Am I horrible or just bored?

[KatieKat]

I am in a very long term relationship. I love him and he loves me. I love our relationship. We are happy. My issue is that I think I am bored. I don't want anything to hurt our relationship, but how do I get over the boredom? I have talked to him about it, but nothing really happens. When I say bored, I pretty much am referring to sex.

I have a friend I would really enjoy "playing" with. I would never want a relationship with him, just fun. Am I a horrible person because I think about this? I don't want my relationship to end, just want to have fun with my friend once or twice maybe. Ugh. I feel horrible for even thinking about it.

Boredom sucks.

[Agnus]

Threesome?

[TheRaven]

I am in a very long term relationship. I love him and he loves me. I love our relationship. We are happy. My issue is that I think I am bored. I don't want anything to hurt our relationship, but how do I get over the boredom? I have talked to him about it, but nothing really happens. When I say bored, I pretty much am referring to sex.

I have a friend I would really enjoy "playing" with. I would never want a relationship with him, just fun. Am I a horrible person because I think about this? I don't want my relationship to end, just want to have fun with my friend once or twice maybe. Ugh. I feel horrible for even thinking about it.

Boredom sucks.

You dont want to be in a relationship.

Simple as that.

ANY long term relationship you think the sex is going to be as fantastic as it was at first and the newness of it wears off?

Then you better have other stuff to count on. Like love...understanding...an honest and true caring about the person...someone you genuinely really cant imagine not spending time with.


I ws in a 16 year relationship that ended recently. I'm in a relative position of power and in the past 16 years i've been propositioned many many times...sometimes directly and sometimes " come over to my place and let me cook you dinner" ...right...
There ws a period when she was sick with kidney failure for 6 years and I went without sex for those 6 years.


NEVER ONCE did even the inkling of the thought that I'd want sex with another occurred to me. It was simply outside my my world of thought and I'd either politely turn it down or completely ignore it.

And I'm a guy.

If you are feeling this...you dont want to be in a relationship...Occam's razor.

[VincenzoG91]

Katie, the sex is boring because you and he have let it get boring. Cheating is a very extreme step to take. Try some other things first, like new positions, role-playing, watching/reading porn together, maybe some light bondage. Cheating is lousy choice, because somebody will eventually get hurt. If you love him, don't cheat on him. If you really want to cheat, then you don't really love him. End the relationship and move on.

[smackie9]

Why not approach him with the idea of having an open relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

Why not approach him with the idea of having an open relationship.

Why not kick him in the crotch? Unless he has at some point displayed some receptiveness to an open relationship, the suggestion is likely to over badly and also make him question the nature of their relationship.

[LifeInflux]

Why not kick him in the crotch? Unless he has at some point displayed some receptiveness to an open relationship, the suggestion is likely to over badly and also make him question the nature of their relationship.

Pretty much agree with that... "Honey, I think we should have an open relationship. Oh by the way, I already found the guy I want to screw, so.. happy hunting."

Might as well wrap your relationship up into a little ball and kick it out the door.

I also agree with Vincenzo that you should try other things before you do something foolish. I always think its funny when people try nothing and give up because they were tired from all of their not trying.

[Boisdevie]

If you've tried talking to him and things have not changed to your satisfaction then either
Leave him or
Stop complaining.

[bubble]

I would imagine that you're using boredom as an excuse & to justify wanting to sleep with someone else. If boredom was the only issue, you'd talk to him about it, try to work on it and on improving your relationship and not think about doing other men.

[TheEvilJester]

No offense at all intended, but I simply cannot ever understand the constant problem people have with getting bored with sex. I mean, what exactly do you expect? At some point in any relationship, the sex will stop being as inventive or adventurous, and probably stop being as frequent. But that is okay. That happens. That doesn't mean you should constantly have to seek out ways to spice it up. I mean, it is fine to maybe have a little fun with it now and then, but what is wrong with just plain, loving sex? And this is coming from a guy. People put way too much importance on sex.

But, I want to try to be helpful. So the only advice I can offer is, if you want to spice things up a little, take the initiative to experiment. If he isn't interested, and that is a problem for you, then maybe talk about it. But, most guys are likely to be open to a little fun in the bedroom. Just don't necessarily expect ANYBODY to be open to EVERYTHING you may want to try. After all, everybody is their own human being. Just the same as somebody wouldn't want to be made to feel bad about what they are into, you shouldn't make somebody feel bad for what they are not.

