Why do many guys now assume it's a lie when a girl tells them she's a virgin?

[BlueMoonSal]

I told that to my then ex bf (same guy I still talk to sometimes; though recently we have spoken about getting back some day......long distance) years ago and he didn't seem too impressed. He said ''Oh ok'', treated it as a whatever topic and we started talking about something else. It wasn't till some time started passing by that he actually believed me but initially didn't. It's been now 6+ years later since losing it and yes I still remember the date. It was on a Jan 4, 2007 and I was 19 years old and 9 months.

Anyway, one time I got curious and decided to ask him what he thought when I first told him that on the 2nd week or so of dating and his reply was ''I thought you were lying, saying that to make yourself look good, then I found out it was true and loved you even more'' and then he describe it was his best relationship ever with me. Recently, he also added that when he told this to a couple of his friends (after I told him) at the time, none of them believed it either and basically told him that it was BS.

He started describing everything he loved about me and him being my first was just another plus to everything else he already liked. But wow, I was a little surprised on hearing that I was first viewed as a liar trying to lower her number.

[toknow]

It's pretty sad isn't it. Should be the other way around.

It's because it's relatively rare.

[basilandthyme]

Why do so many guys assume that when a girl says she's a virgin it's untrue? That's quite a generalisation.

How did you get from one guy to "so many" guys?

[Exeter19]

i usually take people at their words, i wouldn't automatically think they lied about it and if they did they have deeper issues that would make me not enjoy a relationship with them and it wouldn't be because they weren't a virgin.

[searock]

Sorry but your ex bf sounds like a creep - why would he be happy that you were a virgin? It's just a thing like any other. It's creepy that it made him "love you more".

I don't think most guys think that girls are lying when they say they are virgins. Saying you are a virgin doesn't make you "look good".

[BlueMoonSal]

Why do so many guys assume that when a girl says she's a virgin it's untrue? That's quite a generalisation.

How did you get from one guy to "so many" guys?

I once stumbled this same topic, where a male poster on another site mentions about his gf being a virgin and most of the other male posters tell him not to believe everything she says and that she's more than likely not a virgin. Another poster told him to literally stop believing in flying carpets.

[searock]

I find it sad that there are people who still think being a virgin is something to lie about (male or female). As if it were a really amazing thing to be.

[HDBadger]

I wouldn't automatically assume it's a lie, but it is statistically unusual, particularly because women have a much easier time getting laid than guys.

Just took a quick look at a bunch of surveys of young people: In most of those surveys, over 80 percent weren't virgins at 19 and, in some cases, over 90 percent weren't virgins.

[searock]

It may be statistically unusual, but why would anyone lie about it? It's not a bad thing to not be a virgin, as much as it isn't a good thing not to be a virgin... it's just a thing, it has no positive or negative connotations (same thing goes for being a virgin). It's pointless to lie about it, I don't think a lot of people do that.

[HDBadger]

I've known plenty of people who lied at one time or another about being (or not being) a virgin, or their number of sex partners. Whatever reasons they have, people do this - it's a fact.

Also, *some* people will judge others on their sexual experience, or lack thereof. This is also a fact. Sucks, but it's true.

So yeah, depending on the situation, some people will feel the need to lie about their experience. It happens.

[BlueMoonSal]

Sorry but your ex bf sounds like a creep - why would he be happy that you were a virgin? It's just a thing like any other. It's creepy that it made him "love you more".

I asked him about that and from his description, he meant he liked my other qualities mainly (not a smoker, going to college, not being the jealous girl that snoops through his stuff and my personality overall) and the being a virgin and making him wait for nearly 5 months was a plus to everything else.

I guess it's like of like a sundae with the cherry on the top or your nearly perfect house with a decoration added to it (the decoration isn't what makes the house nearly perfect but a complement to it). Same thing with the sundae, you're not eating the cherry but the ice-cream and the cherry is just adding a bit more into it.

I don't think most guys think that girls are lying when they say they are virgins. Saying you are a virgin doesn't make you "look good".

I get the feeling there might be some girls that probably lie about it and that makes it harder to know who is telling the truth and who isn't.

[searock]

Yeah, I just don't think the majority of people do. It's quite counter-productive really (as lying almost always is after all): what's the point lying about yourself when you're getting to know a person you are interested in? The lie is going to be discovered sooner or later, and you will lose their trust even before a relationship even began. Most importantly though: why would you want to impress a person that judges people based on their number of sexual partners? I think saying "I am not a virgin" (provided it's the truth) can actually be a good way to weed out creeps.

[searock]

I asked him about that and from his description, he meant he liked my other qualities mainly (not a smoker, going to college, not being the jealous girl that snoops through his stuff and my personality overall) and the be being a virgin and making him wait was a plus to everything else.

I guess it's like of like a sundae with the cherry on the top or your nearly perfect house with a decoration added to it (the decoration isn't what makes the house nearly perfect but a complement to it). Same thing with the sundae, you're not eating the cherry but the ice-cream and the cherry is just adding more into it.

I just don't think there's anything positive about being (or not being) a virgin. The fact that he viewed it as something positive makes me immediately think "creep!".

[BlueMoonSal]

I just don't think there's anything positive about being (or not being) a virgin. The fact that he viewed it as something positive makes me immediately think "creep!".

I think deep in a young guy's subconscious mind (in many I would say; even if they deny it and say they don't want a virgin, deep inside they do wish), he would like being a girl's first, the first one to guide her through but learns to repress that desire and is brought back to reality and seeks for other things within a girl, forgetting about that repressed desire until it is brought up. In a way many guys see it as a positive aspect that they don't expect to find but if they happen to accidentally stumbled upon that, then it must be like finding a needle in a haystack.

I know, it sounds like a creepy explanation and it's hard to grasp it.

[searock]

I think deep in a young guy's subconscious mind (in many I would say; even if they deny it and say they don't want a virgin, deep inside they do), he would like being a girl's first, the first one to guide her through but learns to repress that desire and is brought back to reality and seeks for other things within a girl, forgetting about that repressed desire until it is brought up. In a way many guys see it as a positive aspect that they don't expect to find but if they happen to accidentally stumbled upon that, then it must be like finding a needle in a haystack.

Thankfully, I'm pretty sure most guys aren't like that. I've met guys like that and they were all creepy older guys...