A fairly normal question and a fairly odd one.

[Anonymousdude]

I'm primarily looking for looks when it comes to girls. I'm single and I've never had a girlfriend. The people I've had a crush on has always primarily been for looks. I have friends with great personalities but I just can't imagine myself being with them. I feel a bit bad in a sense. I hate the thought of girls needing to look good to fit in. That sucks but on the other hand I'm only attracted to those who look good? I feel hypocritical.

Something else that's heavily bothering me. I have this "celebrity crush" I suppose. I really like Chloe Moretz and I don't even know her. This wouldn't have been a problem unless it wasn't for the fact that I've felt this way for over a year now and I've noticed I try to compare people to her. I don't know her or her personality so that obviously is a very loose end but in the end I always go back to her.

Is this natural? A phase? I do like Chloe but surely that is only temporary? I'm not "fanboying" as if she was a member of the equivalent to 1D and for me that in a sense makes it more genuine.

(By the way I'm 16 so I'm not a pedophile who get off on teens...)

And sorry for the cluster**** that is to be called my question because it's a very incoherent one if I may say so myself.

[michelle23]

Do you imagine what it would be like if you and Chloe were a real couple? Are you emotionally attached? If yes, it is similar to an emotional affair. You are in love with a fantasy that will never become reality and the only way to get over it is to not allow yourself to think of her. It takes time.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/my-books/the-dreamer-and-the-fantasy-relationship-a-reality-check-for-women-who-love-virtual-and-illusion-filled-relationships/

There is nothing wrong with wanting a girl you are attracted to but you should care about her personality and what type of person she is too. Do you watch a lot of porn? if yes, maybe you should stop. Sometimes it can make men objectify women and if looks and sex are the only things that matter to you-then you may need to stop

[pcmaster]

I dont think its just your age why you are putting so much importance on looks. When people get older they realise more that looks is just a shell and what matters more is brains and heart. Some guys just are like that - they think the looks is most importand in a girl. They ussualy end up with good looking girls - whatever works for them. After few years you will learn that its possible to have a feelings for "nice" looking girls too. They might be unnoticable from begining but when you get to know them better. Its the heart that attracts the most. And Michelle have point too. If you watch porn and stop after few months you will start like all kind of girls - tall, short, fat, skinny. As more sexual energy you save up as easier is to fall in love, as more beautiful they become in your eyes. You will start to like them all.

[Anonymousdude]

Whilst I can't disagree with what you're saying - it's hard to forget it. The problem is that it's been over a year and it's still not gone. When watching interviews or her twitter it does seem like it's a more personal approach in the sense that I know more of how she ACTUALLY is but it's undeniably a fantasy that's never going to happen. But even so I try comparing those I feel interested in with her because if I were to get into a relationship and I felt that the significant other wasn't holding up to the comparison I might not be as commited as I should and I don't think this theoretical person would deserve such treatment. Therefore, following the comparison rule I would never be in a relationship where I don't wholeheartedly commit myself to it.

As for the looks thing, of course the personality part plays into it significantly but let's say I met someone who had an awesome personality but didn't look to good in my opinion (for example I do not feel attracted to obese people) then I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with that person. I don't objectify women and I'm a strong supporter of equal rights, I definitely see why you would make the original statement but my feminist mother has raised me to be aware of discrimination (hence I'm a humanist).

I can't buy the book but thanks for your input, if you have any more I would gladly like to hear it. To hear other peoples input helps to deal with it.

[anonymous_a]

It's not out of the ordinary to look for someone who attracts you physically. I'm the same way. I notice looks, and that's why I give them a chance to show their personality. The sweetest person in the world would not attract me if they weren't good looking. Obviously a personality matters too, but its people's looks that initially draws you in, and it's their personality that either keeps you, or drives you away. As for Chloe.. that's kind of weird lol. She's a celeb and you will not ever be with her. It probably is a phase based on your age, but it is still unhealthy to compare people to someone you don't even know.

