Is this a healthy relationship?

[Grimraven]

Hello,

First I will give a quick summary of my relationship with my girlfriend and I would like to know if what's going on between us is normal.
I went on a date with a girl overseas.
We both felt chemistry, so we continued dating online via skype, including webcam.
We have been talking every day and everything was like a dream at first...
I offered her to visit me in December for 3 weeks as we both would have time off, so we could spend time together in person and get to know each other better.
I told her that I would like to marry her if everything works out between us because that is the only way for us to be together, and she was ok with that idea, although she really does not want to leave her parents and move to US in general. She said she would only do this for me.
One day she said she was really lonely and it is really hard for her to wait till December.
I felt really bad and I booked the flight for just a weekend to go visit her in October.
She was really happy about it and started looking forward to my visit and demanded that I would come stay at her place during my visit (including nights of course )

However, here is where the bad part comes in. One day she told me that some guy from work found her phone number from the database and started calling her.
Next, she told me that one evening she is going for a walk with a guy friend. I felt jealous and she noticed that.
Next day she told me it's nothing to worry about, that it was not even a friend but more like an acquaintance.
I thought I was overreacting and decided there is really nothing to worry about.
Next, she told me that she was in work party but after which she ended up going to have some food with that same guy who went for a walk with her and then took her home.
The day after, she invited him and some of her girlfriends to watch fireworks. She posted a picture of him holding her by her waist on facebook...When I expressed my frustration, she did not understand me at all, saying that it was just a picture.
I expressed my concerns that I am not sure what intentions this guy has towards her.
She responded that obviously just friendly, because she told him about having me as her boyfriend.
Next, she wanted to go to the play but apparently did not have anyone to go with so she invited that same friend.
I then started asking questions how long does she know him. I found out that she has know him for just 2.5 weeks and that in fact it is the same guy who found her number from work site and was calling her.
I told her I am not comfortable with her seeing this guy, even though she keeps saying they are not doing anything I should worry about and that the fact that she is telling me everything should assure me of it. She also said I should trust her and just understand her, because she feels very lonely. She also said that i am very dear to her, she wants to be with me and does not want to lose me.
But when she went to the play with that guy, she told him about our issues, that I am uncomfortable with her seeing him. The guy is either nice or sneaky, because what he said is that he is very sorry to hear that and would not want her to fight with her boyfriend over him. If she decides to stop seeing him, he would understand. She had no intention to stop seeing him of course.
When she told me this I thanked her, and said I feel better about all of this, and she told me she was relieved to talk to him...which i am not sure how to interpret that, because it feels like she is just really undecided what she wants and almost like she was afraid that she would have to stop seeing that guy.
The following day she was feeling lonely again, so this guy offered her to watch a movie, at her place in the evening. When I heard that I tried to play cool but I still expressed my concerns. She responded that it's not like she is in love with him.
The following day she had to go to the clinics and was not able to get back home alone so she needed someone to take care of her, by driving her there and back, so of course it was that guy again.
This weekend she was recovering at her parents, and when I talked to her over the phone, she told me this guy came to pick her up and take her to her place....

So here I am hurting as hell, feeling like she is slipping away, but at the same time afraid to tell her anything, because I really want to see her in person in October which is so soon and figure things out then.

What do you think is the best thing for me to do?

[smackie9]

What she did makes total sense.....she wants to be with someone locally, that lives there, works there and has a life there. It's a no brainer why she chooses to do this. This is why LDR's don't work. You are fighting a losing battle here. Save your money, and you yourself date locally too.....enough with this nonsense.

It's not a healthy way to have a relationship....what's happening now, yes it's normal.

[Grimraven]

Then why is she telling me she really likes me, wants to be with me and does not want to lose me?

[smackie9]

She is emotionally attached to you...but in the end the distance is killing her......she's lonely, and I bet she is sitting on the fence about it as she enjoys this fellow's company.

[Grimraven]

I think I am starting to see the whole picture now...

[Boisdevie]

What do you think is the best thing for me to do?

Get some therapy. Or perhaps it's just me but the idea of someone talking about marriage to someone that they have never actually met in person is just plain loony. Are all the other women in the USA married, gay or otherwise unavailable that you have to do internet bullshittery with someone from overseas?

[Boisdevie]

[QUOTE=smackie9;94444.....she's lonely, and I bet she is sitting on the fence about it as she enjoys this fellow's company.[/QUOTE]

Give it a week and she'll be sitting on the other guys knob.

[danweiss]

The only way I see to make this thing "healthy" in some kind of way is that there must not be any distance between you two. As the others said, this is what will kill you both. Either you stay with her all the time or this all makes no sense, simple as that, I'm sorry...

[searock]

Nope, it's not healthy because you've never lived close to each other, so you technically aren't even in a relationship. You don't know what it's like to see each other every day or almost every day, to live everyday life together.

[IndiReloaded]

I've posted this before but beginnings are delicate. You need to spend time together to build rapport. You never had a chance compared to the local guy. Can't fight biology, sorry.

Again, its been posted before, but LDRs only work out with 2 conditions:
1. You already have a strong, established relationship.
2. The separation time has a defined endpoint.