Partner of 8 months, at times makes me cry, I feel like I am too sensitive at times?

[wispa]

Hi there

I am wondering if anyone else has gone through this in a relationship because I am desperately trying to justify my emotions at times and justify my reasons for reacting in certain ways.

I have been seeing this guy (aged 37) for 8 months, I am 38 and I currently own my own place, he doesnt, because he has been studying to be a doctor for a long while and now has a job as a doctor earning good money. We have been discussing moving house together as my pad is up for sale and buying together.

Where I work use to be in London when we first got together, but now it has relocated to where I am currently living. We have put in an offer for a house nearer London but now I feel its not worth the money, I wouldnt be gaining, whereas he would and also as I work for myself as well, alot of my clients wouldnt be willing to relocate either or travel to see me.

So I have asked my partner to possibly reconsider looking elsewhere say midway between, he says he will yes but he will hate living here because her is nowhere near his family, his friends or anything for that matter. (however he never sees his friends, doesnt want to do anything out side of work as he works long hours and sees his family when he wants!). He says he is sick of not having a normal relationship where it should be nice, holidays and relaxed but as I own my house where I am, he doesnt have his own house, we have a dispute with neighbours upstairs for their noise, its not that easy at times as I feel I have to sort everything out.

The problem I have is that, Its making me stressed, so I started to get upset as we have looked at places over 4 months now, when I was upset last night, I started crying and he says "dont start doing all that crying, that wont make matters better!" (and starts imitating my crying!) to which he calls me selfish, says I will never leave my family nearby and he has felt he has had to compromise all the way through as he has to drive an hour to his work. I can understand his point, but what I am starting to worry about is how many times he can make me cry.....is this normal or is it me?

I earn more than him and he doesnt complain when I take him out for dinner, buy him dinner every now and again and he says, its equal rights so thats the way it should be. He does pay for me too, but mentioned this month he doesnt have much money.

He says, he just wants an easy life, wants to have things organised so he can complete his course and pass in 2 years to be able to work as a GP. I have just recently had to organise him because he forgot to send in an important form which has made him fail one of his exams, that made him upset but because he didnt have a scanner to do it and mine didnt work its like I feel part of is because he relies on me to get things done. I clean my flat, I help with food as well as pay all the bills and the mortgage he does give me money for staying here too.

As he works long hours, travels 1 hour away, I can work from home, have clients most days at my house and work locally too, I really love my working life but I feel i have to give up this to move further with him....Maybe I am starting to think, do I really want to live with him, our backgrounds are so different, he is a city London boy I am village family girl. He says he doesnt want to live where I currently am as the people are scum and not his type of people he wants to associate with or be friends with. This is more the city near me about 20mins away.

My other worry is he makes me cry alot, and its normally because of his harsh comments back to me if I am worrying, upset or anxious but its becoming a recurring thing. We have horrible neighbours above my flat too and I am in the process of evicting them. I get panic attacks because of this and my parents have been great saying we can stay at theirs when they start to make too much noise. So when the noise happened again at the weekend just gone, I say to him ok lets head to the parents, instead of saying yes lets do that (as they are going in 2 months time) he gets irate, upset and angry at me, saying we better leave at 9am because I have work to do the next morning and its getting all too ridiculous and you are getting too emotional about your flat now I am glad you have sorted it....(which again makes me upset!) its like I get no sympathy/loving/understanding on how things effect me.....I said if its that bad, just move back with your parents if its so awful here, but he doesnt.

We did stay over at the parents that night, but weirdly admits to enjoying my parents company and he never did any work the next morning. Again that night I am left feeling deflated, angry and upset.

So, I just want to feel stable and comfortable I feel nervous, upset and unstable around him because of the way he talks to me, I worry that I am being taken for a ride here and my mum says I am too soft with him...but I have tried toughening up, only for him to throw it back to me, then I get upset again.

He has said he will stop making me cry which he did, then the house situation came up yesterday and told me to grow up, to leave behind my parents and start leading a life with him without my family, but they are good people and I like living around here and it was when I said this getting upset, he starts ripping into me, imitating me crying and getting angry.

Its like permanent pmt at times when these situations happen...I am beginning to think am I better off buying on my own, which I feel is a better option for me.

any thoughts?
thank you for reading such a long post x

[michelle23]

With all these issues, you would be mad to sell your home to be with him. I would let him go and focus on meeting someone else. 8 months is not that long, the honeymoon period has ended and now the cracks are beginning to show. Hes a leech, tight with money and has no empathy for your feelings. Making you cry frequently should be a deal breaker. In 5 years, my bf has never made me cry. He has never called me names, insulted me, talked down to me, hurt my feelings or said harsh hurtful things.

You are happy where you are, you have good family and friends and a great career from home. Again you would be mad to give that up for him.

Id get rid of him

[TablesandChairs]

STOP! 8 months is too soon! It's too soon to be buying a place together and too soon to be completely re-inventing your life! Even if you were 1000% sure about this guy - even if he never made you cry and made you feel nothing but amazing, these kinds of changes (especially ones involving your financial well-being) should not be made within the space of months.

You're crying easily because you're on edge and uncertain and you feel that way for a reason; you're not 100% about the changes that are taking place (or will take place). Given that - slow down. If he doesn't like it, he can move closer to where he works (or with his parents) and stop forcing you into something you're not yet ready for.

Keep your place for now. That's your security should things go wrong. Give it another year before making big plans like this. It's very premature and I wonder if he's pushing for it because he has much less to lose? Think about it.

[Wakeup]

It doesn't even sound like you like him. I shake my head at how you would even consider selling your home and moving in with someone that makes you feel like shit all the time. I'd say the same damned thing to him if he posted about you, my dear.

