My boyfriend doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see him

[itsjustmeok]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and I've always been a lot more dependant than him.
We used to see almost everyday in high-school, but now that we're both going to university, we don't see as often as we used to and sometimes I almost beg him to spend time with me and it makes me feel like sh*t, but I really hate being alone and I need to be with him more than he needs to be with me.

I don't like being so clingy, and I'm afraid he leaves me, but I can't help but begging him for more time together and I know it pisses him off but I don't know how to stop.

Do you guys have any advice for me?

[basilandthyme]

Hon, you've done quite a few posts like this over September. And I'd be fairly confident that you're well on your way to driving him away.

First things first, you DO have control over your words and you CAN stop begging him for more time together. Saying that you can't help but beg is all about taking no responsibility for your actions. I'm not saying that you can easily change your thought patterns, but you have to stop nagging him right now.

There's also the consideration that this relationship is simply not meeting your needs. If you're not happy and he can't/won't change, then it's time to question the wisdom of you being a couple. However, if you choose to stay, then you must do so with the acceptance that you will need to have a life outside of him.

[bluenote99]

if you don't want this relationship to come to a sticky end you need to come up with some strategies to change your behaviour, when the feelings get too much and you're tempted to pester him try txting or speaking to another friend to distract yourself, your post shows you realise you're being clingy and you don't like it so work hard to alter what you are doing, don't think i'm not sympathetic i am, its horrible to feel that you love and need someone and they don't feel the same way in return but i think you also know if you carry on as you are you'll destroy what you have and surely that would be the worst scenario of all

[basilandthyme]

A bit more on biting your tongue - I do know what it's like. I don't like when my hubby gets work social activities and I'm left at home with the kids. I actually get quite resentful. However, he works hard and is a great partner and I know that I'm just being needy. So I bite my tongue and wish him a good night out.

[toknow]

There is nothing wrong with you needing your bf.

[DalM0m]

You need to find other outlets so you are not as emotionally & socially dependent on him. Make some new friends. Take an extra class. Pursue a hobby. Join a club.

You are correct that if you continue on this clingy path you will drive him away.

I also caution you that it is the rare relationship that survives the transistion from high school to college or college to real life because priorities & availability change.

[smackie9]

Codependancy is where this is leading to. No there is nothing wrong with needing your BF, but there is a lot wrong if he is your whole world, and existance.

[toknow]

Every relationship is codependent

[Rainyy]

Join a social club or do something that you enjoy Hang out with your friends These things make time passes quickly and he might suddenly notice that you're not coming to him anymore and talk to you more

[datepleo]

Hi itsjustmeok, don't be clingy. It surely is going to drive him away!!!

There is very little you can control on how much someone really want you. But there is everything you can control to become a more favorable and a likable person.

If there is a sense of insecurity in your mind, then I would suggest to just give your relationship a bit of a slack.

Normally, from my experience, in situations like these, the other person might not be thinking the same as what you are. However, our desperation results in acts from us that hampers ties in relationships.

Another thing is, let things go. Things don't change so easily. As long as you are trying to not make any negative impression, I think your relationship will not fall out. Sometimes, silence is golden.

Having said this, it's only up to you to fight any insecurity.

~cheers

[sara12345]

definitely start making new friends and a new hobby and keep yourself busy! Try and find new people and friends to text so you aren't as tempted to call and texr him

[Julia51423]

Get involved in more hobbies. Make HIM miss YOU

[tropus]

This kind of dissonance is pretty common early in a relationship. When you first start dating, it feels magical; you haven't become habituated to each other yet. But once you get to know each other more, you discover your personal differences. You are at a point in your relationship that you need to decide whether or not you are compatible. You need to evaluate whether your personal needs are being met in the relationship. If they are, then you need to compromise and find a happy medium. This is something you need to discuss together. And don't worry, you will eventually figure out how to self-regulate. It takes time.