my boyfriend says i lied to him

[mcmarsha67]

I have these two cats that my boyfriend is highly allergic to...can't even come over my house. Well, my one cat of 14 years that i love dearly had peed in a few places in my house before I had even met my bf. I had to replace some flooring at a great expense and effort. He did some of the work. At the time it happened, I was stupid enough to have 4 cats and this one cat had obvious issues with all those cats. Fast forward to now with just the two cats...my cat (same one) peed on my new leather sofa. I was so mad that I intended to put her down for it. I made the appointment but because it was so far off, I cancelled. I had second thoughts and could not have her killed. Well, I kept her in the garage after that. She was only let out of the garage and into the house while I was there to watch her. I told my boyfriend that I was going to have her put to sleep if she EVER peed in the house again. Well, the other day, I ran to the grocery (I hadn't put her in the garage before I left) for 1 hour and when I came back I found poop by the front door and pee on my couch again. I told him about it. I told him that if I could've had her put to sleep immediately upon discovering it that I would've, but because I have to wait for days to get in to have it done that I have a change of heart...weak because I love her. Well, he says that I lied to him because I had told him that I was going to put her down if it happened again and now I am saying that I am not doing it. It is hard for me to put an animal down that is not sick. Did I lie or just have a change of heart because I am weak? He does not, btw, live with me. We both have our own houses. I drive to his house every weekend...he is good with that arrangement. I would love for him to come to my house, but as I said he is allergic to my cats.

[michelle23]

If u want a proper relationhip with this guy then the cats have to go. Hes allergic to them. Either break up now or sell the cats. I know its not that simple. I have a dog and i love her and i wouldnt put her down but if you want a future with him your gonna have to choose. Personally id choose the dog if it was a new man but if your together a long time and want a future-probably choose him

[pcmaster]

You are one crazy cat woman. You mentioned cate pee 10 times more than your BF. You like cats but at the same time thinking about putting them down just because of pee - what kind of love is that? Looks like you been too lonely for too long. If I were your cat I would do the same

poop by the front door and pee on my couch again

lol. Jesus Christ its not about your relationship with boyfriend its about your relationship with cats.I suggest you get only one cat - the one with no fur, or find a healty BF without alergy who will love your cats as much as you. Anyway I dont see problem here as long as you can hang out at his house he shouldnt care you have 1 or milion cats cause he dont visit your home anyway.

You remind me this girl

(I would date her if she wouldnt be so much into running)

[Millie]

So you're basically going to kill the cat... for being a cat? Honest to God some people just never fail to amaze me. House-training a cat is not hard, closing doors so that they cannot get into certain rooms is not hard, perhaps we should have you put down for being a terrible pet owner.

[Valixy]

If you're unable to train your cats properly and they become a stress for you and your relationship, you should find them some good owners that wouldn't threaten with killing them because they pee in the house or close them in the garage. There are nice people who might have a little garden, or just some kind of outdoor access or would simply be able to train them better than you did and look well after them. Start talking about this with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbours. Someone will be willing to take them or introduce you to someone they know. There is always a solution. Don't give up until you find them the right owners. They deserve so much from you and you would feel much better doing the right thing.

[smackie9]

What are you going to do when he wants you two to live together? To him right now those cats are a barrier and I know he isn't going to wait on you much longer to make a decision. It is frustrating the hell out of him.

I'm a cat lover and I would never date someone who hates cats or is allergic to them. They are a part of me and my lifestyle. This would be a key component when looking at compatibility. Just going over to his place all the time isn't really accommodating him. It's making him feel he is competing for you with those cats. So it's come to a point where it's him or those cats. You better make a decision soon or he will make it for you and end the relationship.

[smackie9]

We all know when a cat pees or poops in the wrong place it's their way of telling you something is wrong, like they don't like that particular brand of litter, they don't like where the box is located, the litter pan is old and holds odors, litter box needs to be cleaned out more often, or they have something wrong with their urinary tract or other health problem. Your cat IS trying to tell you something, so I suggest you do more investigating.