*looks in crystal ball* This is not a union that will last the test of time.

[HeartIsAching]

After 8 MONTHS you're going to uproot, sell your HOUSE and move in with this jackass?!

Why's he making things all your fault? It's not YOUR fault he failed an exam. HE was unprepared... and making fun of your crying? That's emotional abuse.

Don't walk, RUN away.

[TablesandChairs]

As yourself why a financially independent woman with a career and her own home is even contemplating uprooting for a man who doesn't treat her all that well?

Him failing his exam? Not your issue. He should take personal responsibility for everything pertaining to his studies. Your neighbours making noise? Big deal. It happens. People can't move out every time their neighbors have domestics. As for your living in an area where the people are 'below' him - seriously? What a snob. He's not even a doctor yet and already acting like a world class surgeon. It's where your home happens to be, like it or lump it.

You should do some serious contemplating before proceeding further. I think you have rushed into things half blind...making plans that people really shouldn't be making after such a short period together.

Don't involve money into things until you're 100% certain, that's always been my theory and it's never served me wrong.

[wispa]

Thank you to all your posts, you are all right, I am not disagreeing I guess this is just me justifying or trying to, my emotions. My flat was already up for sale before we first met, funnily enough the lady who viewed it yesterday just put in an offer today and I have accepted. What I have now come to terms with, but perhaps he wont is, that I am going to buy my next place alone. He can either stay with me, every now and again, buy his own place or go back to his parents house. Like some of you have said, what does he have to loose? I have alot to loose, its his first house whereas, its my second and my parents are helping too, and I would feel even awful if anything went wrong with a huge risk.

My business is doing well and my clients want me here as much as I want to stay here too, it feels right. I am emotional because it doesnt feel right for me, because he keeps making me cry, he is stressed over my neighbours and I am because he is fuelling it more. I am just diappointed its not working thats all.

The lady who wrote, "get over the neighbours, it no big deal, deal with it" -, have you ever had drug related, party animals living near you or above you? if so you would know what its like. I have bought, they have rented and the poor girlfriend of his keeps on saying sorry for his behaviour, he was evicted before this place so luckily I am moving out but it doesnt help when your partner fires off as well and I am having to deal with both situations out of my control! Thats what is emotional.

I think what many of you have put about money is so true, my biggest fear, he keeps up this behaviour and I cant kick him out because he owns half of it....he has to realise he cant treat me like this anymore...I wont let him!

I feel weaker with him at times, my confidence spirals and this is what has been worrying me, hence this post.....I guess I am trying to think about the future, but I have to think about myself, something I find hard to do, but I did love him, however now I am not sure because everytime he says something not nice, I go back many steps in time.

thank you for your answers its helped tremendously.

[HeartIsAching]

The lady who wrote, "get over the neighbours, it no big deal, deal with it" -, have you ever had drug related, party animals living near you or above you? if so you would know what its like.

I have previously, and I do now. That REALLY sucks, but at least you're moving.

[Katrina4114]

You'll regret big time for selling your own place. Think about a future : Your home is sold, He continues his abuse relationship with you and suddenly you realize you have no place to go when you would want to break up with him. That's scary

[perth]

He has said he will stop making me cry which he did, then the house situation came up yesterday and told me to grow up, to leave behind my parents and start leading a life with him without my family, but they are good people and I like living around here and it was when I said this getting upset, he starts ripping into me, imitating me crying and getting angry.

break up with him and don't look back. this guy does not deserve a girlfriend until he learns to stop being cruel. i agree with the person who said this is emotional abuse. whatever good qualities he has that make you not want to break up with him, you can find them in someone else who will not have his mean streak, and will treat you with respect. the sooner you break up with this one, the sooner you can find someone decent. stop wasting time.

and i'm sorry you've had to go through this crap. it drags down your self-esteem. if you stay any longer, your self-esteem might be brought so low you won't ever leave because you'd think you don't deserve better.

can you imagine having kids with this guy? would you want someone treating your kids the way he treats you? he'll be a bully of a dad.

[Ginger2013]

I can't tell you how similar this sounds to my recent situation. My bf made me cry so often it was embarrassing. I do have emotional health issues, which he knew of, so I'm overly emotional, which he forgets when he's angry. I cried so much during that relationship due to his anger, temper and harsh way of speaking to me. I felt nervous, unstable and upset most of the time when I was with him. But he had a way of hooking me back in with loving words and temporary changes. I too made more money than he did and he never blinked an eye at me paying for all the groceries, or even doing all the chores. When I was really upset about something, I forced myself to go to him to talk about it, instead of hiding it and playing the "nothing's wrong" game. He accused me of wanting him to be my therapist. What a kick in the stomach...anyway, I couldn't take the emotional rollercoaster anymore so I left.

It took my bf a few months to show his true self, and his true self was selfish, inconsiderate and bullying. He said over and over he'd change, but he didn't. Anyway, if your bf is showing those signs now, he won't change later when you've screwed up your life for your relationship. You're too giving like me. And by the way, crying isn't bad at all. Everyone has their own way of dealing with stress and anxiety, mine is crying too. Unfortunately a lot of men think women use crying as a weapon to get their own way, which is bull sh*t, it's just us dealing with anger, hurt and worry. It pisses me off that he mocked your pain by imitating the way you cry. It's hard to break it off, maybe that's not what you need, but for sure I would agree that you shouldn't sell your house and upheave your entire life for the sake of this guy and the two of you. Sorry you feel so bad, I'm still hurt by my own situation, I know it'll get better, but it's difficult to go through.