[michelle23]

Whilst I can't disagree with what you're saying - it's hard to forget it. The problem is that it's been over a year and it's still not gone. When watching interviews or her twitter it does seem like it's a more personal approach in the sense that I know more of how she ACTUALLY is but it's undeniably a fantasy that's never going to happen. But even so I try comparing those I feel interested in with her because if I were to get into a relationship and I felt that the significant other wasn't holding up to the comparison I might not be as commited as I should and I don't think this theoretical person would deserve such treatment. Therefore, following the comparison rule I would never be in a relationship where I don't wholeheartedly commit myself to it.

Its similar to an emotional affair. You have created this fantasy of her in your head and molded her into your perfect girl but if you actually went out with her, shed be much different in real life to what she is in your head. Lots of people get caught up in this daydream. Its infatuation. You just need to focus on the bad things about her and if you cant think of anything-make some stuff up and convince yourself shes awful

As for the looks thing, of course the personality part plays into it significantly but let's say I met someone who had an awesome personality but didn't look to good in my opinion (for example I do not feel attracted to obese people) then I can't imagine myself being in a relationship with that person. I don't objectify women and I'm a strong supporter of equal rights, I definitely see why you would make the original statement but my feminist mother has raised me to be aware of discrimination (hence I'm a humanist).

Theres nothing wrong with that. Everyone has a type and physical attraction is important in a relationship. As long as you like a girl for her looks and her personality-its great and the way it should be

I can't buy the book but thanks for your input, if you have any more I would gladly like to hear it. To hear other peoples input helps to deal with it.

You don't need to buy any books. Just look things up on google "how to get over my crush", "how to stop daydreaming about a celeb" etc

[Anonymousdude]

It's not out of the ordinary to look for someone who attracts you physically. I'm the same way. I notice looks, and that's why I give them a chance to show their personality. The sweetest person in the world would not attract me if they weren't good looking. Obviously a personality matters too, but its people's looks that initially draws you in, and it's their personality that either keeps you, or drives you away. As for Chloe.. that's kind of weird lol. She's a celeb and you will not ever be with her. It probably is a phase based on your age, but it is still unhealthy to compare people to someone you don't even know.

Thanks, so it's odd that I like a celebrity? :S Well, I'll just wait and hope I feel different in the future.

I don't think it's wrong that I compare people because I'm obviously not going to confront them telling them who I compare them with. If I compare then I know I'll never be in a relationship where I don't have any second thoughts. After all no one deserves someone who isn't purely commited to the relationship.

[Anonymousdude]

I'll try but the Chloe thing will probably fade away in time, not by personal effort. In a sense I don't want to stop liking her but I understand that might not be the best alternative. Thanks for the answers by the way, you're being very helpful.

[michelle23]

If you are looking her up on youtube all the time or pictures of her etc then it wont "fade in time". Its the same thing as a breakup. You need to go no contact which means erasing her from your life completely. Its not weird to find a celebrity attractive and think about them occasionally but obsessing like this is unhealthy and you are basically comparing these other girls to a fantasy coz chloe is not real. You don't know her. Plus she is airbrushed and covered in fakeness from head to toe and looks perfect. Real girls in real life have flaws such as a pimple or a freckle or a little extra weight on her belly (most women have this). Your in love with a delusion and its not fair to compare other girls tp her who are more beautiful because they look how women are supposed to look and dont spend 4 hours in hair and makeup before making a public appearance. That is the difference

[anonymous_a]

Thanks, so it's odd that I like a celebrity? :S Well, I'll just wait and hope I feel different in the future.

I don't think it's wrong that I compare people because I'm obviously not going to confront them telling them who I compare them with. If I compare then I know I'll never be in a relationship where I don't have any second thoughts. After all no one deserves someone who isn't purely commited to the relationship.

I wouldn't say it's odd that you LIKE a celebrity. I like Johnny Depp and Robert Downy Jr. but do I look for people who remind me of them? No. Do I compare people to them? No.