[smackie9]

If u want a proper relationhip with this guy then the cats have to go. Hes allergic to them. Either break up now or sell the cats. I know its not that simple. I have a dog and i love her and i wouldnt put her down but if you want a future with him your gonna have to choose. Personally id choose the dog if it was a new man but if your together a long time and want a future-probably choose him

I would choose my cat, I can find another man.

[dem862]

Being a pet owner requires responsibility. You don't just kill the pet just because it becomes inconvenient. If you are too irresponsible or too stupid to own an animal, you shouldn't own one. It's that simple. People like you make me wish there was a license required to own a pet. What you are doing is animal cruelty. I can't imagine your pets get any kind of love, affection or attention. You are probably the same kind of human partner. Do this man a favor and break up with him. Then get yourself sterilized so, god forbid, you are never a caretaker for a helpless human baby.

[Starnique]

That's disgusting that the cat is pissing all over the place. Yuck. I've always thoughts cats was sneaky and bitchy. However, I think you can't handle the responsibility. My aunt has a cat and one night when she came home the cat had messed in her plants. Not use the bathroom but dug all in them and messed them up basically. My aunt scorned the cat so good but not in an abusive way. This was years ago and the cat won't even step foot in her livingroom anymore lol. But some cats are devious imo. I would never own one. Anyway, putting it to sleep is not the answer. I don't like animals but I would never put them to sleep for pissing. You should give them to animal shelter or another family and be happy in your relationship. Its not really choosing the man over the cat. Your cat is getting on your nerves and thats reason enough.

[smackie9]

BTW you can buy a shampoo that will knock down the cat dander and he will be able to handle the cat without getting a reaction. After washing the cats, clean your house from top to bottom with a vacuum that uses a hepa filter. Then before he comes over make him take a Reactine.

[mcmarsha67]

Do you people really want me to write a frigin' book about everything that I have tried to do to stop this cat from having this behavior? Do you not think that I have not tried everything? It can be as simple as other cats or skunks or foxes walking around the perimeter of the home that causes her to be territorial and do all this peeing around the house? She has territorial issues which is why the behavior started after multple cats joined our home (some of which were being fostered while waiting to be rehomed). I did not know that behavior was going I to trigger something in her. It didn't in the other cats. Hind site is 20/20. Once that happens then there is little control over that. She has a comfortable 2 car garage for her when I am right there with her. It is much bigger than a crate with kitty beds and towers. The other cat goes out there with her when she is there. They are not lonely. They mostly sleep because they are older. They were used to the garage before that happened because their cat pans (yes, plural), one of which is self cleaning so it is always clean and I frequently clean the other one. They can not go outside because of other predators AND they came to me without front claws. I have lost thousands of dollars replacing subfloors and laminate floors and couches, so for those of you that would rather assume the worst about a person, maybe it would be helpful to just assume that that is not the case. I played around a little with the idea of rehoming her, but once you are honest and mention that she has a territorial marking issue, they want no part of it. If I didn't mention it, then she would simply be put down once they discover it. My question is about if I lied to my boyfriend. When I confronted him about his lying, he tried to turn it around on me and say that I had lied to him and this is what he came up with. I never said I was putting her down for him (which would still leave me with another cat anyways). I told him while I was angry about her behavior that I just couldn't take it any more...I couldn't take the work and expense and stress any more. I was beyond frustrated at this point. i told him that i did not lie, but had a change of heart. He says he doesn't want me to have her put to sleep for him. He just says that if I say I am going to do something and then I don't that it is a form of a lie. I do not see it that way. I really do not know what I can do that I am not already doing or haven't already done. Btw, animal shelters put animals to sleep and no kill ones by me will not take a 14 year old cat. Please everyone, stick to the question at hand. Did I or did I not lie to my boyfriend? If so, is it an acceptable lie? Or was it simply a cha he of heart? Are all changes of heart considered lies? Is he may e just doing the old...the best defense is a good offense?

