Why do you men string women along?

[Nicki XoXo]

I'm upset with him and hurt because I spent four years with him and for what? He was the only man I've been with while seeing him. If I had seen another man, he would've left me. He made that clear. After four years, of course he loved me. I was his girlfriend, not courtesan .

He stringed me along and broke my heart. Instead of insulting me, answer my original question please.

[HeartIsAching]

Well that would be idiotic on her part. My child has nothing to do with her. She would be foolish to try and keep my child father away from him. If she did fight me on it, then i'd be forced to defend myself and child. I could make their lives miserable but I'm not that type of woman unless she forced me to go there.

I want him to have a strong relationship with our child. I want him to physically be in his life and be a full time father. I want him to be involved. That's it. I wish I was with him but I realize that isn't going to happen. Even if it doesn't work out with his wife, he has to know he can't walk in and out my life as he pleases so that would be a no go for me if under those circumstances.

I'm at odds with nearly everyone in my personal life because they said it was unrealistic and I was living in a fantasy. Why is it so hard for everybody to believe that this situation could work?

I see a bunny in a pot in your future.

[basilandthyme]

I'm at odds with nearly everyone in my personal life because they said it was unrealistic and I was living in a fantasy. Why is it so hard for everybody to believe that this situation could work?

It looks to me like everyone's predictions for the failure of this venture are coming true.

Has anyone said "I told you so" yet?

[basilandthyme]

I find it interesting to read the thread you wrote when you found you were pregnant http://www.loveforum.net/threads/78414-My-married-lover-I-dont-know-what-to-do?highlight=

He made it very clear that he did not want to have a child with you. He was also still with his family. So, why are you surprised that you're having so much difficulty with getting him to engage now? Did you expect him to change his mind and want to play happy families with you and the bastard child?

[Nicki XoXo]

I just knew one of you would bring that up. Rub it in my face, why don't you?

[Valixy]

I wasn't living in a fantasy. That definitely was not my intention to Break his wife heart or his other children. It's a reality but you make at seem as though, that was my sole purpose. They were off and on and seperated at times. When he moved to another state on business, so did I. He wanted me to. He was my boyfriend. He said that she been knew of our relationship but they were seperated. We have been seeing each other for four years. I don't know what the hell the wife was doing. We were dating.

Temptations come in all forms but you have to be stronger. You wouldn't steal someone's car or dog even if you liked it, would you? You shouldn't take someone's husband either. If they were on and off it was obvious they had unfinished business, you should have backed off from respect and principle. You had plenty of signs that this wasn't the right relationship for many reasons but you went with it. Learn from it, accept your responsibility, admit your selfishness and don't make the same mistake again. You can still be a great mum for your child and he can grow very happy just by having you.

[Nicki XoXo]

I thought he would change. When I was pregnant he was more and more caring. He came to my appointments and he was excited the more our baby grew. He was there when I had him. He named him and he signed the birth certificate. During this time, he was not with the wife. He was with me. He lived with me until right after I had the baby and now he's done a whole 360 out of the blue and wants to work on his marriage. I don't understand why he strung me along knowing deep down he still wanted his wife. That was my point of this thread.

[basilandthyme]

I just knew one of you would bring that up. Rub it in my face, why don't you?

Ignoring the facts doesn't change the facts.

[Valixy]

I thought he would change. When I was pregnant he was more and more caring. He came to my appointments and he was excited the more our baby grew. He was there when I had him. He named him and he signed the birth certificate. During this time, he was not with the wife. He was with me. He lived with me until right after I had the baby and now he's done a whole 360 out of the blue and wants to work on his marriage. I don't understand why he strung me along knowing deep down he still wanted his wife. That was my point of this thread.

You can't trust a man who cheats. His words and his feelings should have zero importance to you. A man who cheats is a liar and he will end up lying and disappointing you too. What he is doing to you now isn't more shocking than what he did to his wife whom he loved for years, adored when she was pregnant and celebrated having two babies with her. In spite of all that, he had no problems breaking her heart, then he broke yours just as easily. He is unstable, unfaithful, he doesn't know what love is and he has no respect for the women in his life. Next time choose better if you want to be respected and happy in love.

[J.Sphynx]

I'm upset with him and hurt because I spent four years with him and for what? He was the only man I've been with while seeing him. If I had seen another man, he would've left me. He made that clear. After four years, of course he loved me. I was his girlfriend, not courtesan .

He stringed me along and broke my heart. Instead of insulting me, answer my original question please.

I thought he would change. When I was pregnant he was more and more caring. He came to my appointments and he was excited the more our baby grew. He was there when I had him. He named him and he signed the birth certificate. During this time, he was not with the wife. He was with me. He lived with me until right after I had the baby and now he's done a whole 360 out of the blue and wants to work on his marriage. I don't understand why he strung me along knowing deep down he still wanted his wife. That was my point of this thread.

Are you seeking justification for your lack of self control?

It is wrong to degrade one's self down to be the seconds for a man, it's also wrong to knowling trap someone by getting pregnant with an innocent, it's also wrong to drive equal rights for a child that you conceived for your own selfish gain.

Through the actions of lust, this is the accomplishment, you have succeeded in ruining two families and adding another broken home to the statistics. The angelic boy you described, will one day become a man, when he reaches the age of understanding, all hell will break loose.

Be prepared to have the correct answers for him, for he will hold you both responsible for being born as nothing more than a pawn and used as a centerpiece.

[smackie9]

He just wanted some company and a hole to put his penis in....by no means a baby and marriage was in the future plans and it took you 4 years to figure that out??. hah getting pregnant is no way to a man's heart btw..... so stupid on you.

[smackie9]

Wakeup is right. You only have a legal right to get child support, and visitations by him......but there is no legal action for you to be a part of his life.

