJester]

Well, unfortunately you missed your creepy stalker window by saying it within the first date. LOL! Sorry. Couldn't resist. Unfortunately, I don't know too much about this myself. I was extremely shy my whole life, and when I finally got a relationship, we sort of skipped over all that stuff because we had already been close friends. So, I never really learned all that myself.

However, I will say this... 3 weeks is probably a little too soon. I mean, heck, as others have said, there is no set rule. Some people could say it the first day and it works out just fine. But, in general, 3 weeks would really seem like moving a little too fast. Again, I don't know any better, but just on gut feeling, DalM0m's 3 month mark sounds pretty reasonable.

[DalM0m]

OK. Since you are an adult & have more life experience behind you, go ahead & say what you feel but because you said she's shy & you are concerned about scaring her off, I'd hedge my bets a little bit. Acknowledge that your timing is fast but say something like "Even though it's only been 3 weeks I feel like I'm falling in love with you." That's a little softer than an outright declaration.

[TheEvilJester]

I'm personally still not so sure. Especially considering the part about her being kind of shy. That might be a bit much to hear so early for somebody who tends toward the shy side. Not to mention, 3 weeks really isn't much time. You should really take time to get to know each other better first. Saying "I love you" should not be taken lightly. By no means I am accusing you of doing so, so don't misunderstand. All I am saying is if it has the potential to be the real thing, then the feelings you are having will only get stronger as time goes on. So, no reason to feel the need to say it already this early.

Conversely, if you do say it, then later start to feel like things are changing and the two of you maybe aren't quite the match you thought, then it can create quite a pickle. It could result in some major hurt for one or both of you. So, I am still kind of in the camp of 3 weeks being a little too early.

But, again, I don't really know much about this kind of thing, so I could be wrong.

[Boisdevie]

I think the best time to tell them you love them is just after orgasm.

[dolomite68]

Thanks for your comments you are right....my head has won I need to wait and see how things develop...and if I do get the urge as DalM0n says perhaps a softer approach would be the best....it is difficult though never felt like this is my life....

[TablesandChairs]

What do you have to lose by waiting? Why add all that pressure/doubt when you don't have to actually say it - your actions probably speak louder than words anyway. Give it a few more weeks.

[pseudonym]

Personally I think that would scare most people off. Although you may feel it now, give it time and allow it to grow stronger. How many people do you know love each other within 3 weeks? I bet it's not many.
Play it safe, let the relationship develop, don't push it. You can show it without saying it.

[surfhb2]

It's a personal thing but there's no possible way to fall in love with someone till after your honeymoon period is well over. You have seen this person at their worst and are willing to accept them.

Months or even years. Love, to me anyway, is when you have totally made yourself vulnerable in every way to another.

[dolomite68]

I agree...but as well as the nice things a couple of not so good things have happened during this initial few weeks....sometimes I think you know...but saying that I think seeing how things go at the moment is the best thing to do. Sometimes you need others to help you see sense especially in matters of the heart....

[steelguy]

Always go with your heart. Honesty is the best policy! Good luck. ;-)

[TheEvilJester]

I think waiting to see how things develop is definitely a good choice. After all, it isn't like anything bad could happen as result of NOT saying it this early. Heck, if somebody were to get impatient this early in a relationship that they weren't getting an "I love you," then maybe THEY are not the kind of person you'd want to be with anyway. Can you imagine that. "Listen, bub! We have been together for two weeks, three days, 10 hours, and 23 minutes! Why haven't you said you love me yet?!" LOL!

But, in all seriousness, if this starts to develop into something that could very well be the real thing, your feelings will only grow stronger. So, why not give it a little time and wait until you are more sure. Not to mention, it is certainly nice to say "I love you" and get a sincere "I love you too" in return. If you do it too early, she may not feel comfortable saying it yet. No matter how much you may think you are okay with that, that can be a little awkward and get to be a little frustrating. You may find yourself getting impatient waiting for her to return the sentiment. So, better to just wait some time. You'll be able to get more of a feeling that way of if you think you will still feel that way, not to mention you will at least have more of a feel of whether it seems likely she will say it back. I mean, of course there is still no guarantee, but at least you will have a better idea.