Like with many relationship issues, communication is the key. Just remember that this means open and productive communication. Too often, in situations like this, people just turn it into a blaming session, and that is most certainly NOT the attitude to deliver.

[TheRaven]

No offense at all intended, but I simply cannot ever understand the constant problem people have with getting bored with sex. I mean, what exactly do you expect? At some point in any relationship, the sex will stop being as inventive or adventurous, and probably stop being as frequent. But that is okay. That happens. .

see my post above...and i agree...

its because a LOT of people jump into relationships..ONLY looking at " who is it that i want to pork or get porked by the most"

then they wonder why their relationships dont work out...

this girl seems young...fast forward 15 years or 20...she'll be making posts about "where did all the nice guys go" ...

[HeartIsAching]

Katie, the sex is boring because you and he have let it get boring. Cheating is a very extreme step to take. Try some other things first, like new positions, role-playing, watching/reading porn together, maybe some light bondage. Cheating is lousy choice, because somebody will eventually get hurt. If you love him, don't cheat on him. If you really want to cheat, then you don't really love him. End the relationship and move on.

You've tried talking about the boredom, but nothing happens... have you TRIED anything new?

[TheEvilJester]

see my post above...and i agree...

its because a LOT of people jump into relationships..ONLY looking at " who is it that i want to pork or get porked by the most"

then they wonder why their relationships dont work out...

this girl seems young...fast forward 15 years or 20...she'll be making posts about "where did all the nice guys go" ...

Absolutely agreed. (One a side note, love the screenname, Raven. ;-) )

A lot of people in this day and age place WAY too much importance on sex, and I think a lot of times that is what ruins (or at least ruins in part) a lot of relationships.... or ensures they never have a chance in the first place.

Yes, sex is definitely important. It is an important part of any successful relationship. However, it should not be considered THE MOST important part. Nor should it even be considered overly important. I could never understand couples' constant obsession these days that the sex must always be "new" or "interesting" or "exciting." I mean, it is fine to experiment and have fun now and then. But, if you become obsessed with it always being new, eventually you will hit a wall where there is nothing new to try that you are both willing to try. What is wrong with sex being exciting simply in and of itself? Simply because you are doing it with the one you love? I swear, sometimes I think I was born into the wrong time period.

[TheRaven]

Absolutely agreed. (One a side note, love the screenname, Raven. ;-) )

A lot of people in this day and age place WAY too much importance on sex, and I think a lot of times that is what ruins (or at least ruins in part) a lot of relationships.... or ensures they never have a chance in the first place.

Yes, sex is definitely important. It is an important part of any successful relationship. However, it should not be considered THE MOST important part. Nor should it even be considered overly important. I could never understand couples' constant obsession these days that the sex must always be "new" or "interesting" or "exciting." I mean, it is fine to experiment and have fun now and then. But, if you become obsessed with it always being new, eventually you will hit a wall where there is nothing new to try that you are both willing to try. What is wrong with sex being exciting simply in and of itself? Simply because you are doing it with the one you love? I swear, sometimes I think I was born into the wrong time period.

Thanks about the Screen name compliment

And I totally agree dude. I could be absolutely head over heels physically attracted to someone...but if i cannot have a blast talking to them over dinner...or just wandering around some beach side niknack shopee...doing nothing and still completely enjoying myself...well...there is my left hand...and if i want some strange...hey..i got my right one too!

I should have been born maybe 50 years earlier than now...but i do really like this running water and medicine stuff!

I could do away with the rest...ook a nice resturant and a nice filet..i'll keep...the rest can be gone!

but getting back to it...
1) why do people think they'll want to have sex as often as when they were in their 20s...and if not something is wrong...god i never ever ever want to be THAT horney again...i actually get work done now.
2) If you eat steak every day...soon you'll tire of even the finest cut...BUT..if you were best friends with that steak....and really could not imagine life without its company..THAT is a marriage...

...PS I dont actually talk to my food...

...well not often anyhow...



Tox!

[bubble]

My guess would be that's why so many relationships fall apart. People enter them with unrealistic expectations and once the thrill is gone, they think it's over and move on to the next person.
But while I do agree that the sex can't always be wild, new and exciting, two people who love each other should also work on spicing things up every now and then, keeping things interesting is part of love and friendship and the person you love is worth that time.