He says sex/romance feels unnatural?

[kaya]

I was dating a guy for a few months that I met through a friend. The last time that I saw him, he came over for a nice dinner. All seemed well. Then he essentially went MIA for week. I mean, he'd always respond if I texted, but he was being very distant. After about 3 weeks, I asked him what was up. He emailed me telling me that whenever we tried to interject sex into our dynamic, it did not work. He said that it felt unnatural and he couldn't make himself fit into a boyfriend role. He elaborated though, that one experience with me felt very natural and sexy. I might add that from my viewpoint he was quite interested in the sex, was the one that really pushed for it early on, and there didn't seem to be any problems specifically there. However, I did notice that he sometimes seemed to shut down on me afterward, almost like he wanted to keep me at an arms length. In the email, he told me a lot of complimentary things about myself and that he wanted to continue a friendship. I responded that I really liked him too, but that I was unsure about continuing a friendship with someone I was previously seeing/romantic with. I told him that it's rarely something I do because it can be awkward. He responded to that by sending an email asking if I want to go hiking. I said "we'll see." He emailed today bc he saw on FB that I had been injured.

I should add, that he did something similar to this very early on in the relationship. Pulled back, wanted to be friends. Practically begged me. So I said he could come over and help me put a patio table together. He jumped at that chance, became flirty beforehand, and then we essentially started dating again. Back then, I chalked it up to a freak out phase, and also figured that maybe he didn't think I was that into him as I wanted to move more slowly than he did.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? I've never really had anyone say they wanted to "be friends" and actually mean it? And his whole reasoning for ending things is odd. He definitely seemed attracted to me...it was not like I pursued him. Maybe there are just intimacy issues there? Anyone have any thoughts? I am just planning to move on. It's a shame because we do enjoy each other but I'm afraid it would just lead to confusion. I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts on the whole situation. I find it curious. As much as I've dated, no one has ever acted quite like this.

[bluenote99]

its very perplexing this one, sounds to me like he doesn't really know what he wants, is it possible he wants you to come on a bit stronger with him, flatter his ego a bit maybe? whatever he sounds quite conflicted so it may be an idea for you to firmly decide what YOU want whether that be relationship,friendship or nothing at all and base your next move on that

[basilandthyme]

Do you look like his sister?

[kaya]

bluenote99 It almost seems like the more interest I show, then the more he pulls back. It's almost like when I am really nice to him, it seems to trigger him pulling away. (the last time I saw him I made a steak dinner for us) A friendship would be okay if we were never intimate, but I just can't switch gears like that.

[kaya]

LOL basilandthyme. He's any only child, so no.

[bluenote99]

bluenote99 It almost seems like the more interest I show, then the more he pulls back. It's almost like when I am really nice to him, it seems to trigger him pulling away. (the last time I saw him I made a steak dinner for us) A friendship would be okay if we were never intimate, but I just can't switch gears like that.

no i can understand that you'd never know where you were or how you were meant to act around him, if he's pulling away when you try to get close to him then maybe he has a bit of an issue with real intimacy and commitment and thats for him to fix not you so if i were you i'd definitely give him a bit of time to himself maybe he'll figure it out

[kaya]

Right bluenote. I cannot help him with his intimacy issues, if that is in fact the problem. Something is definitely off...even if the sex were not perfect...you have to look at the relationship as a whole.
Like you said, I am going to step away. If he mentions hanging out again, I will just advise that i think we need a clean break.

[surfhb2]

The guy is either lying to get rid of you or he's mentally deranged.....dodged that bullet I'd say

[kaya]

well, I dunno, I am not sure why he'd lie. He doesn't seem to want to get rid of me as he keeps wanting to get together. Mental issues? Maybe!

[surfhb2]

Not maybe.....for sure!!