Fidelity in question

[A Gui]

Hey everyone I have concerns about my current girlfriend. Not sure if shes cheating,had it with me, or both

A brief (as I can synopsis). Met 6 months ago and hit it off ookay.Didnt ever like the fact that I had a previous marriage, and children that I failed to omit on the first date but told her on the second. So its been rocky ever since ( the issue of me being a "liar") Passion wise it started out incredible and we would routinely make love several times a day/night. I also made it clear what the boundaries of our relationship should be (friends with benefits, together etc.) She caught feelings and so did I eventually, but almost on a daily basis mentions "my wife and kids" negatively. Sometimes it appears shes trying to justify something?

She has a history of cheating (4 times!!) , but said that's when she was young, stupid, and in the past, and would break up before that happens. She also has several male friends (ex's) who she remained in contact with for a while. Due to my constant objections she dropped 2, but maintains one is her best friend and must stay.

This dude is a co worker /boss who she cheated on as well several years ago. He also gives her cash all the time when she needs it, and covers her frequent absences. Everytime I mention him she gets tiffy. Also if he "stops by" I cant be around cause she says he has some sort of social anxiety and is scared of people.

As of recent our passion has died down and she has grown colder. I cant cuddle or even touch her when we go to bed.Shuts down my sexual advances, and is super nasty. I've always suspected her, but shes alway swore it off especially with her co worker/boss. There's been odd periods of her being very nice, and being very cold too, but this time around its been the worst. I treat her good, tell her I love you, and very affectionate and thoughtful. We've had some bad arguments, and both wanted to call it quits at times

Side note. She's also on benzo's and has been off them for a brief time...maybe a week. Could she just be withdrawing ?

This time im ready to swing the axe (figuertivly) if something is up cause im not going to be degraded, and belittled by a cheater.

What does it sound like? I really appreciate any advice at all. Thanks so much

[michelle23]

She is cheating on you and possibly has been from the start with this "best friend". Don't even bother looking for proof. All the signs of cheating are there so just leave. She refuses to sleep with you, is un-affectionate, cold, b**chy, refuses to let you meet this man, secretive etc

Just walk away now.

And if you are gonna be angry with anyone-be angry at yourself. You have known all along that she has a history of cheating but you ignored that major red flag which was stupid. You should never have dated her in the first place. And it was also a big red flag how she reacted to your ex marriage and children. You are better off meeting a divorced woman who also has kids. She will be far more accepting of your past and will welcome your kids into her life when the time comes.

Learn from these mistakes, get over it quickly and move on. Its only been 6 months so its not worth crying about. Thank your lucky starts you didn't waste 6 years on the b**tch. Now either kick her out tonight or leave tonight. One or the other (if you live together). If you dont live together just send her a text saying its over, goodbye

[IslandScorp]

I think you should cut your losses and leave. She might be suffering from some withdrawal but what bothers me is the fact that you can't be around whenever that other guy stops by. Social anxiety - right. Not enough to stay away from her though. She's not responsive to your affection, is hiding something regarding that other guy, and by your own admission is being "super nasty". And she has a rotten track record as far as being faithful is concerned. I don't know why you're hesitating. I'd be running the other way by now.

[A Gui]

I actually met that dude once, and even went out of my way to be polite. Wouldn't look me in the eye and soon went outside to have a talk with my gf. Latter found out that he was mad I was there. He also I found out gets mad when he doesn't hear from her...like huh ?!? If he's just a friend what does it matter.

Recently seen an email stating "jul 24..hey will you be at your desk latter I have an offer you cant refuse, or you shouldn't for any good reason. .."

Red flag in my eyes cause she told me they fooled around in the office before.

Then seen a voice mail text when he says "havint heard from you all weeken is everything allright. ..blah blah..Hey honney is Tuesday latter still good or a latter date"

Haven't thrown this in her face yet, but she keeps telling me im paranoid, and cant stand my interrogation...am I ?? I

[horndog]

Gut feeling tells me she has an "F"buddy in her boss. You are too soon into this relationship to have this much drama. Unless you really think you have something special going on worth working on, I would run and run as fast as I could.

[michelle23]

No you are not paranoid. You are in denial. Its a normal reaction when you are trying to wrap your head around cheating and when she is constantly manipulating you by the telling you that you are the problem and you are paranoid.

Now you know for sure she is playing you like a fiddle so its time to get out of limbo and start a new chapter in your life. It is a waste of time even confronting her about this coz she will never admit it or apologize. Even if you wave proof in front of her or literally catch her in the act-she will turn the blame on you "your not a good bf, your too controlling, your not good in bed, you don't pay me enough attention, you smother me" or whatever other bullshit excuse she comes up with to make you feel sorry for her and so she can act like an innocent victim.

Shes probably a narcissistic self entitled b**ch and she is obviously a serial cheat. Just walk away. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. Even if you were all of those above things (which Im sure your not) it still doesn't justify her cheating and constant lies.

None of this is your fault so dont blame yourself. Just get the toxic cunt out of your life now so you can meet an honest woman

[anonymous_a]

Whether or not she is actually cheating on you, I would still get out of there. All her actions point to "cheater" and she has wayyy too many red flags! The fact that her behavior towards you has changed all of a sudden is also a red flag. Just get out before it's too late. Don't get invested anymore than you already are. Another thing that bothers me is how cold she is to the fact that you an ex wife and kids. Ex wife maybe, kids? No. She clearly is not meant for your wonderful family. Move on.

[RedWingInCo]

I would simply ask one question - is this someone you can see yourself being married to? Sex is not intimacy, passion comes and goes in most relationships, but commitment is the strand that binds two hearts together. Do you believe that she is committed to you? Are you committed to her? Is what you share together strong enough to build a lasting relationship? Just thinking out-loud...

[4 ratties]

Break up with her. You're wasting your time

[j-white]

Even if she isn't cheating what's the point? It's been only 6months and the passion is gone, you argue a lot.

There's nothing to think about there, find a nicer woman.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

A gui, you are a complete bitch. I think you should just stay with her and let her continue to shit on you.

[basilandthyme]

My thoughts are like j-white's: Even if she's not cheating, the relationship has already turned to crap after only 6 months. It's time to move on.

[Wakeup]

SIX measly MONTHS.
She's CHEATED 4 TIMES.
She's still in contact with A PAST LOVER AND STILL WORKS WITH HIM.
She calls YOU a liar (that's lol worthy)
YOU can't trust her. (for good reason)
YOU have children and I think you'd be a fool to have them around her.

Maybe you ought to tell us the rest of the bad things and then maybe see if there is ANYTHING (other then sex) that keeps you coming back for more of her kind of crazy.

[Ginger2013]

If she's refusing intimacy, no matter the reason, it won't last much longer will it? I'm the type who needs affection, intimacy and sex regularly when I'm in a relationship, if my bf would suddenly turn those off, why am I staying?

[A Gui]

Update: First off I agree with 99% of this, but she got her"meds" today and it was like she got zapped in the ass with lighting and did a total 180°...She bought me stuff to eat, literally fed me in bed, and screwed my brains out...im leaning towards withdrawl, but im still gonna chop it loose when this kind streak ends, or the great sex stops lol