I'm not saying comparing people to each other is bad, but comparing someone you meet in person, to someone you've never met, that's not healthy. It is going to give unrealistic expectations. Not to mention that you don't even know Chloe in real life. For all you know, she's a huge bitch and a terrible person lol. Not that that's relevant, but you can't really compare someone to someone that you don't even know.

[Anonymousdude]

If you are looking her up on youtube all the time or pictures of her etc then it wont "fade in time". Its the same thing as a breakup. You need to go no contact which means erasing her from your life completely. Its not weird to find a celebrity attractive and think about them occasionally but obsessing like this is unhealthy and you are basically comparing these other girls to a fantasy coz chloe is not real. You don't know her. Plus she is airbrushed and covered in fakeness from head to toe and looks perfect. Real girls in real life have flaws such as a pimple or a freckle or a little extra weight on her belly (most women have this). Your in love with a delusion and its not fair to compare other girls tp her who are more beautiful because they look how women are supposed to look and dont spend 4 hours in hair and makeup before making a public appearance. That is the difference

*sigh* :/ I completely understand what you're saying but talking theoretically - isn't it better that I do compare until I get over this? If I do compare I wont get myself involved in something that will hurt me but primarily the other person in the relationship.

I've known this before, that people who you don't know are created like a fantasy in your head. Therefore I thought of all negatives things I could about her and I just couldn't imagine her being a bad person. Different to what I currently think most probably but not someone I'd despise. I'm also aware of how people are enhanced on posters and movies and I'm also aware of this. I've taken all these things into consideration but it doesn't do the trick.

It's just hard to instantly think that it needs to go away because I can't honestly say that it's been all that bad. I know it's never going to happen and I'm aware of that but thinking of it makes me happy in a way. Something I can think of when I'm feeling down and it makes me happier. I never planned to be with any significant other until I met one that interested me, even if it'll take until I'm 30 or even more. If I wait I might find that one that holds water with the comparison and then I'll know it's genuine.

Or am I once again thinking wrong?

[smackie9]

It's totally normal at your age to go by looks...you are still mentally growing and you won't really won't appreciate personality until you become an adult. You have no real experience so stop trying to figure all this out. One day you will find yourself in a relationship and you will start learning from that experience. Just carry on with your fantasy, and your search for a GF......it will happen when you least expect it.....my advice to you is to keep an open mind.

[Anonymousdude]

That answer kind of relaxes me but the other ones makes me feel as if what I'm feeling and doing is wrong. :S Now I'm confused.

[Ginger2013]

I had a "celebrity crush" on a man who is a local talk show host in Canada. I imagined living with him, talking to him, sex, relationship, even fights and making up. I watched his show religiously and followed all of his social media pages...it was ridiculous. I realized it was such a pipe dream and that no man would ever compare to him because in my reality, that type of man didn't really exist. He was on t.v., that's all. The only way I got out of that crush was to stop watching his show and cut off all the one-sided contact with him - sounds so silly when I write it, but it's true.

And I've always said, I can't kiss a guy I'm not physically attracted to. But attraction is so subjective, what's gorgeous to me won't be to someone else. Pretty girls can have good personalities too right?

[smackie9]

I had a "celebrity crush" on a man who is a local talk show host in Canada. I imagined living with him, talking to him, sex, relationship, even fights and making up. I watched his show religiously and followed all of his social media pages...it was ridiculous. I realized it was such a pipe dream and that no man would ever compare to him because in my reality, that type of man didn't really exist. He was on t.v., that's all. The only way I got out of that crush was to stop watching his show and cut off all the one-sided contact with him - sounds so silly when I write it, but it's true.

And I've always said, I can't kiss a guy I'm not physically attracted to. But attraction is so subjective, what's gorgeous to me won't be to someone else. Pretty girls can have good personalities too right?

George Stroumboulopoulos by any chance?