Girlfriend had sex with my cousin during a break. Help!

[gah5037]

I was in a relationship with someone for about 3 years before we went thru a 10 month breakup. We recently got back together and she broke the news that during our breakup she had sex with my cousin. My cousin and me have a pretty normal cousin relationship. We see each other at all the holidays and as kids we were very close.

She said their relationship lasted about a month and during that time they had sex...

She broke the news to me last night before I found out from someone else and I'm sick to my stomach today. I can't get it off my mind...I was just very quiet when she told me and I don't even know how to react. I've just been acting normal and hiding how much I hurt.. I love her so much and I want a future with her but this hurts so bad.. Will it get better with time? What should I do?

[basilandthyme]

Is the problem that she was able to move on after the breakup? Or is it just that your cousin was involved?

[gah5037]

Is the problem that she was able to move on after the breakup? Or is it just that your cousin was involved?

Because my cousin was involved

[Starnique]

Yeah that was pretty shady on his part. I say move on. Do you really want that girl that's been passed back and forth between you and your cousin?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I wouldn't quite say she's been passed back and forth. She did date the guy. Still, if you can't handle it, you can't handle it. You should probably move on, because what's going to happen is you're gonna be too bitchmade to drop her now that you got her back, and you're going to build up resentment, then break up when she's done nothing wrong.

[Starnique]

Well yeah I know, I thought about it, that it wasnt technically back and forth but I didn't go back to correct. But yeah OP, you should move on. I wouldn't want anyone my cousin had. Our motto is, We can share anything except panties and men.

My cousin, she needed some thongs to wear the other day under her particular clothes she had, I offered to take off mine and let her wear them. She said hell no, "shrugs", fine go out with your panty line showing, ungrateful bitch.

[4 ratties]

Wow why did she have to date a family member? Thts just wrong and lacks brains on her part if she ever thought of getting back with you. I couldn't deal with that.

[VincenzoG91]

There were probably good reasons why the two of you broke up in the first place. And I doubt that either one of you changed much during the ten months. Don't get back together, just get on with your life.

[DalM0m]

She didn't do anything wrong because you too were apart at the time. I can understand why the cousin factor weirds you out. I wouldn't be able to get past it. 20 years from now when you see the cousin at the holidays the fact of their tryst will still be true. If she's not part of your life it will be no big deal but if she's still here, it will fester. If you are better than I am at letting things go, you may have a chance but it will be tough. On the plus side, she did tell you rather than trying to hide it.

[jam]

Picking from DalMon, I don't see per say what wrong she committed, you had broken up and I bet you did not agree to just take a break to think through your relationship. If that was the case then you would have a bone to pick with her, if not, she moved on with the options available to her. Probably to her and your cousin there was no harm in hooking up - which to you is a problem.

If you can't live with thought of her relationship with your cousin, then end the relationship now and move on. If you think you love her so much that this is just one pain that you can get over with then express to her your disappointment and allow yourself to heal then move forward, don't look back, don't hold a grudge on your cousin or her.

[Starnique]

It's not wrong that she slept with someone else. A simple mind would think that. I think he's bothered because it was his cousin that he deals with on a regular basis. I'm glad I don't have a cousin like that. If she been with him for awhile I would never sleep with her ex and she or any of my other best friends better not sleep with mine. It would be different if they were only talking. The OP and the chic and it never went anywhere, then I wouldn't care really because it was nothing there. I just don't think shit like that is right. That lets you in on her character in my opinion.

[Hightower]

You learned a lot in this time. For starters, your cousin never told you. That's a big minus on his part in my opinion. Secondly, you are obviously going to see your cousin in the future. Whether or not other family members know about this still makes it weird, or it would for me. Lastly, it is a little weird that she went after your cousin, or he went after her considering you had a three year relationship. This means that there had to have been a spark at some time between the two of them. And she had to have remembered and yet still chose him over every other man in the world.

I don't know, nobody my wife slept with is in our life and I like it that way. No one I slept with is in my life and the chance that we see them again would be a random act, not a family gathering.

[gah5037]

You learned a lot in this time. For starters, your cousin never told you. That's a big minus on his part in my opinion. Secondly, you are obviously going to see your cousin in the future. Whether or not other family members know about this still makes it weird, or it would for me. Lastly, it is a little weird that she went after your cousin, or he went after her considering you had a three year relationship. This means that there had to have been a spark at some time between the two of them. And she had to have remembered and yet still chose him over every other man in the world.

I don't know, nobody my wife slept with is in our life and I like it that way. No one I slept with is in my life and the chance that we see them again would be a random act, not a family gathering.

Thanks for the advice everyone! Definitely varied opinions on this one and double thanks for the above post... I guess I have a big decision to make about whether I want to move forward with this or not. I'll keep you guys updated.

[NiaPeach]

It's going to be awkward and as another poster said, if you can't handle it, it's better to move ahead in life because you'll just keep throwing it in her face.

Good luck