I hate being the "average guy" at parties

[karmacake]

I know this isn't exactly relationship advice, but there are more people viewing this board and I feel like I can get better answers here. So hear me out.

So i just joined a Fraternity in College and we had our first party. I wouldn't say I am ugly (I have nice muscles, athlete, good head on my shoulders) but I am not exactly "smoking hot." I had some good conversations with girls during the party, but the problem is I feel like they weren't at all interested in me and that they were merely speaking to me so they could get at my friends. I just hate how my "frat brothers" are all white (I am Asian) and all the girls are more interested into them and not me. I hate being an average looking guy because I am usually only interested in girls who are out of my league and it makes me sad that there I am always surrounded by better looking men and the majority of the girls just flock to them. Maybe I just need to be more confident and open? I don't know what it is, but if I am talking to a girl I just feel like they aren't really talking to me because they like me, but they are just using me as a placeholder while waiting to get at the other guys.

If someone can relate to me or give me tips, it would really be appreciated. I seriously wish I was either uglier or cuter. If I was uglier I wouldn't go for girls that constantly seem disinterested in me, and if I was cuter, well, then I wouldn't have this issue or be typing this up.

[searock]

There's no such thing as "leagues". Start hanging out with other types of people - more mature and smart people than frat boys and stereotypical college party girls. Hang out in the library, meet girls in class, and so on.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Not sure what part of the country you are in, but that could make a big difference. What do you talk to them about during these "good conversations"? I hope its not your mechanical engineering classes..keep it simple. Try to get them to play beer pong or flip cup or whatever with you, so you're not just trying to talk them out of their panties. Frat parties were always a crap shoot for me, but I was also selling weed and coke, so that helped my batting average I'm sure.

My advice is college girls(especially sorority girls) are stupid, and what's worse, they think they're smart. Don't bother trying to cater to them. Do your thing, and focus on setting yourself up for after you graduate. I've ****ed wayyy more dumb college broads after I left school than I ever did when I was in school. I did have a girlfriend for 2+ years, but my kill ratio when I was single was much lower than it is now(or right out of school). For now, stop looking at them as people, and start viewing them as the meatheads do. Get really drunk and start grabbing..

If you want a quality girl, follow Searock's advice. If you're just interested in banging these sorority scheezers, follow mine.

Hopefully at least some of this makes sense.

[searock]

Ugh .

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ugh.

What? I gave you a shout out.

[searock]

Yes and I appreciated it, it's just I can't help but cringe every time I read someone advocating treating women (or any person for that matter) like pieces of meat that don't deserve to be treated with respect - no matter how stupid or dumb they may be. Especially because it perpetuates and actually promotes sexism.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I didn't say women, I said girls.

Anyway, I can't help that they want to be debased and treated like a pieces of meat. As men/boys, all we can do is oblige them.

[searock]

Or you could decide to NOT treat them like that, so that they would not "want" to be treated like that, because they wouldn't think that it's a good thing to be treated like that (as society tells them since their first steps). Every single one of us should be part of the change (if we want there to be a change at all... I'm thinking it's just easier for some guys to pretend like it's ok and that "they want it").

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You seem to have a grip and carry yourself with dignity. They could do the same if they wanted. Like I said, I had a g/f for 2+ years in college, and I'd never dream of treating her like I described above. Why not?..because she commanded respect and not in a bitchy way or anything, but by being intelligent, focused, and most of all respecting herself enough to know her own worth.

Being a scheezer is a personal choice. Not society's, not your sorority sisters, not frat boys, but your's alone. If you're weak enough to crack to these pressures and accept these things against your own will, then you get what you deserve.

I still say the vast majority of these girls enjoy what they're doing, and they do want it. Sure they'll get all pissy when the guy is all over her sorority sister the next week, but that doesn't stop them getting right back at it.

[anonymous_a]

The fact that you think all sorority girls are stupid, shows your sexism and ignorance. You have to maintain a certain GPA to even be able to stay in a sorority (in Canada, anyways). I plan on joining a sorority when I go back to school, and I am by no means, dumb or stupid. You use the word girls over women to prove a point, yet all you're proving is that you're still a boy, not a man.

