What's Happening????

[samcourts]

Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago as she said she couldn’t do a relationship and was better on her own.

Some background – We are both in our mid 20’s and have known each other since school so like 12 years or so. About 5 years ago we went out for New Years with friends and had a good time. Again a year later we all bumped into each other and exchanged numbers. We have text frequently afterwards and get along really well. We both would say how much in common we have and how we felt we instantly clicked. We would always say we would have to meet up but it never happened due to other circumstances.

My Ex has suffered from Depression in the past and explained that she has up and down days. She said that she never talked about this to people but felt comfortable with me. She has also had some bad relationships with getting cheated on and treated badly.

She broke up with her Ex last May time. As we had been in contact all these years and we were both single we started chatting more and did arrange a meet up. We had a great time, could talk about anything and the time flew. We then arranged more dates and took it from there. We decided to give it a go and it lasted about 2 months until she said that it was hard and she felt she rushed into a relationship too soon. I accepted as it was early days and we both kept in contact and moved on.

Again around February time so about 6 months after, we were chatting a lot again and it felt like last time how happy we were chatting about anything. She would come round and just talk about everything and anything for hours. We would go to the zoo and other places and little signs of affection would creep in; holding hands, arms around each other, small kisses. Little things that mean a lot. We then decided to give it another go and it felt different this time. She was more open and this was a more physical and emotional relationship which lasted for 6 months. She would spend 3 or 4 nights at mine and meeting my parents etc.

We were really good for a month when she started to act a bit differently, having mixed feelings. Her Ex contacts her every now and then and messes with her head. He likes to manipulate. I would always reassure her and make her feel special which she would respond with things like, you’re the greatest thing that has happened to me, you’re the one for me, I want this so bad. We would then be fine again until he contacted her. This would be about once every 3 weeks or so and it put a strain on our relationship. She would say your too good for me which I would say I wasn’t and you were the best thing that’s happened to me and made me really happy.

We had a chat as she wanted to meet on a Friday in August and she said she wanted to be with me but felt it wasn’t fair on me as she felt she hasn’t given all of herself to me and opened up completely. I said that you will have to give it time but she just couldn’t. So I reluctantly accepted but didn’t pressure her into anything. That evening she then text me saying she wanted to be with me and could she see me. I was ecstatic and said of course. She asked me to meet her outside, chucked her arms around me apologising and promising this wouldn’t happen again. She said that it would be just us 2 in this relationship from now and block her Ex’s number. She told me she spoke to her Dad when she went home and said she had been stupid and he agreed. We had a lovely weekend and she went home on the Sunday with a smile and a kiss. I then received a text on the Monday saying she couldn’t be in a relationship and had to be on her own!? I was mythed. I really don’t know if she has a clue what she wants or does but can’t express her feelings. We have always been great together, never argued. It’s gone from speaking everyday for 4 years to we have spoke twice in 2 weeks with me being first to contact and I haven’t seen her since she went home smiling. I’m just lost!

She has had a rough year with her Uncle and Nan passing away so unfortunately I didn’t get to go round and meet her parents with all that was happening at home. I’m just a bit confused really as she would always say to me she is happy with me and wants to be with me, yet she has ended it. The last time we text was Friday and we had a little conversation which was pleasant with no animosity. She would say that she had to work 9 days straight now. We had planned to do something in 2 weeks time so I just ended it with if you still want to do this then just let me know. She replied with ‘yea maybe : ) x’. I haven’t responded to it and we haven’t communicated since. I was thinking of just leaving it and see is she contacts nearer the time. She has always said she finds it really easy to talk to me which is unusual for her and that she always wants to be friends with me and still see each other. To me you don’t say that when ending a relationship so I’m thinking if she knows what she wants.

So obviously my head is just swimming with ideas. Was she not that into me? Can she not let her feelings out? Is it too hard for her to contact me? Does she want me to contact her so she knows its okay to talk? Is this clouded judgement or has she got feelings for her Ex still? I know only she knows but any past experiences or advice will be much appreciated. She hasn’t come round to get her stuff yet either.

Sorry for going on but it all just came out. Thanks so much for your time, I really appreciate it!

[r321148]

Ending things out of the blue is pretty close to my heart at the moment and it is really hard. I don't really have much advice to offer as your current situation sounds fairly similar to mine (although my relationship had a bit less of a foundation). She said I am a great person, i haven't done anything wrong, she really cares for me, wants to stay friends, doesn't want to lose me completely etc etc. She is also busy for the next 2 weeks but said we should meet up after. Maybe it helps to know there are other people in your situation? I can't really tell you what to do as I don't know myself but you don't need to suffer alone
Maybe she wasn't completely over her ex otherwise she would have blocked his number or just not answered as soon as she realised he just kept bringing her down? It sounds like she was/is into you but maybe now just isn't the right time? I think you should probably give her some space and focus on yourself for a bit. You sound like a caring guy but maybe you need to care about yourself more for a while?

[Valixy]

It seems that after a few weeks together she always pulls back. I don't think that her romantic feelings for you are too strong, she probably lets herself carried away by the building up stage of the romance but she doesn't seem to be able to connect with you at a deeper level and probably this is why as soon as the first high emotions calm down, she wants out. Since you are on a completely different emotional level, I don't think that she is the right girl for you. She also has some personal problems as you mentioned that only add to her incapacity of having a proper relationship at the moment. Your future with her might repeat again and again the same painful situation that you're in right now.

[4 ratties]

She should of blocked her ex's number long ago. So she was allowing her ex to contact her every month while in a relationship with you and u were ok with that?
I'm sorry to say I don't think this girl even knows what love is she is so confused and up and down. She might be using guys to fill her loneliness. Who knows who she really loves or if she even knows. Id walk away from this up and down roller coaster right now and find someone more stable and over their ex boyfriend.