Coping whilst GF loses weight

[Boisdevie]

I'll keep it brief. Met GF in May 2012. She was just on the borderline of what I'd call OK in terms of weight. Since then she put on weight. I said nothing but in July I let her know that her weight gain was turning me off. She agreed to lose weight. I also said that her sedentary lifestyle wasn't good and, for her own sake, might it be a good idea to do some sport. Since then she's very half heartedly dieted but would only do sport if I virtually forced her - which I don't enjoy doing one little bit. So today we talked some more. She knows I don't find her attractive at the moment and she dresses to hide herself so it's clear she's not happy with her body either. She promised today to be a certain weight for Xmas. OK. But just at the moment I don't find her attractive at all and to be honest feel tired with being patient when before sod all happened. I shall be as supportive of her as I can but how do I find it hard being patient since I've already been patient
Any advice would be welcome. Oh, and it's not double standards. I'm 170cm, 70kg, don't smoke, don't drink, eat carefully and run about 40k per week. I do this for me but also because I want to stay attractive for her.

[HeartIsAching]

See if she'd be willing to try the Primal Diet. It's worked well for me. I'm back down to the weight I was when I graduated Basic Training at 17. The attraction to the primal diet is that there is no portion control. You eat when you're hungry, as much as you'd like. It's actually more of a dietary change than a diet, as you don't ever stop. Marksdailyapple.com is an excellent free resource.

If she won't try that, see if she'll at least give up wheat and sugar. Wheat has been so hybridized these days to increase yield and shorten the plant for easier harvesting... and it's now got about 10X the gluten in it than it did 30 years ago, and there's a cubic shit-ton of evidence that gluten is really bad for us.

If it's at all feasible, she could try bicycling as her primary form of transportation - that's also something I do.

[Boisdevie]

If it's at all feasible, she could try bicycling as her primary form of transportation - that's also something I do.

No way she'll cycle anywhere. She said she's seeing a work colleague on Thursday about doing the gym together but she's had weeks when she could have done aqua step - it's only down the bloody road - and she stopped going. I can only push/encourage so much. As for the diet, thanks for the advice I'll look into it.

[bluenote99]

ok well maybe its understandable to be turned off by someone if they put on a little weight but your first post reads as though you'd like her to be a different person in so much as becoming a lover of sport and a bit of a health nut, believe me i've no axe to grind here as i'm ex-army and still train regularly as i'd find it difficult to break the habit now but the thing is some people are simply not into it and never will be, maybe if its a big issue between the two of you then you really aren't suited

[michelle23]

Your bullying her man and just crushing her self-esteem more. She looks the way she does because she is unhappy and you giving her ultimatums, calling her fat and dumping her whenever she fails to reach your standards will only make her more depressed and result in more weight gain. You cant force her to change so do the girl a favour, break up with her, let her get her confidence back on her own and you can both find happieness with someone else. This relationship is not working

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[Wakeup]

Maybe she could try Weight Watchers Online. It's worked for a lot of people (even the real happy ones that just got lazy and took their selves for granted). One of the things I read somewhere is that when someone has gained a lot of weight that they should first strive to lose that weight through portion control (as with WW) and once they are at their goal weight, then start working out and 'sport' so that they maintain their new and improved body weight. Walking while dieting is a good start even before she loses anything. Maybe she'll be up for that with you everynight after dinner?

If she's good to go with WW (which only consists of everyday foods, no gimmicks) then do encourage her and compliment her on her success. It won't take overnight (about two to three pounds per week) so don't push her about it anymore once she's enrolled and started her plan.

[Boisdevie]

Your bullying her man and just crushing her self-esteem more. She looks the way she does because she is unhappy and you giving her ultimatums, calling her fat and dumping her whenever she fails to reach your standards will only make her more depressed and result in more weight gain. You cant force her to change so do the girl a favour, break up with her, let her get her confidence back on her own and you can both find happieness with someone else. This relationship is not working

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If you'd bothered to read the post she wants to lose weight and I need to be patient. It's the being patient bit that's hard because I've already been patient for months when she gained weight and I never said a thing to 'bully' her as you so kindly put it. And please stop with the judgemental shite - I have never once called her fat. She was the one who said she needed to lose weight and I agreed with her. I want to help her achieve her ends.

[Boisdevie]

but your first post reads as though you'd like her to be a different person in so much as becoming a lover of sport and a bit of a health nut

I'd like her weight to be within the range of 'normal' and not overweight on the BMI scale - AND SO DOES SHE
I don't want her to be a health nut. I want her to be healthy and being healthy should involve some regular exercise. I'm not asking her to train with me for my next half marathon - it's not her thing and that's fine. But I wouldn't like to see her with health problems in 10 years time due to being overweigh and not taking regular exercise. She' won't be a size 8 and she won't run marathons - I KNOW THAT, I'M NOT STUPID.

[Starnique]

If being able to follow a proper diet the issue then she could try a prescription that is an appetite suppressant called Phentermine. Not sure if they carry it in your part of the world but at least it can help to curve her eating skills and its an energy boost. Its only a supplement and she will lose weight but she still needs to use that time to work out and stay focused on her diet. I would say do it the old fashioned way but truth is, some people need that extra boost to get them started. I know people feel like that's the easy way out but you seem to want fast results.

As Wakeup said, walk after dinner. Is she able to walk in the morning also? Its really going to take dedication on her part. I enjoy walking and I do kickboxing amongst other stuff I had going on...and mostly for my stomach and squats. I'm not saying this to be funny but they do offer pole dancing work out classes and it keeps you in shape like you wouldn't believe. You can push her all you want but she has to want to change her weight. I would think it would be easy for her considering she has you to help her but who knows? Try Weight Watchers, I heard that works well.