[Starnique]

First of all, chill the hell out.

No you didn't lie and it doesn't take a genius to know this. You became weak and couldn't part with your animal that you had for 14 years. I have several people in my fam who had cats and I believe you when you say they're territorial. Cats can be jealous and mischievous and thats why I don't like them. Imo, he's being insensitive. Your bf is. If you're explaining to him why you couldn't go thru with it and he knows how long you've had the puss then he's insensitive and he's not getting it because he doesn't want to get it. He's thinking only of himself at this point. I can't recall if you said you all stay together but if not just go visit him or get rid of the cats. It's simple as that. It's not simple decision wise but that's your scenario. If you and him get married or live together, you're going to have to get rid of the cats. You don't got a room you can put them in until then? Is your bf a part of your future? If so just plan on getting rid of the cats because that's what it comes down to which might be beneficial to you also because it don't seem like you want to be bothered with tbem at this point either. You'll be happy with just you and your bf and no cats.

[michelle23]

Most animals are territorial. My beautiful boxer who is house trained peed beside our new dogs bowel once and they fought over food. Now shes old and cant control her bladder anymore and leaks a little nearly every time dhe stands up. My mum walks around after her with a mop 5times a day and we all say "aw poor misty is getting old"

my other pet sleeps in the kitchen and sometimes goes to the toilet at night. Its an inconvience and i wash the floors 5times a week but id never say "im putting her down" thats extreme. She has also eaten our skirting boards which we had to replace and leaves hairs every where which we have to clean up as well as hides food everywhere that i find behind chairs and curtains going mouldy and she hides toys all over the garden. She has also destroyed our flower pots lol and she chases her tail for about two hours everyday, crys and whines for no reason and barks if me and my bf hug, playfight or if anyone raises their voice. Again i have never threatened to put her down. She does get a tap on the nose though if i catch her near the skirting boards or if she pees in the house while im there with her. I hate hitting her but its v rare and its literally just a tip on the nose. Other than that, shes extremely affectionate, loyal, obedient and lovable

anyway no i dont think it was a lie but i do think yyou need to break up. Find a cat lover

[HeartIsAching]

Fast forward to now with just the two cats...my cat (same one) peed on my new leather sofa. I was so mad that I intended to put her down for it. I made the appointment but because it was so far off, I cancelled. I had second thoughts and could not have her killed. Well, I kept her in the garage after that. She was only let out of the garage and into the house while I was there to watch her. I told my boyfriend that I was going to have her put to sleep if she EVER peed in the house again. Well, the other day, I ran to the grocery (I hadn't put her in the garage before I left) for 1 hour and when I came back I found poop by the front door and pee on my couch again. I told him about it. I told him that if I could've had her put to sleep immediately upon discovering it that I would've, but because I have to wait for days to get in to have it done that I have a change of heart...weak because I love her. Well, he says that I lied to him because I had told him that I was going to put her down if it happened again and now I am saying that I am not doing it. It is hard for me to put an animal down that is not sick. Did I lie or just have a change of heart because I am weak? He does not, btw, live with me. We both have our own houses. I drive to his house every weekend...he is good with that arrangement. I would love for him to come to my house, but as I said he is allergic to my cats.

A pet is not a freaking fashion accessory that you have killed because you're unhappy with it. It's a responsibility, a member of your household that you've taken on. I'm glad you couldn't do it, but kind of horrified that you could consider it. Oooohh... a new leather couch. It's a POSSESSION, not a living thing.

Guess what? Your cat is pissing and shitting on things that it knows you like, because it's ANGRY with you - probably for being left in the garage... and probably initially because of personality conflicts with the other cats you had, and lets not forget that it undoubtedly knows your boyfriend doesn't like it. Having a cat is like having a small fuzzy child that will never go off to college.

The notion that your boyfriend is angry at you and calling you a liar because you won't murder your pet tells me all sorts of things about him. If you insist on keeping him, get him some Allegra-D and tell him to STFU.