do women mirror feelings ?

[pulga]

Hi,

I'd like to know if my gf/ex-gf (since a day or 2) would mirror my feelings, as in..

she was sensing i was a bit doubting, and as a result her interest in me lowered?

Thanks,

[basilandthyme]

Can you give more details about the relationship and breakup? Need more info to be able to advise you.

Also, if you were doubting...isn't breaking up a GOOD thing?

[pulga]

doubting isn't the best way to describe actually, i wasn't fully committing due to me being a bit not-confident, and pondering too much about long-term when we were only together for like a month... Anyways, below is a 'short description' of my situation... Adding to the below, here's why I'm asking about mirroring (so best to read first below to get the picture, and then read this part

is it possible for a woman to say 'I'm not (yet)fully in love with you' in order to get to know if I'm actually in love with her. Cause she said such things, and always asked 'how is that for you'.. (as in : do you also feel what i'm describing)... Is it possible she was sensing my doubts, and tried to get to know how i really felt, by stating such things. Cause later on I felt she was still very into me, and happy I got back to her after she made a 'let's quit' statement.

In general, do women mirror their feelings to what they sense from the man ?

---

So, we're on a break... I met this girl about 2 months ago, sort of blind dated, and had a good talk. Next day, she wanted to meet again. Went on a couple of dates, dating without kissing about a month, then we were having a 'relation' for a month.

As I'm a bit shy and sort of a diesel, a bit slower, when it comes to relationships, the first month dating she was always taking initiative, later on I heard she was really into me, and couldn't wait for me to make moves. So, after a month we started kissing and having sex a week later...

Now the second month, the month when we were together...

First 2 weeks, she was really into me, wanting to see me as much as possible. Since we are living some distance, this was restricted to 3 till 5 times a week. For the moment she doesn't have a job, so her coming over to me is costly for the gasoline, I took part of that on me by going to pick her up etc. She slept at my place like 2 times a week, although she didn't sleep well at all (very hard bed at my place). New bed coming in in 2 weeks...

As I'm a bit of a slow mover, I haven't fully committed myself and shown all my emotions (being a bitshy also).. Most of the times we had sex, she initiated, as I didn't want to look greedy (silly me..). Also, i have kept back a bit because i was having doubt about our long term potential (her not working related)

She has had 4 bad relationships over her lifetime (we're both in low 30s), and said she never felt so good in a relationship, never felt so loved, respected, never admired her boyfriend before me etc... But due to those relationships, she has a bit confidence issues.

Last 2 weeks, she started to tell me something didn't feel right in the relationship, we're missing some magic. We saw each other only 2-3 times a week, fewer sex, as she didn't initiate as much, and stupid me didn't take over. I have the feeling she was feeling I didn't commit fully. Last Thursday she called to say 'let's quit, something doesn't feel right'. I said 'ok', and called her hours later to talk thing over, and actually telling her i love her, and saying 'if we feel so great together, then let's not jump to conclusions after a bad week'. I felt she was releaved, and left her with 'no pressure, we'll see in next days what happens'. Next morning early she calls me, wants to see me, we meet, talk openly to each other. She still feels great with me, like to be with me, her feeling haven't changed over the last months, but she feels i'm not fully committing. Overall, a good talk, both our perspectives are cleared out.

We left each other with me saying 'we'll see how it goes, if we wanna meet, we'll hear from each other'. Next day, early morning, she calls me, wants to see me, and goes on about 5 minutes about what we could do that day, couldn't get a word between it... We meet for a walk, decide to have dinner together and she decides to sleep over with me although she's sleeping bad at my place. That night, again I didn't take initiative to have sex (I'm still too much trying to digest the talks we had, and thus not feeling comfortable opening myself), we go to sleep, in the morning, she comes lying with me, and again we're having the heavy talks. One of the things is again 'missing magic' and 'we're living like bro and sister'.

I'm deciding we should just stop, and I bring her home. She also says that meeting me was one of the greatest things that happened to her, and that I'm the kind of guy that 'changed her life'.(i think in a positive way)

On the way back, she asks if this is it, or we can still have contact. Contact is no problem i say.

Later that evening, I wanted to thank her for making me chocholate-mousse, texted her, and saying I'll always have positive feelings about her/us. But that's it's good for us both to take some time on our own.

She responds with following :
* agrees that it's good to have some time off
* still has warm feelings for me
* doubting about having contact still, as this will be hard since we had something together already, and she has to consider how that will affect me...
* she slept that afternoon, if felt therapeutic to not thing and feel for some time ...


Now, what I'm wondering :
* is it still worth trying to fix
* is her missing some magic between us in last 2 weeks, because of my not committing fully
* living like bro & sister : is this saying 'you should take more action, that way i feel loved'
* if there's anything to fix, what would you propose

[searock]

In general, do women mirror their feelings to what they sense from the man ?

In general, some people maybe mirror their feelings to what they sense from the partner. It's not a gender thing.

[IslandScorp]

If you behaved that way towards me, I'd think that you weren't serious about me and pull away too. If you're not initiating sex or showing that you desire her, then of course she's going to feel there's no magic. If you're lying there still considering whether the relationship is a good idea in the long run and holding back, don't you think that she can feel that? And how are you going to fix it if you aren't ready to commit emotionally? You've told a long story and yet I don't feel that you really love this girl/woman. You don't say that you love her. You don't say that she's wonderful and that you feel that special magic when you're with her. None of that is coming from you. If you have to overthink and wonder about and analyze everything, maybe she's just not the right one for you or maybe you have to decide what it is exactly that you want from a relationship.

[basilandthyme]

I'll be honest and say that I have no idea what you mean when you refer to mirroring of feelings.

However, given your description, it makes perfect sense for her to pull away if you're unsure. She's obviously got sufficient self esteem to not waste time on someone who's holding back. I suspect she will move on during this break....she'll find someone who isn't afraid to give himself to her.

[pulga]

She did feel loved, definitely, she acknowledged that, but she might not have felt desired (initiating sex)...

The thing about me not committing fully, is some thought in the back of my head... Currently she's unemployed after having Pfeiffers disease resulting in a burn-out. I have no issues with that, and are fully supportive to get her back fully fit before starting to work again. However, she raised a couple of times the question whether it is really needed for a woman to go to work (her mom never did), and could be supported financially by the man working, she's not fully saying she won't work, and not fully saying she's going to work. I understand this is currently (after burn-out) a tough topic, so it's hard for me also to raise the topic... However this keeps lingering in my mind, and I wonder if she could have picked it up that I was still in doubting phase concerning our future ...

I do really like / love her, on a personality level & physical level everything is great. If I didn't initiate sex it's more due to shyness/confidence issues, although sex was great, I just need some time to open up more on that part...

[pulga]

Alright, got an update, she just sent me a text over phone :

Her : "Hey, just be honest if it would do more bad than good, but I'd like to visit you at home, tomorrow evening, what do you think?"
Me : "Would love to, I'll be happy to see you."
Her : "Me too. See ya tomorrow. Kiss"

I realise it could go either way, getting back together or friend-zone. Have some time to prepare myself to get my points clear to her & let her know how I feel about us....