[Nicki XoXo]

Be prepared to have the correct answers for him, for he will hold you both responsible for being born as nothing more than a pawn and used as a centerpiece.

What indication have you gotten that makes you think he is a pawn or centerpiece?

[J.Sphynx]

Some of you may already know my story. I dated a married man for about 4+ years. I then became pregnant. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy a few weeks ago and as I settle into motherhood, I am facing my reality. His wife does know of our affair and our baby. Although he is being a good father to our son financially, I know my son will want for nothing as we both have fulfilling careers. I feel as though my son isn't going to get the same treatment his other kids get because he spends more time with his wife and their two children. He is working on getting back with his wife. I don't know if she'll take him back. He told me that if it doesn't work out with her, he definitely wants to be with me. I didn't have the energy to argue with him. I know deep down that it's over between us. I deserve better then that. So does my son. After I had him, everything changed. My entire outlook on this situation changed. I'd rather be a single mother to my child then to allow him to see his daddy creeping with me or being the other woman. I do love him still but I decided to let go. I'm holding on to nothing anyway. I told him he should bring his other kids to meet their little brother and he said, sweetheart that's not a good idea. Not now. I feel as if they should know their brother and have a relationship with him. I want my kid to get treated equally and I know it's a working progress.

I know I'm partially responsible for this. I really loved him but I wonder if he ever loved me. I feel as if he took an advantage of me. My question is, why do some of you men string women along? Why treat a woman like that? Why get her all into you, only to toss her aside in the end? Why do some of you play these foolish ass games? How about being honest from the beginning.

My son is not a bastard. Say what you want about me. I don't care. Don't say anything negative about my baby boy. He is so precious and angelic. I stare at him because I can't fathom how something so perfect came from me and my foolishness. That's the only reason I feel any guilt. I don't feel bad about the affair. It happened. It's over and everyone really need to get over it already. His wife is the problem and I want so badly to talk to her woman to woman and tell her that if she can't accept my child then she need to let him go so he can be a father to my son. It's almost like he has to sneak and I just want everything to be out in the open. I want him to stop trying to control and separate everything. It's almost as if he's devaluing us. Our family.

I still feel like he's playing on my emotions. He told me motherhood makes me more beautiful and he kissed me but it felt different. If he been with his wife, I don't want him touching me. I told him that I was thinking about moving back home with my family and he said he doesn't want me to go because he would miss his son but why the hell am I here just so I can continue feeling alone? I have a lot to put into perspective.

I'm not trying to victimize myself. I accept that having a relationship with him was wrong. The wife need to know and understand that my son is entitled to just as much as her children are and he's going to get everything that he deserves. I don't know why she would even consider taking him back in the first place. My perception is that she is doing this to spite me. However, that's not my position to try and figure it out. That's her problem.

He told me that if I was serious about moving, he had to respect my decision. He said he'd still make sure our child was still well taking care of. He also said he will physically be in our son life as much as possible but for now he's trying to mend everything before unrealistically trying to blend everything. He said it's not an over nght process. The only people in his family who has seen my child is his brother and sister. I think he's shamed to face his parents but so was I. I don't worry myself with that because my child has my family and I.

I understand my reality for sleeping with a married men even if we was in a relationship. Four years. I thought we would be married by now. I don't think I can truly heal whilebeing here so I do plan on going back home.

I think I may talk to him later and tell him once I leave, that's it. He can be in my sons life but as for me, I will be moving on. I love him so I am going to give him a final choice. An intelligent decision so to speak. He wasn't happy with her then, so what the hell has changed?

Well that would be idiotic on her part. My child has nothing to do with her. She would be foolish to try and keep my child father away from him. If she did fight me on it, then i'd be forced to defend myself and child. I could make their lives miserable but I'm not that type of woman unless she forced me to go there.

I want him to have a strong relationship with our child. I want him to physically be in his life and be a full time father. I want him to be involved. That's it. I wish I was with him but I realize that isn't going to happen. Even if it doesn't work out with his wife, he has to know he can't walk in and out my life as he pleases so that would be a no go for me if under those circumstances.

I'm at odds with nearly everyone in my personal life because they said it was unrealistic and I was living in a fantasy. Why is it so hard for everybody to believe that this situation could work?

What indication have you gotten that makes you think he is a pawn or centerpiece?

Via the evidence provided by you, the only link you have to this man is the boy, the empty threats of moving states are hopeless attempts, the suggestions of introducing the other siblings to their halfie and your constant invasion and intrusion into their family circle.

Before that boy was conceived, were you kept as a dirty little secret?, because if the wife knew prior or during the four years of your so called affair, he would have dumped you like a rock, and his seed would have remained pure and intact.

[Nicki XoXo]

Although inaccurate, you're entitled to your own opinion. It's as annoying as people saying, it's our love child.

It's appalling to me that all you people want to do is bash me for a mistake I made and admitted to. Do you have any idea what I am going through? I just gave birth, I'm not with the father and I'm ashamed to move back home. My family is religious and I have to go home with a baby born out of wedlock and under these circumstances. He made a fool out of me and I accept that I let him but he lied to me throughout our entire relationship. He knew I loved him and he took advantage of me. I may not be single for the rest of my life. I'm 27 and I have time to establish other things in life. Right now that isn't a concern of mine. My child only is. I have to live with the fact that he's not going to be with both parents. A family. I know I have to deal with my consequences. We've already agreed to co parent. The baby is ours and he will be there and that's all I need to concern myself with was how he explained it. I'm not going to waste any more of my life with him and I'm just going to be a mother to my son. It'll take some time for me to get over this heartbreak though. I used to feel as if he will always be a part of me because I had a baby with him but now it's not about him. It's all about my son.