Give it a chance? Or he's just not into me?

[kaya]

So, I have been seeing a guy for 2-3 months. We have done the normal stuff, hiking, dinners, etc. We were also sexually involved. The issue is that there has been a noticeable shift in his behavior towards me. For one, I have not seen him in a little over 3 weeks. The last time I saw him, he came over, we had dinner, and had a nice evening. Nothing seemed wrong. Then, a week or so passed and not a peep from him. I sent him a casual text, asking how he was, and saying I noticed that he was quiet. He said he was a little down and was laying low (back story on that is that he is unemployed and having a terrible time finding a job - lots of disappointments) I asked if it was anything he wanted to talk about. Said I missed him. He said we should get together in the next several days (this was over a week ago) I said sure, and told him when I was available. He did not respond to that - but later asked about when I leave for an upcoming vacation. I toldhim - no response to that. Long story short - I still have not seen him. He responds to my texts - but nothing about getting together. Also, I have to initiate the contact.

In my mind, we are too far into things for him to disappear. I'm not sure if this is a situation where he just thinks that by going quiet he will end things? I guess my question is what should my next action be? 1. I go quiet and just assume it is over. 2. Just address it directly in as non-confrontational a way is possible? i.e. I've noticed we haven't been communicating as much, and we haven't seen each other in weeks? Is there an issue?

I don't know if he is really so down that he doesn't want to do anything. Or, if he is backing off to figure out what he wants. Or, if he's just done with the relationship. His work/unemployment situation has been essentially the same since I met him, so it's not like it really coincides with the last three weeks. Whether it matters or not, I do seem him somewhat active on FB. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post!

[TheEvilJester]

It would seem most likely that if he were interested in you, he would make time. It doesn't sound like he is treating you like a priority. Though, I don't want to automatically assume the worst. Sometimes, in all honesty, we all have moments where we feel down. Where life seems to kick us every time we try to get back up. So, it is possible that he is just feeling too down to do much.

But, when it comes down to it, if he wants to be with you, he needs to treat you like you are a priority. It is nice of you to be there for him, but if he won't even let you do that, it may well be time to move on. If things don't start to improve, I think your scenario #2 would probably be best. In fact, I very much like the way you put it. In as non-confrontational a way as possible, have a discussion with him about it. Let him know how you feel. Explain it is one thing if he is a little down in the dumps for a bit and doesn't want to really do much, but that he can't just completely disappear on you. Basically, the jist is you want to be there for him if he will let you, but you can't do that if he isn't also there for you. If he doesn't want a relationship, then fine. But he can't just leave you hanging and wondering. Either he wants a relationship or he does not. If he does not, he needs to let you know so you can move on.

Good luck, either way. I hope it works out for you however is best, and you find what you are looking for, whether it is him or not.

[kaya]

Thanks. That's exactly how I feel - he's not making me a priority. I don't even necessarily expect to be a top priority - but I don't expect someone to go MIA on me either. We are in that place where it's not quite serious but not too casual either. However, if he's decided to move on or whatever, I would have expected some sort of discussion. Being down is one thing, but lack of communication is another. I'm leaving for vac for a week on Sat. I'm wondering if I should just let things ride out until I get back, or try to have a discussion before.

[kaya]

And, also like you said, I hate to assume the worst too, but I am also a realist.

[Boisdevie]

You're not a priority and he's too pussy to tell you that.

[surfhb2]

I'd move on. If a guys into you, he'd make time.....especially if there's sex involved

[bubble]

I agree with others, if he were really into you, he'd make time. Especially if he's feeling down, seeing you should make him feel better.