How do you leave a long-term relationship?

**Nightshade** · 08-08-13, 08:38 AM

This is a difficult subject to broach for a lot of people. I'm wondering how many here have experience with breaking up with a signficant other while in a relationship with longterm intentions. If you have, could you share your story?

How did you look into your wife/husbands eyes and tell them it was over and that they needed to go?

Was is spontaneous, or planned? How did you feel afterwards and how long did it take you to get over it?

Thanks.

To answer my own question; I have had to end a long-term relationship of 5 years. It was incredibly painful and relatively spontaneous, though I had considered leaving him for quite some time, before that...... It took an incredible amount of willpower (or maybe stubbornness) to not give into his pleads and let him back home. The following weeks were even worse. I had to force myself to keep busy so all I could concentrate on was work. I eventually started dating again, which helped to take my mind off of him. But still, I found it difficult to not compare potential suitors with my ex. They didn't measure up. It has been a long and painful process and after another failed relationship after that and now, my current relationship, I still find myself wanting him. He is married with more kids now. I guess life goes forward.

**michelle23** · 08-08-13, 09:01 AM

Why did you end it?

**basilandthyme** · 08-08-13, 09:08 AM

On leaving my ex-husband:

I had been miserable for some time and trying to find a way to resolve it. He was not open to counselling or making any other changes. I stayed mostly because I knew he'd crumble without me. Anyway, one morning I was feeling particularly miserable and he told me that me being miserable was too hard on him. I had an epiphany and decided then and there to leave. I packed a couple of bags and was gone within the hour.

I spend the first couple of weeks in a state of shock....made even worse because his refusal to socialise had left me without friends. Then I started to feel better and started to reconnect with old friends, go out and have fun. Two months later, I met the man who I am still in love with 21 years later.

I never regret ending it. Nor do I ever look back with sadness. Life is great

**Nightshade** · 08-08-13, 09:37 AM

Thank you basil. I feel like I can relate to what you've written, though it is vague, I feel strong parallels. Those "moments of clarity", can be strong catalysts for good things.

Michelle, I ended things with my ex because we no longer had compatible ambitions. We were young when we first got together and though we didn't grow apart, our lifestyles/outlooks on life certainly did. This was to the detriment of our family and future. I'm happy with the decision that I made and the life I have built since then. What I have achieved in the years past, would not have been possible if I stayed with him. In many ways I still love him. We get along wonderfully and we're very good friends....I miss him often. But, he was ultimately not right for me and so, I moved on alone. Still......it sucks. I wish things could have worked. I suppose a good part of that is because we have a child together.

**michelle23** · 08-08-13, 09:47 AM

Can i ask does this thread have anything to do with ending your current relationship? Or is it just random to share stories?

**Nightshade** · 08-08-13, 09:57 AM

This was more a thread for sharing stories.
I have an aunt who has just served her husband with divorce papers. This was very hard for her to do. Her and I are close, and so I started thinking about my experience and the experiences of others.....etc.

**michelle23** · 08-08-13, 10:06 AM

Okay. When i broke up with my ex it was hard. I wasn't really into him but he was head over heals. I felt so guilty dumping him and it took 6 months to find the strength to cut all ties eith him. I never wanted a relationship with him but he kept pushing-wouldn't leave me alone and i was vulnerable at the time, had just been cheated on, confidence low so i did enjoy the attention and the ego boost but i felt like a fly caught in a spiders web-smothered and trapped and every time i tried to end it-he made me feel SO bad..

It was a huge relief when i finally said enough is enough lol.

Ill add we were only together 6months. The whole time he was trying to force me to love him while i was trying to run away but each time i ran-i was so low from the ex that i went back when he begged for more attention

lets just say i learned that rebounds are bad

**Nightshade** · 09-08-13, 12:06 AM

That sucks Michelle.
It's so hard sometimes to leave, especially when you're trying very hard to be considerate of another persons feelings. It's all too easy to put our own on the back-burner.

Glad you found the strength to cut him loose.

**michelle23** · 09-08-13, 12:54 AM

I think we learn from every experience-good and bad and it makes us stronger. Both my exes made me set my standards very high. I stayed single for a year-had a few casual dates but I was VERY fussy and I eventually found my dream man. It was all worth it