OP I would definitely take some of the advice given above. Keep conversations light, simple and FUN. Making a girl laugh is more important than most men realize. Playing games invites a little friendly competition, which in turn can show off your confidence. Be open about certain things, but keep some mystery to you as well. Girls/women love mystery.

[searock]

Being a scheezer is a personal choice. Not society's, not your sorority sisters, not frat boys, but your's alone. If you're weak enough to crack to these pressures and accept these things against your own will, then you get what you deserve.

Hm I'm not sure it's a choice. If it is true as you say that a lot of those girls are dumb, then they don't have the mental capabilities for understanding that their behavior is damaging themselves and women in general (and men too, indirectly). If we lived in a different society in which no young girl was bombarded with sexist propaganda since they are born basically, even the dumbest young women would act differently.

I understand that you only respect the women who you think are intelligent and strong enough to know that it's damaging to act like that, and I see why you would think that it does nobody any harm. But it is actually harmful in the bigger picture. Not all women are intelligent, not all intelligent women are strong: those women deserve respect too. Besides, ALL women get damaged as long as even just a limited group of women get treated like pieces of meat, because it perpetuates sexism.

I still say plenty of these girls enjoy what they're doing and the OP may as well get in on the fun.

Then there is no need to treat them with disrespect, trying to "trick" them into opening their legs. If nsa sex is what they want, it's much easier to just go up to them and ask them "how about we have sex tonight? No strings attached" with a genuine, honest smile. There is absolutely no need to be degrading and disrespectful with PUA bs or "tricks".

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Being able to maintain a 2.0 GPA doesn't mean you're smart. A 3.0 doesn't even mean you're smart. All you have to do to get through college is do your assignments, which were about as difficult as my high school assignments. I went to a school that has 20 programs ranked in the top 20 and some of the dumbest people I've ever met, I met there.

Ignorance is to not know something..how many frat parties have you been to? Sexism, not so much because while I didn't specify in my post, I also think, college boys(especially frat boys) are a stupid lot as well. Ever heard of the literary term hyperbole? Look it up. I'd consider myself a man-boy hybrid. I'm a responsible, productive adult, but I do still like comics, cartoons, Ninja Turtles, what have you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How is what I suggested that he do tricking anyone? I told him to get really drunk and start grabbing. What PUA bs did I suggest? That show was garbage.

As for it not being a choice, it is. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. It really is that simple. I also don't think it is inherently damaging to act like that, if the attention is what you want.

[anonymous_a]

Being able to maintain a 2.0 GPA doesn't mean you're smart. A 3.0 doesn't even mean you're smart. All you have to do to get through college is do your assignments, which were about as difficult as my high school assignments. I went to a school that has 20 programs ranked in the top 20 and some of the dumbest people I've ever met, I met there.

Ignorance is to not know something..how many frat parties have you been to? Sexism, not so much because while I didn't specify in my post, I also think, college boys(especially frat boys) are a stupid lot as well. Ever heard of the literary term hyperbole? Look it up. I'd consider myself a man-boy hybrid. I'm a responsible, productive adult, but I do still like comics, cartoons, Ninja Turtles, what have you.

Everything post you write proves my point further.

[searock]

Sexism, not so much because while I didn't specify in my post, I also think, college boys(especially frat boys) are a stupid lot as well.

This isn't what I was referring to - it's not sexist that you consider college girls to be stupid (it would be sexist to say that "all women are stupid", or that "college girls, but not college boys, are stupid" which you don't believe). It's sexist to treat women, even if only a restricted group of women, as pieces of meat, and to encourage other guys to do the same thing. It's sexist because in our societies both men and women are taught, since a very young age, that it's normal to behave like that. It's normal for women to consider themselves and to be considered like "prizes" that men should aim to win over, using lying and deception if that's what it takes, and that they are in any case entitled to obtain, even if it means crossing basic personal boundaries (i.e. groping, leering, cat-calling and so forth).

There's a huge difference between wanting to have nsa sex just to have fun and have a good time, and wanting to be treated like a piece of meat that is to be lied to and tricked into getting into bed with someone, or anyway to be disrespected and degraded by being objectified and groped as if they weren't a person but a blow-up doll.