Non-sexual crush? (Or what else do you call it)

[TheEvilJester]

I figured this fit best in the Off Topic section. Not really an advice question, just something for discussion.

I’m not even sure how exactly to explain what I am talking about. Has anybody ever had this before? And if you had, is there a term for it? Because I can never think of what to call it. The best I can ever come up with is to call it a “non-sexual crush.” Allow me to explain…

Have you ever taken notice of somebody, be it at work, within your circle of friends, at school, etc. You develop sort of a crush on them (for lack of a better word to call it). However, you aren’t really thinking of them in a romantic way. In other words, you admire them for one reason or another. Maybe they are a good person, maybe they are nice to you, could be any number of reasons, or a combination of reasons. It could even be that you actually do find them very attractive, very cute, or whatever. But, for whatever reason, you don’t think of them as somebody you would want to ask out.

Mind you, that isn’t because they are specifically somebody you would NOT want to ask out. It is just, for some reason, you don’t think of them like that. Maybe you think of them more as a friend. Maybe you just think you are nowhere near their league, so you don’t even entertain the thought.

However, it isn’t somebody you JUST think of as a friend/acquaintance, whatever. I'm not just talking about somebody you consider your good friend, or like a sister or brother. The strange part about it is, when thinking about them, seeing them, talking to them, etc. you get a lot of the same feelings you would for somebody you are crushing on, even though you don’t necessarily think of them that way. And, heck, it doesn’t even mean you COULDN’T think of them that way. If it became a possibility, or they asked you out, maybe you could, but it just doesn’t enter your mind presently.

Does everybody know what I am talking about, or do I sound crazy? LOL! Because I have gotten this a lot in my lifetime. There is often a girl that I really like, and it is almost in a crush-like way, except I don’t think of her like that. It is more of an innocent little crush. Hard to explain. Anybody else get that? And what the heck is it called?

[basilandthyme]

Admiration?

[TheEvilJester]

LOL. Well, that could be one word for it. But, I don't think that is really what I mean, exactly. I think it is kind of hard to explain if it isn't something you have experienced first-hand. I mean, most people admire their friends. Most of the times you admire family members as well. But, you don't typically crush on friends and family members. So, it is different from a friendly admiration, but not quite a full on crush. I don't know.... maybe I am just weird.

[pcmaster]

Perhaps you enjoy social element more than their female features. Its like you are getting emotional pleasure rather than feeling basic instic.

[TheEvilJester]

You may be right. That could have something to do with it. It isn't the type of "crush" (again, for lack of a better word to call it) you would tend get on somebody just because they are attractive. They usually have to have some other qualities that bring them to your attention as well. But then, for some reason they just aren't somebody you would think to ask out. It is definitely a more rare type of crush, but I know I for one do have this happen sometimes.

[searock]

Do you get (even mildly) turned on if you think about the person you are "crushing" on? If not, it has never happened to me. I have felt admiration and respect and I've liked several persons with no physical attraction to them whatsoever, but I've never felt infatuated with someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, from my personal experience with this particular phenomenon, yes it has usually been somebody I also happen to find physically attractive. It doesn't necessarily have to be, but I would think it probably usually is the case. Basically, it is somebody for whom you could easily have seen yourself developing a full on crush, but for some inexplicable reason, you just don't really think of them as a possible relationship. Don't get me wrong. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them, or anything they did to cause it. In my personal experience with this, I can't explain why I get full on crushes for some girls, and feel this strange, sort of hard to define way about some others.

It isn't like there is some specific negative thing that keeps it from being a full on crush. For all intents and purposes, there is no reason it shouldn't just be a normal crush, but for some reason I just don't think of it in that way. Guess I really am the only one, then. LOL! Nobody else seems to know what I am talking about here.

[FAndrews]

Is it the kind of crush where for whatever reason you can't imagine yourself with the person because they are unavailable or that it wouldn't work? I've had crushes like that. but otherwise sounds like a form of appreciation to me.

[TheEvilJester]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. At least in my personal experience, there have been times when there is a very specific reason why it couldn't work, hence there is a good reason my mind doesn't allow it to develop into a full on crush. One specific example for me... I met this one girl at my previous job. When we met, we were both engaged. At the time, I was in a relationship I actually thought was happy (little did I know). I am a one woman man, so I didn't even think of anybody else in that way.

But, this girl and I had so much in common (almost to a crazy level) that I did sort of consider her somewhat of a friend. Mind you, I don't tend to make a lot of friends at work, so it wasn't like we ever hung out outside of work or anything. But, we talked from time to time at work, and had very similar interests. Heck, if I weren't so shy I probably would have wanted to become closer friends with her. To be honest, I'd still like to now. In that way, it is sort of like a close friend or sister like feeling, because she isn't somebody I think of as a potential relationship, but would still really love to have in my life.

During our careers at this company, both of us got married to our then fiances. So, even when I finally got out of my horrible relationship, she was never really an option. I've also never been the kind of guy who messes with somebody's relationship, so again, off limits in my view.

But, it still didn't change the fact that her and I really had so many things in common. As I said, to a crazy level. I actually can't help but kind of chuckle at it a bit. I mean, it is almost a shame our lives didn't work out differently, because if I had met her when her and I were both single, maybe I'd have asked her out. So... you'd think I'd have a full on crush on her and have obsessive thoughts and wishes that somehow fate could bring us together...

But I don't. I don't think of her that way. So, I guess maybe extreme admiration coupled with attraction is a more accurate way to describe it. LOL! Because the guy in me has to admit she is very beautiful, and the intellectual part of me sees that she seems like a great person, and also happens to have a lot in common with me, but the romantic/decent part of me cannot think anything beyond just a high level of admiration for her because she is not available.

I can't help but be curious how I would feel if, God forbid, her relationship ended and she became available. Would I become interested in her, or would I have considered her sort of more of a friend/colleague too much to the point where it would feel like asking out my sister? LOL!

However, I've also personally had similar situations where I don't really know one way or the other if the person is single or taken. So, I very well could develop a full on crush on them and hope to ask them out. But, for whatever reason, I just don't.