Texting frequency

[hkh8871]

Hi guys! I've posted here before about all my problems wiht my boyfriend. We are in an LDR for 10 months and haven't been having a good time with it lately. We've been fighting a lot (all while i was at home and we were close distance) but now I think we are trying to move forward. The one thing is- we barely speak. Maybe 1 text message a day...if at all. We don't skype or anything either anymore. I'm just wondering if this is normal or not? He is supposed to come visit me in 2 weeks and I'm just afraid that he's coming because he had already bought the ticket before we were fighting (it costs 1000$) and doesn't want to deal with the loss financially and he is just coming to have sex and then go back home? He works a 60/70 hour week and i am studying to become a doctor- we are also 6 hours apart in time difference.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Why don't you ask him? If you feel there is a problem with the relationship then you just need to communicate with him. You both sound busy so I understand if it's hard to talk to. The relationship sounds like it's getting dull for the both of you. If you feel like he is just coming down to "sex" you whatever, then make him work for it. But I am not the person giving the best advice lol

[DalM0m]

Texting is the worst form of communication but with the time differences, it & e--mail are better than nothing.

Put a positive spin on his up coming visit It will be easier to work things out when you are together. If you are going to end it, it will be cleaner in person. For now, you don't know that his distance is due to a desire to end the relationship. He may simply be exhausted b/c the 70 hour weeks are catching up to him.

[surfhb2]

I can tell you what's not normal:

That you're dating a man you never see

[DalM0m]

I can tell you what's not normal:

That you're dating a man you never see

While one party is at school -- the OP is studying to be a doctor -- it's not uncommon for people to be in LDRs. The study of medicine is time consuming & takes a great commitment. I'm not sure why you would tell the OP she's abnormal. What's the basis for such an assessment?

[surfhb2]

While one party is at school -- the OP is studying to be a doctor -- it's not uncommon for people to be in LDRs. The study of medicine is time consuming & takes a great commitment. I'm not sure why you would tell the OP she's abnormal. What's the basis for such an assessment?

Texting once a day? I find no need to qualify my statement

[Wakeup]

Hi guys! I've posted here before about all my problems wiht my boyfriend.

Why are you trying to make this work if you're having "all my problems with my boyfriend?" Wouldn't it be wiser to get your medical degree and then find someone who is close by to where you find yourself practicing? He works 60/70 hours a week. All he has time for that isn't actually a NEED in order to stay living (food, water, sleep, air) is sex for goodness sakes.

[hkh8871]

You guys misunderstood I think. We do see each other- every couple of weeks one of us visits the other. He comes to me twice a year for 10 days and I fly back home to see him for Christmas and summer- each 3 month periods. we do see each other, it's just after this rough patch we haven't talked so much. i don't want to throw away the relationship because it means a lot to me but it's making me overthink and overanalyze EVERYTHING right now. i guess before i returned for summer he was also this distant and then everything was fine. I wish it was easy. I really do have to back off though a little and keep things light and fun like they were in the beginning. He still calls me baby and stuff and the minute we have “dirtier” text message conversations he is answered every second and is so involved in it. That could just be for the sex but maybe he is still interested somewhat. Now I just have to battle my female nature to immediately solve this and talk about my feelings and talk everything out. Thank you for helping me out though!!

[DalM0m]

Based on the last post, I think the distance is just starting to get to him & things will be better during your visit.

[hkh8871]

alright so this is still just getting more confusing. he has contacted me 1 time to just "talk" (via txt) where we exchanged maybe 4 texts in a time span of 4 hours and when he didn't say anything to keep the conversation going I stopped too. we have exchanged a few "hope you have a good day text" but other than that NOTHING. he is coming to visit me in 1 week and i'm afraid it is going to be awkward!!!! especially after our fighting before i left. he also changed his facebook profile picture from one of himself to one of us two the last time he visited- but we have barely communicated!! it's just so confusing for me because i've been backing off HUGELY and not texting him first and just giving him as much space as possible and yes he did text me 1 time and changed his profile picture and stuff but it's just...so confusing that we barely speak...does anyone have any insight?

[surfhb2]

alright so this is still just getting more confusing. he has contacted me 1 time to just "talk" (via txt) where we exchanged maybe 4 texts in a time span of 4 hours and when he didn't say anything to keep the conversation going I stopped too. we have exchanged a few "hope you have a good day text" but other than that NOTHING. he is coming to visit me in 1 week and i'm afraid it is going to be awkward!!!! especially after our fighting before i left. he also changed his facebook profile picture from one of himself to one of us two the last time he visited- but we have barely communicated!! it's just so confusing for me because i've been backing off HUGELY and not texting him first and just giving him as much space as possible and yes he did text me 1 time and changed his profile picture and stuff but it's just...so confusing that we barely speak...does anyone have any insight?

Why ask us? Ask him

[DalM0m]

Stop trying to analyze his words & look at his actions. I think you are projecting all sorts of negative thoughts on to this without a true basis for doing so. I bet, unless you do something nutty like greet him by screaming acusations & insecurities at him, that things will be just fine once he gets there. You are setting yourself up for disaster. Stop.

[ilikemike]

Communication is very important in a long distance relationship.
Better to communicate more if possible and both sides must have strong faith in each other.

[hkh8871]

So to ask for more advice- he arrived yesterday to visit me and things were good. we haven't really had a chance to have a talk but i feel like i just want to have some fun and bring happiness and mutual enjoyment back to us before we talk. the only thing is...and i know this is a big NO NO but he logged into his Facebook on my computer and didn't log off...well when i wanted to log in it automatically went to his site and i really tried not to look but curiosity got the best of me and i just casually glanced at the first conversation with his best friend...well in that conversation his friend tells him that he should text his ex as a congratulations for getting into law school and that she likes knowing he still cares...to which my boyfriend replied i don't want to text her while her boyfriend is still in the picture and that she had texted him earlier that day and his friend said oh well she asks me about your girlfriend (me) sometimes and that he tells her nothing other than we are happy to which my boyfriend replies "next time you should say 'you guys should get back together'" and his friend responds with "will do" and then the conversation just went a different way!! i'm so confused right now!! this is a girl he dated for 3 years in college and was supposedly awful too and then he was heartbroken when they broke up and for a year he tried to get her back and it didn't work...i thought he moved past her but obviously not.....and another part of the conversation was him asking his friend (same friend) to bring girls with him and his friend said he only knows girls x,y and z (which are coincidentally my friends) and then my boyfriend responds with "aka those are the only girls my gf knows in this whole city" to which his friend replies with "ohhh ok"..................this all happened about the middle of october when we never spoke but it makes me wonder what the hell he is doing here.......why would someone be in a relationship when they really just want their ex? or other girls? as a disclaimer- i really wasn't trying to snoop! i leave all his things alone all the time even if i have the perfect opportunity to look through things (i used to be a big snooper but have made a point to not do it in this relationship) but this seems to just have fallen into my lap and now i'm at a loss. i don't know how to react towards him but he has been being affectionate and sweet and holding me and kissing me...its so confusing!!

[Boisdevie]

I didn't mean to snoop - yeah right. So why's he being cuddly etc. Because he's with you in person and thre's a chance of a shag. But long term the relationship isn't working for him. End it.