lack of sex ruining relationship

[titaniumviper]

Hi, I've joined this website to hopefully get some advice on my situation. I am currently in a relationship of 6 years with a woman who I love with all my heart.

We are very happy together However ever since we first started dating dating the sex has been mediocre at best. Since then it has been getting worst and less and less.

I have Brought the subject up of the lack of sex with her but she always gets shy or defensive and I don't know what else to do. At this point in time we are having sex maybe once or twice a month.
I love her and would do anything for her but I'm just not being full filled sexually and my mind is begging to wonder.

I don't know how much longer this relationship can last like this at it is pretty much asexual at the moment. However this lack of sex doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest

[michelle23]

You need to tell her what you told us "I don't know how much longer this relationship can last like this at it is pretty much asexual at the moment". Use "I" statements when you address her example "I feel very sexually frustrated" and "I would like sex more frequently" and "If we cant fix this together, then I would really like relationship counselling or sex therapy" and "I dread the thought of a sexless marriage for the rest of my life"

Can I ask are you sure she orgasms each time? Do you give her foreplay? If she is not enjoying it, then that explains why shes not that into it.. Or she could be addicted to a vibrator/porn. Or she could have a bad view of sex due to childhood issues or trauma (counselling necessary for this one)

What do you think the problem is? Have you asked her why she has no interest in sex in a non-confrontational way? Example; I want to understand why you dislike sex so much, can you tell me?

[pcmaster]

Shes satisfied thats for sure. I dont know how much sexual energy she makes or spends but obviously theres no need for her to have it more often withy you. Otherwise thinks would be diferent. Im not saying shes cheating but with sex it like as more you do it as more you want it. And vice versa. Maybe shes done it too much that its not fun for her anymore. Or so rarely that she used live with out it.

Even when sex life is fine its good idea to visit sex therapist, he can realy give some advices to refresh sex life

[titaniumviper]

You need to tell her what you told us "I don't know how much longer this relationship can last like this at it is pretty much asexual at the moment". Use "I" statements when you address her example "I feel very sexually frustrated" and "I would like sex more frequently" and "If we cant fix this together, then I would really like relationship counselling or sex therapy" and "I dread the thought of a sexless marriage for the rest of my life"

Can I ask are you sure she orgasms each time? Do you give her foreplay? If she is not enjoying it, then that explains why shes not that into it.. Or she could be addicted to a vibrator/porn. Or she could have a bad view of sex due to childhood issues or trauma (counselling necessary for this one)

What do you think the problem is? Have you asked her why she has no interest in sex in a non-confrontational way? Example; I want to understand why you dislike sex so much, can you tell me?

When we have sex she doesn't have a screaming orgasm but comes quite a few times. When we first started dating she use to always want to watch porn with me and was quite kinky but now if i bring it up she always says no or seems uncomfortable with talking about it. When we do have sex its usually just a "quickie" she wants which if im honest i find kind of boring.

I have no idea what the problem is it just seems like she has lost all interest in a sex life and could be completely happy without one. I'm only 27 I don't want to be stuck in a relationship with no sex for years to come but when i approach the subject she doesn't really see it as a problem.

At first i thought it could be down to the pill she was using as contraception but we have had it changed years ago to a copper coil which has made no difference

[Reddevil]

Yep my boyfriend is the same. I can count on one hand in 7 months how many times and I'm at my wits end too! He says e knows it has to change but never does

[searock]

Maybe it's an emotional issue? Maybe she doesn't feel in love with you anymore?

After how long since you first got together did she start not being much interested in sex? Could she be depressed?

[dem862]

Sex can be less interesting if the relationship has evolved into a friends or roommate type situation. The male is generally responsible for keeping the sexual and romantic relationship thriving. What are you doing, or what have you done to keep it alive and interesting?

[Boisdevie]

I she is unwilling or unable to even talk about this then you sure have some communication problems to deal with. And you've spent 6 years together with a mediocre sex life gradually going downhill? Why have you not dealt this this problem sooner - too scared to end the relationship. You decide - if things don't get better will you end it? Work out what you want and then talk to her. Let her know that unless things change to your satisfaction then you'll end it. Stop being a pussy.

[michelle23]

you should have ended this after 6months man. sexual compatability is so important but since you have been together so long, its worth fighting for.

if i were you i would say "i want sex therapy and if we dont get it, im leaving. i cant be in a sexless relationship" and mean it. go if she refuses.

you should also explain to her that its not just about sex. tell her it would make you feel closer to her if sex wasnt such an effort and explain to her how the rejection hurts you.

[confused33]

I have the same problem with my boyfriend,it was great for the first 6 months but now I can't remember the last time we had any kind of physical contact,it is very very frustrating

[Agnus]

I have Brought the subject up of the lack of sex with her but she always gets shy or defensive and I don't know what else to do.

Foreplay should go first. Otherwise females become defensive.

[Boisdevie]

I have the same problem with my boyfriend,it was great for the first 6 months but now I can't remember the last time we had any kind of physical contact,it is very very frustrating

The stop ****ing complaining to us - sort him out or dump the ****er. Jeezus H Christ.

[danweiss]

You really need to do something about this. Suggest going to a counseller and explain in no uncertain terms how unhappy you are and how bad this is making the relationship.

[vashti]

Is she taking birth control pills or antidepressants? They are well-known to decrease libido.

[Wakeup]

I don't know how much longer this relationship can last like this at it is pretty much asexual at the moment.

I'd say its going to go on until you die. You haven't left her yet and you knew that she wasn't much interested in sex from the first time you bopped her. She aint changing mister and it looks like you're not going anywhere. Six years and you're still putting up with "it is what it is."

Time will tell if you can go an entire lifetime with her without getting is elsewhere. tick, tick, tick