My girlfriend kissed another guy...

[jdd]

...she just broke down when I walked through the door and told me she'd kissed another guy earlier that day!

Honesty (integrity) is a highly undervalued trait.

Forgive and forget. It's nothing.

Everyone screws up now and then in one way or another.

If she is honest with you will that can be the difference between being able to communicate and keep your relationship going (and being happy) vs being a bitter divorce statistic.

Apologize and beg forgiveness for your drastic over-reaction. Tread lightly and don't underestimate the damage you may have done...

She HAS to feel safe talking to you about anything, if you can't make her feel safe, you mind as well end it now.

[michelle23]

I would walk away and keep walking. I don't believe her. All that crap she wrote on FB are just words. Actions speak louder. Its not like she had been drugged and didn't know what she was doing. She was completely sober, she met up with this guy alone (who she likely had feelings for in the past and probably still does) and she kissed him. Shes not an innocent victim so don't allow her to make herself out to be one. Its good that she was honest and told you that they kissed-at least you know you can trust her to be honest with you but can you trust her around any male friends again? No! Will you be paranoid every time she goes anywhere without you in the future? Yes..

Just block her on FB and move on. Cheating is cheating. Some people say "its just a kiss, could be worse" but I think it all hurts the same. Whether its emotional cheating, cyber cheating, just a kiss, a bj, full sex, prostitutes-whatever. It all hurts equally and once the trust is broken-its impossible IMO to get it back again.

[horndog]

I would ignore all the militant crap advice to dump her and just step back and take a good look at your relationship and decide if you value the relationship enough to move forward with her and give her a second chance. If not then you know what you need to do. It really is that simple. She sounds sincere.

[fraser]

Well I've had plenty of guys try and make a pass at me.....it takes nothing to jerk back and say no, so IMO there is more to it than what she is telling you, unless she was totally intoxicated.

I know it takes nothing - I've been through it in my head but I can't find an anwser of why, I wish I could - then I could fix it! She hadn't been drinking...I dunno...her sister thinks (or she told my brother) that it's just a case of Two young people and some strong emotions due to the circumstances...I don't really like that anwser cause there's nothing I can do to fix that!

[fraser]

Honesty (integrity) is a highly undervalued trait.
If she is honest with you will that can be the difference between being able to communicate and keep your relationship going (and being happy) vs being a bitter divorce statistic.

I totally agree!

Apologize and beg forgiveness for your drastic over-reaction. Tread lightly and don't underestimate the damage you may have done...
She HAS to feel safe talking to you about anything, if you can't make her feel safe, you mind as well end it now.

I totally agree that it's important she can tell me anything, she can, and if she hadn't of told me about this then there's no way we could of moved forward, so I'm glad she did...but at the same time I'm angry - id nvpever hurt her like that, I trusted her completely and utterly and now she's put doubts in my head and I'm mad at her for that.
Surely that works both ways? I can't just bury it away and pretend it doesn't hurt me, it will just bubble away under the surface, we have to have it out in order to deal with it - thats what I'm trying to do...like I say I'm not out to play tit for tat or cause her pain in anyway.

[Stickleback]

Everybody falls from time to time, everyone makes mistakes. Make no bones about it, this is a pretty big mistake, and you'd be well within your rights to walk away over this, especially if this is something that you are going to find hard to forget.

But... Everyone deserves a second chance and everyone deserves a shot at redemption. If she is sincere about making a go of things, and you can forgive her, and, most importantly, you can let what she's done go and not use it as a stick to beat her with next time you get into an argument, then you should not let a stupid mistake stand in the way of a good relationship.

[fraser]

I would walk away and keep walking. I don't believe her. All that crap she wrote on FB are just words. Actions speak louder. Its not like she had been drugged and didn't know what she was doing. She was completely sober, she met up with this guy alone (who she likely had feelings for in the past and probably still does) and she kissed him. Shes not an innocent victim so don't allow her to make herself out to be one.

I know I know. I do believe that she doesn't care I him 1) because she's a god awful lier - seriously she can't play cludo let alone poker and 2) because she didn't want to go, and even then she wanted me to go to - but I had training, (hell I told her to go, told her I'd come by after I was done at the pool and we'd go out - clearly I wish I hadn't now!) ...sating that I don't trust him and I don't know what he's playing at - turning the conversation on to me then kissing her and then telling her of to tell me - I don't trust him one bit, but he's not important I don't need to trust him, the only person I need to trust is her.
but to be honest I don't know wether her not having feelings for I'm makes I any better whatsoever.

