If both earn equally, is it ok for wife to expect husband to spend while she saves

[jigsaw1]

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for more than a year and we are going to marry soon. We recently had a heated argument about managing finances after the marriage. I have always been of the opinion that given both earn equally, they should share expenditures.
However, she has taken a stance where she wants me to pay for rent/groceries/furniture (everything) while she saves for the future. She says it is normal and this is how working couples should manage finances.
I feel uncomfortable with this and I don't know why. Since half of my salary would go for house rent, I asked her to share the rent. She fought and finally agreed and now she has become highly passive aggressive, saying she doesn't think I love her and that I have chosen money over her.

[Ginger2013]

Isn't "saving for the future" for the both of you? If you're sharing expenses, what's the big deal if you pay, say $1000 on bills and she puts $1000 into a savings account for your retirements?

[searock]

Would she be ok with switching roles - her paying for stuff and you saving for the future? Since you are sharing expenses, it doesn't really matter whose money it is that goes into savings and whose goes into immediate purchases, right? It's not her or your money, it's your (as a couple) money.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I would not trust someone who suggested what she did. She'd have one fixed expense compared to you having multiple, variable expenses..not fair. The passive aggression after the fact seals the deal. Do not marry this bitch.

Tell her that you're not choosing money over her, and if she thinks you would, maybe you two aren't meant for each other. See how she responds to that.

[surfhb2]

I don't see anything wrong with that as long it's agreed and assured her money is going into a retirement fund for the both of you

Me and my wife trade off.....she pays all the bills one month and I the next

Set 1 hour on the 1st of every month to sit down and do the bills together.....

[dem862]

Wow! She's willing to throw you under the bus already. My ex-wife waitied until the divorce to go after me with the claws.

[basilandthyme]

If she puts the savings into a joint bank account it could make sense. But if she insists in putting it all in her name....not acceptable.

[smackie9]

If there is to be a joint account, it should only be for paying the bills, and the both of you each have your own accounts. Then put equal amount per month into a high interest rate account for saving for the future but needs to be in both names....there simple. A lot of couples counselors suggest this to stop arguments about money by have your own money. Just split it all down the middle.

I have been with my husband for 23 years and we don't even share a credit card let alone a joint account. Everything is split down the middle. He has his money I have mine, even when I make less I do not hold my hand out for more. If he works real hard to buy something like a motorcycle, then so be it. Our arrangement works really well.

There is no such thing as "our money" in my household.

[VerticalMoon]

The suggestion I like best for how married couples should split their money is to have the money both people earn go into a joint account that's used for both household expenses and savings. Then you agree on an equal set amount of money that you'll each get every week or month to spend however you want. This gives everybody some freedom to spend money on personal expenses without worrying about what the other spouse things. Meanwhile, you can operate as one unit when it comes to everything else-purchasing a home, planning a future, etc.

If you want to keep more of your money separate than the approach described in this article can work as well.
http://www.oprah.com/money/Keeping-Separate-Bank-Accounts-Suze-Ormans-Advice-for-Couples
If you're not comfortable sharing as much of your money as the article recommends, then I have to wonder why you're even marrying each other.

[vashti]

I don't understand keeping finances separate when you marry, if you don't want to make a life together, then why bother?

[IndiReloaded]

If there is to be a joint account, it should only be for paying the bills, and the both of you each have your own accounts. Then put equal amount per month into a high interest rate account for saving for the future but needs to be in both names....there simple. A lot of couples counselors suggest this to stop arguments about money by have your own money. Just split it all down the middle.

Here is your answer^.

[smackie9]

There is nothing wrong with having some finacial independence when married. I buy what I want and he buys what he wants, and the bills get paid....We don't have anything to fight over.

House is paid off, now the renos start....isn't that making a life together?

[smackie9]

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for more than a year and we are going to marry soon. We recently had a heated argument about managing finances after the marriage. I have always been of the opinion that given both earn equally, they should share expenditures.
However, she has taken a stance where she wants me to pay for rent/groceries/furniture (everything) while she saves for the future. She says it is normal and this is how working couples should manage finances.
I feel uncomfortable with this and I don't know why. Since half of my salary would go for house rent, I asked her to share the rent. She fought and finally agreed and now she has become highly passive aggressive, saying she doesn't think I love her and that I have chosen money over her.

Isn't this Indian tradition? Your parents move in when the kids come, everyone pools their savings, pay off the house, then buy a bigger one...kids grow up, you move into you first born son's house when he gets married and has kids, you combine your savings, buy an even bigger house and so on. I know weddings are not cheap in your culture.....

[smackie9]

The suggestion I like best for how married couples should split their money is to have the money both people earn go into a joint account that's used for both household expenses and savings. Then you agree on an equal set amount of money that you'll each get every week or month to spend however you want. This gives everybody some freedom to spend money on personal expenses without worrying about what the other spouse things. Meanwhile, you can operate as one unit when it comes to everything else-purchasing a home, planning a future, etc.

If you want to keep more of your money separate than the approach described in this article can work as well.
http://www.oprah.com/money/Keeping-Separate-Bank-Accounts-Suze-Ormans-Advice-for-Couples
If you're not comfortable sharing as much of your money as the article recommends, then I have to wonder why you're even marrying each other.

One thing I do not agree on in that article is the "The division of your cost of living should be based on your incomes." I truly do not feel entitled to have my husband cover a higher percentage because he makes more than me.

[surfhb2]

Everyone should have a budget set out. Once bills and savings are paid out just split what left and either one of you can do whatever you want with what you have on hand

This may cause a shitstorm but a Prenup is essential now days.

I have assets from before I was married. Those are hands off to her just in case our relationship does not work. You'd think the courts would have common sense but its not the case. Case in point: Paul Mcartney