Have her take a look at this also. If she eats from column one and two, she'll have a near perfect diet.

http://www.teambeachbody.com/eat-smart/michis-ladder

[michelle23]

All im saying is its a v touchy subject so dont push it too hard. Let her do it alone for herself because she wants to and dont give her ultimatums such as "you have to lose a stone by xmas" etc

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[Starnique]

Also, you do make a lot of fat jokes around here so you may be coming off a little stronger then you think. I don't know. I'm just saying.

Maybe she shouldn't pick an exact size she wants to be. Maybe she can just get down to what she feels looks good on her and get down to a point where she loves to be in her skin and is comfortable in it. Focus on herself and a form that she will love on her instead of focusing on numbers is my point.

[Boisdevie]

Also, you do make a lot of fat jokes around here so you may be coming off a little stronger then you think. I don't know. I'm just saying.

Fair point. Weight is not everything in a relationship BUT it's a part of things.

[DalM0m]

You don't know that she wants to lose weight. She probably just wants to keep you happy & will say anything to make that happen. Your focus on her weight -- the fact you said one word about her weight -- even if it was born from kindness & a genuine desire to help her avoid future health problems is a bad thing. If she came to you & said I know health & fitness are important to you, can you help me diet & exercise, I'd say good for you, what a wonderful guy etc.

The fact that you brought up the issue first and you started this thread by saying when you met her 5 months ago she was on the borderline of "what you would call OK" in terms of weight makes you sound very shallow & superficial. Honestly, whether you meant it or not, that statement alone came across to me as hateful & judgmental.

If you don't like your GF's peronality enough to stay with her no matter what her weight is, do her a favor & move on. Her self esteem is going to end up in the toilet if you keep forcing your ideals on her.

[dickriculous]

Step 1, before we go any further, is developing the right habits. Right now she needs to ditch the "lose x amount of weight by Christmas" mentality, that will not produce the desired results in the long run and can in fact backfire. Those types of goals are great for bodybuilders or wrestlers - people who both have been working out for years AND who need to meet a certain weight class limit within a certain time frame. It is not suitable for the Saturday morning fitness crowd types, and your gf doesn't even sound like she's on that level yet.

The #1 focus right now should be to make working out and eating right a HABIT. Far too many people get stuck in this mentality where moving the scale and changing dress sizes is all they care about, this is akin to climbing a latter and trying to build an attic on top of thin air and expecting it not to collapse. You need the foundation first and the habits I am referring to are the foundation.

An exercise and nutrition program that meets her needs is step 1. This needs to be based on a number of things - her current level of fitness, an in depth consideration of all of her goals, any potential lingering or chronic injuries/pain she may have, movement/postural deficiencies, etc. If you'd like all of these things covered and you don't have anyone to turn to irl feel free to post some videos here and pm me a reminder to check them out, lmk if you want and I will tell you all of the movements I need to analyze. An actual exercise program shouldn't be overwhelming at all. Start small and work your way up.

Getting started on a workout program isn't that hard if you start at your level, are willing to GRADUALLY increase the level OVER TIME, and you know what to do - these are 3 things that are lacking in one form or another in most people who fail.

As far as nutrition goes, eating plenty of greens and fresh vegetables is a must - the more the better. I have a nutribullet and when I am on a cut I will drink 3 greens smoothies a day - fills you up and only adds a negligible amount of calories. I wouldn't have her go THAT far with the veggie consumption right away but build up to it. Lean protein and essential fatty acids are also a necessity. Developing the habit of getting all of these things in on a daily basis without loading up on starch, gluten, cornfed fat, sugar, etc are the habits to develop. Nothing wrong with sweets here and there but keep the intake relatively low.

And don't forget about getting plenty of sleep - this is necessary for a LOT of things but in this case recovery from workouts and hormonal balance are two major areas for your gf's goals where sleep is paramount.

These habits are the necessary foundation to develop before you go any further. Until these bases are covered forget about losing x amount of weight in y amount of time. Habits first. Build the foundation and worry about the things that the foundation is designed to hold up AFTER the foundation is complete.

Of course, if your girl isn't looking to become a competitive athlete then she may not have to do much more, if anymore at all, than what I've outlined here.

Also to address those who say you are pushing her to lose weight and forcing your ideals on her, have you asked her if she feels this way? She might not want to speak up about it but if you actually ask her about it and encourage her to share how she feels about it with you then maybe you can get more useful insight than all of us just speculating that you are bullying her and being shallow and all that shit.

[Boisdevie]

You don't know that she wants to lose weight. She probably just wants to keep you happy & will say anything to make that happen.

She brought up the subject herself and she asked me to help her lose weight.

The fact that you brought up the issue first and you started this thread by saying when you met her 5 months ago she was on the borderline of "what you would call OK" in terms of weight makes you sound very shallow & superficial. Honestly, whether you meant it or not, that statement alone came across to me as hateful & judgmental.

If you had read my post and used some basic mathematics we met in May 2012 and put on weight for over a year before the subject came up. Yes, I made a decision about her looks. Don't you ever make decisions about somebody based on looks, clothes, opinions, lifestyle? Of course you bloody do. I got judged once by an ex-GF who dumped me because she didn't like my alcohol consumption. She had a perfect right to decide that this aspect of me (at the time) was not one she could suppport so she dumped me - and she was right in doing so.

If you don't like your GF's peronality enough to stay with her no matter what her weight is, do her a favor & move on. Her self esteem is going to end up in the toilet if you keep forcing your ideals on her.

She asked me for my help in losing weight. That's the first point. Second point is this. If your other half was doing stuff that was bad for them whether it's putting on weight, drinking too much, taking drugs etc - would you just say nothing and let them get on with it? I love her and I don't want to see her obese and unhealthy in 10 years time.