Its good that she was honest and told you that they kissed-at least you know you can trust her to be honest with you but can you trust her around any male friends again? No! Will you be paranoid every time she goes anywhere without you in the future? Yes..

Well this is exacly what I'm saying I'm not going to play the jealous boyfriend who doesn't trust his girl, I don't need her to be tellin m who and where she is that's not the kind of relationship I want - if we're going to try again then we've got to do it properly, I've got to do it properly, I know that I have to trust her put it in the past and mov on!

Just block her on FB and move on. Cheating is cheating. Some people say "its just a kiss, could be worse" but I think it all hurts the same. Whether its emotional cheating, cyber cheating, just a kiss, a bj, full sex, prostitutes-whatever. It all hurts equally and once the trust is broken-its impossible IMO to get it back again.

I get that but those consequences don't just affect her, they affect us both, I lose too - that turns my life on its head, i lose the love of my life -for an affair yes, for sleeping with him no question, for a five second kiss which she told me about within 2 hours - I dunno, I dunno if the fall out fits the crime, like I say I'm not looking to punish her I'm just trying to be happy.

[fraser]

If she is sincere about making a go of things

Ah she totally is. she wants us to take off for a few days in her folks camper van to sort stuff out...dunno, maybe we should!

and you can forgive her, and, most importantly, you can let what she's done go and not use it as a stick to beat her with next time you get into an argument,

That is exactly what I don't want, if we move past this we need to do so properly and completely.

[michelle23]

You just answered your own QS. You want to be with her, you want to forgive her so go ahead, go away for a few days and try to sort it out.

[fraser]

You just answered your own QS. You want to be with her, you want to forgive her

I do, I totally do, i love her, she was the girl I wanted to call my wife...I just don't even know where to start, I like part of me doesn't want her to metion it again and then the other part doesn't want her to act like everything's normal whch is no way fair on her cause it's a catch 22 she can't win, I don't mean t be like that, I just...I'm rambling is what im doing, lol sorry, I'm just hurt, but I still love her

[michelle23]

You do need to talk about it. Tell her you love her and you don't want to break up over this but you are struggling to understand why she didn't pull away or say no. Ask her to help you understand and then tell her straight how hurt you are and you cant be in a relationship unless there is 100% trust and one chance is all she is getting. You can forgive a once off 5 second kiss but if anything happens ever again-you and she are over. Say thank you to her for being honest with you-tell her that means a lot that she didn't try to cover it up or lie and that shows that she does have integrity and you should respect her for that much at least.

And ask her to promise you that no matter what happens, you and she will always be honest with each other.

Its important not to get bitter and twisted over this in the long run. No matter what happens-this does not give you a free pass to kiss someone else. Two wrongs dont make it right so even if you and she have a big fight in 6 months time and you go out and get drunk and some hot chick tries to kiss you-your not allowed to think "well she kissed someone so I can too". If your gonna go and do something like that in 6 months or 6 years etc then you may as well just break up now

[smackie9]

You can't fix what happened....shit happens because life happens. I'm not telling you to dump her or stay, that is up to you, but I feel there is a lot of denial on her end, and SHE has things to sort out. She needs to accept full responsability for what happened, and the events that let up to it.....like I said she ian't telling you everything to protect herself.

[afroman]

I would say accept her back, but keep a distance. Everyone makes mistakes, I think we've all been there where we have mixed emotions for someone else while we're dating someone. It's a natural thing, but it's important to know how to have self-control and recognize that if those thoughts turn to actions, they have the capability of hurting someone you hold dear to you severely.

With that being said, I think your girlfriend (or ex?) realized this. She seems deeply sorry. Give it another shot, what's there to lose? If she slips up again, see ya later!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She admitted to a kiss. Truth is, she probably ****ed him. Whatever decision you make, you should make it as if she admitted to having sex with him.

People do this all the time. **** someone then admit to a kiss to alleviate the guilt.

[Anonymously_]

She admitted to a kiss. Truth is, she probably ****ed him. Whatever decision you make, you should make it as if she admitted to having sex with him.

People do this all the time. **** someone then admit to a kiss to alleviate the guilt.

I know you're probably trolling but just for arguments sake lets assume you are serious.

That points to your own insecurity and paranoia more than anything.