Why does he make plans with me then backs out?

[Metalhead05]

This guy I have known for awhile we became very close and he would tell me his problems, and he would talk to me. He checks up on me to see how I am doing cause this has been a very rough year for me. I lost my friend a month ago, I lost my grandfather 3 weeks ago, and I have to get my GED, and I am getting mouth surgery, so there is alot of Anxiety and stuff going on. I am in a depression as well, and well it was my birthday yesterday, and that is another depression, but Jim texts me "Happy Birthday" and I never got back to him so he calls me later in the day, then I call him back 2 hours later. I posted about Jim, and my suspicion that he is having sex with my dead friend's girlfriend on this site. Well he was talking about her, that's Jessica. He was saying that they didn't have sex but he knows it's gonna lead to dating and such and he seemed to get defensive when I said "It seems a little too soon, I mean Mikey died a month ago" I could tell he got all defensive, but then he seemed ok.

He is after Jessica, and it sickens me cause that was my best friend's girlfriend,and he was best friend's with Mikey as well. It's only been a month, but anyways. When I first knew Jim he would ask me out alot and I rejected cause I didn't know him that well. Well, he asked me out a couple of more times recently and when I would agree to go out with him he would back out and make up a excuse. So we are talking and he kept on asking me what I was doing for my birthday, I said I am in a depression, but I will just probably hang with friends. He said "Text me later, let's do something" he kept on repeating himself and kept telling me to text him later, and I agreed.

Also when my grandfather died, he texts me and says "Sorry about your pap" I said "Thanks! I am not doing too well" He said "I'm sorry, come hang out and chillax" I said "Where are you? Is there alcohol?" He replied like 30 mins later and said "No..I am in bed now, I have to get up for a class tomorrow" Like WTF??? And another time when I said I wanted to drink and he said "Come to my house and drink on my porch, so I don't have to use my legs haha" Then I said "Ok where do you live?" He didn't text me back after that and there are more situations where I agree to go out with him, but then he'll back out, and it's this game I have been playing with him. At least I flat out rejected his offers (in a nice way) in the beginning, I mean I wouldn't say "Let's do something" then back out. At least I just flat out said NO! And like I said it was only cause I didn't know him that well, and I needed to get to know him

Here was the convo when I texted him and it was 2 hours later.

Me: So...what's going on? lol
Jim: Eating at Applebees
Me: If you ave plans then that's cool, I'm gonna go to my friends house, but let me know if you still want to do something
Jim: I'll let you know when I am out of here

He then posted on Facebook 2 hours later "ANother perfect night" And he posted pics of our friend, Lisa, with Jessica's Baby, and it even said "With Jessica SMith" So he was with her and Lisa, and Lisa's husband at Applebees. He never texts me back, and he honestly should've just said "I have other plans, I'll catch you later" or something.

Also why is he trying to go out with me, but yet he has a thing for Jessica?
Why is he doing this to me? I am not in the mood to be messed with right now, for what is going on

I just don't understand any of this, he backs away when I agree to go out with him, and even though I think him and Jessica are grimey, I was still willing to go out with him, just to figure out the situation.

Is he trying to make me jealous? I just don't understand any of this, and I am very hurt by all of this. I just feel like I put everyone as my top priority, I never put anyone on the back burner, and I feel like that is what he is doing to me, like I am not important enough to text back or to hang with, only Jessica in his eyes now is important, but it's funny cause he is the one that texts me and calls me, I never initiate conversation. I helped him through alot of problems, I was there for him 100% and I just feel like I am on the back burner like I am not at all important to him. Jessica certainly did not help him the way I did. I am extremely hurt, and honestly I am sick of all of this. Any thoughts as to why he is doing this to me? Thank you!

[lalalita]

His behavior would have me so turned off. I don't know the whole story, and I don't feel like reading older posts, but just the bailing would have me walking. It's almost as if he gets a thrill out of flirting with the idea of seeing you, but when push comes to shove, he chickens out the second it becomes concrete and not just some fantasy.

[atir12]

Yeah, I think he's not interested, to be honest. If he were, he would have already made an effort to see you. Not to mention the way he's flirting with other girls while asking you out on dates.

If I were you, I would just stop talking to him and try to move on with my life without him around. You deserve better.

[Wakeup]

it's this game I have been playing with him.

QUIT playing the game then. Ask him to come to yours and if he makes an excuse then next him and don't bother talking to him anymore. You allow this to happen by keeping up the charade. Move things forward or stop them all together. The power is yours. Stop giving it all to him.

[smackie9]

This guy isn't interested in you if he keeps blowing you off.....now you know what most guys go through with girls flaking out on them.

If this isn't the way you like to be treated, then stop talking to him all together and move on with your life.

[Boisdevie]

QUIT playing the game then. Ask him to come to yours and if he makes an excuse then next him and don't bother talking to him anymore. You allow this to happen by keeping up the charade. Move things forward or stop them all together. The power is yours. Stop giving it all to him.

Games are for children.

