After Baby no sex

[gianthobbit]

Hey new to the fourms but Ive been looking for answers and maybe I can find them here. Here is my story.

I have been dating this girl for over a year and a half now and we are thinking about gettting married. When we first met are sex was fantastic but when she got pregnant it has slowy droped to almost nothing. I understood she was pregnant and so forth and did not give her a hard time. Well now its 5 and a half months after are baby has been born and we are still not having sex. It is the last thing on her mind, she comes up with every excuse in the book for not wanting to have sex. In the last 6 months we have had sex proably 4 times and all of them with almost no passion and no longer than five minutes. Now being a young man I cant take this anymore, not only am I a horny guy but Im worried there is more than meets the eye about this problem. We have tried those spanish fly drops you get at Spencers gifts, and they did not work at all. We went to GNC to get some female libido enhancers and they did not work at all either. Every time I try to talk to her about sex she gets mad, we no longer do anything intimiate either such as taking showers together etc. Were about ready to call up the doctor to see if he can suggest anything but I thought I would post my question here. Is there anything we can do to save are sex life, it is affecting are realationship in the worst way.

Thanks in advance

[ALovelyLady86]

lol she probably doesnt want to get preggo again... shes probably thinking my god why did i screw him in the first place... now im stuck with this thing lol...

sorry thats kinda mean but thats what i would think.. course i dont like kids

Sounds psychological.. you need a counselor not a doctor.. all the doctor will do is refer you to a counselor... this isnt her body not wanting to, this is her mind not wanting to.

[Only-virgins]

The passion is dead. I don't know. If the drugs dont help then she just plain simply isn't up too it by choice. Maybe she is having sex with someone else? ..that would suck.

[ALovelyLady86]

I dont think thats it really... I think its totally mental... shes made the desicion in her mind not to.. and she isnt... youd know if she was cheating.. people just know.

[Only-virgins]

Ishes made the desicion in her mind not to.. .

Thats what I just said ...."choice"

[ALovelyLady86]

No I mean I didnt think she was cheating

[Apache]

It's called post partum depression...and very common. Think of the change to both of your lives!
Being a mother is always going to come first...its instinct among other things.
You've got to be supportive of her through this. She will find her balance and your sex life will return. Five months is not enough time....I know it's hell but you've got to deal with it. I fshe's arguing with you about sex...trust me when I say it's on her mind. She's doing her best to cope with it. If you keep making her feel bad about it (and it might not be intentional...but just by making her think about it) she might never recover fully.

Trust me...I've been through this 3 times.

Make her feel special..help her out with everything, talk to her, and make her feel like a woman again instead of a mother. She'll be back to normal shortly.

[ALovelyLady86]

I agree thats completely it... maybe going to counseling would be a little pushy. Make her feel beautiful, be romantic with her...she'll want you soon enough

[gianthobbit]

Thanks for the replies. I think you are right that it has to do with her pregnancy. Question is on average how long does it take befor things go back to normal. Is there anything you can do to get things back to normal? Thing is I have been trying to make her feel special, and helping her out, and doing things romatic. Exp. Annviersary I got us a hotel room and put rose petals on the bed. I guess Ill keep doing what Ive been doing and do some homework on this postpardum depression, I remember reading some of her handouts and there was something about getting medication for this condition. How do I even come up on that subject with out offending her?

[gianthobbit]

P.S- She is defenitly not cheating on me so rule that out

[Illusional]

hahaha i can't stop cracking up. chili, do you really think that the reason why she stopped having sex is because she doesn't want to get pregnant?? that is only a poor excuse that a girl can give a guy when he wants some loving.

as for post partum depression, that is a very common thing after a woman gives birth. sometimes it more serious then not wanting to have sex. some women don't show affection to this children, however it sometimes last (i think) 6 months at the longest.

if it's not that, the reason is that she doesn't wanna get pregnant again, j/k.

like OV said, the passion is probably dead, which is why all of these enhancements aren't working. on the inside, she's not ready to have sex again, which again leads to the post partum depression.

raverboy

[Jeblina]

Is she breastfeeding? Sometimes that can cause a loss of libido. After I had my daughter, there was NO WAY that I was having sex with ANYBODY! For gods sake, a human head just came OUT of her....give her some time to recover! It took me nearly two years to get back to the point where I wanted to have sex.

[Apache]

Thanks for the replies. I think you are right that it has to do with her pregnancy. Question is on average how long does it take befor things go back to normal. Is there anything you can do to get things back to normal? Thing is I have been trying to make her feel special, and helping her out, and doing things romatic. Exp. Annviersary I got us a hotel room and put rose petals on the bed. I guess Ill keep doing what Ive been doing and do some homework on this postpardum depression, I remember reading some of her handouts and there was something about getting medication for this condition. How do I even come up on that subject with out offending her?

Its not totally about returning to normal...its more like a new start. Think of it in those terms. But you do have an advantage...if the love is there than it makes things easy. Don't let her see your frutration though....it will only make her feel bad. If you show her you care about her, make her feel like she's the only woman on the planet, she will come around quickly. You've got to realize all the things she's feeling right now. Don't let her feel pressure about sex, or she will always feel that (not good). Be romantic with her when the baby is sleeping, napping...and don't push the sex issue. Let her know you are interested in her even without the sex, and she will respond to you quickly.

[ALovelyLady86]

Ok...lol Illusional sweetie... lol... oh lord...you must have missed the part that I was joking about her not wanting to get preggo again :::rolling eyes::: my god ok anyway back to the guys question...

Giant I dont think getting a hotel room is a very good idea.. thats screaming f*ck me lol
Do something really romantic... maybe a cabin.. certainly not a hotel room hehe

In my opinion. I'll say it again, this DOES have to do with her giving birth to a child, and it seems that its really turned her off to the idea of sex.. simple as that. I know that if I had sex, carried a child for 9 months, gave this horrible, hard birth to it and then went home to heal for a while I wouldnt even want to think about sex lol... thats just me though.

Like I said before this is definately a mental thing. She needs time, patience, you know..all that. Let her know you love her...dont show that its stressing you out cause shell notice trust me...
Patience is a virtue my friend.

[gianthobbit]

Actually from what I read it is a subconcious concern that women after having a baby are afraid of getting pregnant again, but Im not sure if this is the one because she is on depo provera (birth control shot). On that note I looked up the side affects of depo provera and one is decreased sex drive. I wonder if this is it or maybe it is a combo of many things and depo provera.

She is not breast feeding and she had a C section so its not like she any healing to do yet, she is perfectly find down there but she complains of it being tight, no idea why this is since she did not have a natural birth, maybe because we have not been having sex much anymore?

It hard not to get frustrated. I have been pressuring her alot, and that has led to many fights. I guess I am going about it in the wrong way. If i dont bring it up and dont pressure her it will come around harder. Seems like the harder you try to push the issue the less likely it will happen. I will take this advance from Apache and let you know if it works so expect a post(god knows how long).

Thanks for the advice, looks like I will have to work on my patience....