[Metalhead05]

His behavior would have me so turned off. I don't know the whole story, and I don't feel like reading older posts, but just the bailing would have me walking. It's almost as if he gets a thrill out of flirting with the idea of seeing you, but when push comes to shove, he chickens out the second it becomes concrete and not just some fantasy.

I know what you mean! It does seem like he gets a thrill out of me just being stood up or something. I am seriously mad, and I don't want to talk to him ever again, especially if he is having sex with Jessica. Cause that is just grimey to me, Mikey was my best friend, and he was such a sweet person, and he was with this girl Jessica and Jim was best friends with Mikey too! But my friend Mikey died, and it's only been a month and already Jim and Jessica are acting flirty with each other, and possibly having sex with each other, and that just sickens me, cause that just shows both of their characters. But I do agree with you! I will just cut him out, I can't stand any of this. Thank you!

[Metalhead05]

Yeah, I think he's not interested, to be honest. If he were, he would have already made an effort to see you. Not to mention the way he's flirting with other girls while asking you out on dates.

If I were you, I would just stop talking to him and try to move on with my life without him around. You deserve better.

What I don't get though is if he is not interested then why does HE contact me? HE calls and texts me. HE asks me out, it's always HE! Like I said I never contact him first, I just reply. I know I am not that important to him cause like I said he never text me back or called me to let me know we aren't going to hang out that night, he's just garbage, and it hurts to know that someone just completely used you, cause I was there for him, when noone else was, and I nurtured and helped him through some really deep problems he was having and when his life was in shambles, I was basically the one that picked him up when he was down. So, it just hurts, but you are right I do deserve better. Thank you so much! I appreciate you commenting on this post! Thanks!

[Metalhead05]

QUIT playing the game then. Ask him to come to yours and if he makes an excuse then next him and don't bother talking to him anymore. You allow this to happen by keeping up the charade. Move things forward or stop them all together. The power is yours. Stop giving it all to him.

I didn't allow anything! HE CONTACTS ME!!! How much more do I have to explain, that I am not the one that initiates conversation or initiates anything! HE does though, and I just reply or pick up the phone. But I am just confused cause like I said I just don't udnerstand his motives and what he wants from me? It's confusing, but thank you for commenting!

[Metalhead05]

This guy isn't interested in you if he keeps blowing you off.....now you know what most guys go through with girls flaking out on them.

If this isn't the way you like to be treated, then stop talking to him all together and move on with your life.

Yes I agree! I am going to move on, but I am just confused as to what he wants out of me, and why he keeps doing this. Like if he is not interested in me, then why does HE contact me? Why does he ask me out? I never contact him first! He is always texting or calling me seeing how I am and tried to help me when my grandfather passed away, etc. So if he is not interested then why does he contact me? or ask how I am? I am not debating you on this, I am just confused cause I really don't know if he is interested or not, like if I was the one always contacting him, and if I was the one asking him out all the time, then I could see people saying "He's not interested" But that's the thing it's always him initiating everything! But thank you for commenting on my post I greatly appreciate it!

[smackie9]

Well if you really want to know, you are just going to have to call him out on it.

[Wakeup]

I didn't allow anything! HE CONTACTS ME!!! How much more do I have to explain, that I am not the one that initiates conversation or initiates anything! HE does though, and I just reply or pick up the phone. But I am just confused cause like I said I just don't udnerstand his motives and what he wants from me? It's confusing, but thank you for commenting!

You DO ALLOW it. When you continue to talk to someone that keeps playing you like a fiddle then YOU ARE ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN. It doesn't matter that HE CONTACTS YOU. If he contacted you and you didn't respond, then you'd stop allowing him to play you now wouldn't you?

Now.. either call him out on his bull sh*t or; stop talking to him altogether so he can't keep playing with your feelings.

You enable him to make you feel bad by responding to him instead of ignoring him.

[lisatalarico]

Games are for children.

I agree with that.
Some people have to learn that some times life is complicated and some other is so simple.

[atir12]

What I don't get though is if he is not interested then why does HE contact me? HE calls and texts me. HE asks me out, it's always HE! Like I said I never contact him first, I just reply. I know I am not that important to him cause like I said he never text me back or called me to let me know we aren't going to hang out that night, he's just garbage, and it hurts to know that someone just completely used you, cause I was there for him, when noone else was, and I nurtured and helped him through some really deep problems he was having and when his life was in shambles, I was basically the one that picked him up when he was down. So, it just hurts, but you are right I do deserve better. Thank you so much! I appreciate you commenting on this post! Thanks!

I don't know because I don't know him, but some guys (and girls) love to keep adding names to their list of conquests. It sounds like this guy is trying to plant seeds all over the garden and see which flower is willing to be picked up. If I were in this situation, I would let him know this flower here will never want to be picked by him. I hope the metaphor makes sense.

[smackie9]

If you are a lonely wall flower of a girl, and he is some what popular and charmimng.....he's just f uckin with ya for his, and others who are with him, own amusement.