Guys: Explain the mindset behind guys doing this...

[namemyname]

A few weeks ago, I met a guy on a website for athletics. It is NOT a dating site, but just has information about our sport. Anyhow, a few weeks ago, we were to meet to do said sport, and we exchanged pictures so we would know who to look for. When I sent him mine, he responded, "wow. you're really attractive. I should tell you that I'm seeing someone. she knows we're meeting, so it's all cool".

Ok, fine - we didn't meet then because of some other garbage (of mine - not his - had to do with me having to break off a brief but intense relationship).

Last weekend, he flew out of state for two weeks to see this girl (she lives out of state). He told me it's only two months into it, he was very hesitant about the long distance thing, it's new, etc. I figured I'd hear from him when he got back to town, so we could try and meet up again for the sport, right?

Nope. Last Monday, he texted me first thing in the morning to ask how my breakup went. ? Since then, he has texted me every day, all day. Mainly we chat about relationships, fitness, and there's been a lot of getting to know you stuff, in addition to him telling me I won't be single long because I'm total marriage material, sexy, attractive, smart, on and on. We have exchanged something like 1,000 messages over this week. I know, I know.

He started the week telling me how he was into her, how she's a total catch, and how he's open to seeing how it can develop. How he really wants to be in a serious relationship, how he likes being with someone regularly. Friday, he told me he's starting to wonder how things are gong to go anywhere with her, because of the distance. He said he didn't know what to do, and I said he didn't need to decide now. He said he was going to try and be in the moment and not think about all of that, and bury his head in the sand.

So, my question. Is he trying to line up new action before making a leap? Or, am I a buddy? Or, is he thinking, crap, I wish I met Name before I flew out here to meet this chick and spend two weeks with her?

To me, if I were her, and some guy flew out of state to meet me and "date" me, I'd be pretty pissed to find out while I was at work, he was texting some chick back home for 9 hours a day that he never met, but plans to.

Thoughts?

[smackie9]

This is how it works with guys.....if they come across someone more attractive, they ditch the other stuff to get at the better stuff. He is fishin to see if he has a got at you by down playing this other relationship he is in. It's a no brainer.

[namemyname]

You're very wise, Smackie.

I'd like to think not *all* guys are like this, though. They're not all looking for the BBD (bigger, better deal).

I believe the way they come to you, is the way they'll go out on you, too.

[smackie9]

Don't think about the other chick she is none of your concern. How do you feel about dating this guy? Personally if I were in his position I would be doing the same thing because LDRs are a hassle and since it's not really a total commitment it's better to move onto someone who lives locally.

[smackie9]

You're very wise, Smackie.

I'd like to think not *all* guys are like this, though. They're not all looking for the BBD (bigger, better deal).

I believe the way they come to you, is the way they'll go out on you, too.

I didn't mean they are always looking but if they are given the opportunity they may consider it.

[basilandthyme]

You're very wise, Smackie.

I'd like to think not *all* guys are like this, though. They're not all looking for the BBD (bigger, better deal).

I believe the way they come to you, is the way they'll go out on you, too.

it's long distance and it doesn't sound like he's committed or exclusive with her. I can't see anything wrong with him keeping his options open.

[namemyname]

I didn't mean they are always looking but if they are given the opportunity they may consider it.

No, I know you weren't broad-stroking.

This is the first time they've actually met, and before that was 2 months, so I don't think it's something either was very committed to. Moreso he has a reason to look. I mean, most people serious about a relationship would prefer it be in their backyard, not a plane ride away.

[namemyname]

it's long distance and it doesn't sound like he's committed or exclusive with her. I can't see anything wrong with him keeping his options open.

From what he's told me, he's a relationship guy, so I imagine they have some kind of "agreement". He refers to her as "the girl I'm seeing", whereas she refers to him as her "significant other". lol

Yeah, I think that's what he's doing. I think he probably feels that all things being equal, he'd rather date someone locally.

[namemyname]

Don't think about the other chick she is none of your concern. How do you feel about dating this guy? Personally if I were in his position I would be doing the same thing because LDRs are a hassle and since it's not really a total commitment it's better to move onto someone who lives locally.

Honestly, I wouldn't have spent all this time texting with him if I wasn't interested. He's got a KILLER personality - just totally my type. I was semi-interested before we were to meet the first time, which is why I was surprised he threw in the "I'm seeing someone" crap. But, over the last week, my gosh, we've talked about a lot of stuff, and yeah, we haven't met, but so far, I'm totally digging what I see and hear.

[michelle23]

I wouldnt waste my time. Sounds to me like hes just telling you what you wana here. Plus i wouldnt trust ANY internet guy until you have met him and gotten to know him at least 20times in person. Guy could be full of crap

[namemyname]

I wouldnt waste my time. Sounds to me like hes just telling you what you wana here. Plus i wouldnt trust ANY internet guy until you have met him and gotten to know him at least 20times in person. Guy could be full of crap

? What is that I want to hear? lol I've not asked him for validation or compliments. I've not even brought up this girl or their relationship. So, not sure why you think he's giving me lines.

I agree you need to meet someone to assess fully, of course, but I don't think I was saying I was leaving my husband for him.

[smackie9]

Honestly, I wouldn't have spent all this time texting with him if I wasn't interested. He's got a KILLER personality - just totally my type. I was semi-interested before we were to meet the first time, which is why I was surprised he threw in the "I'm seeing someone" crap. But, over the last week, my gosh, we've talked about a lot of stuff, and yeah, we haven't met, but so far, I'm totally digging what I see and hear.

There are those who spend time on a guy as their emotional tampon (friends zone) and not anything romantic.....I just had to ask to make sure that things were clear about your intentions. I have been bashed feverishly for just assuming.

[namemyname]

There are those who spend time on a guy as their emotional tampon (friends zone) and not anything romantic.....I just had to ask to make sure that things were clear about your intentions. I have been bashed feverishly for just assuming.

I don't know why I don't remember to use the phrase, "emotional tampon" more often. It's awesome. lol

But, no. From what I've seen, he's completely my type. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Again, haven't met so I'm going off a week of texts, but for what I have, I'd totally date him.

Maybe I'm his emotional tampon?

[smackie9]

Maybe I'm his emotional tampon?

LOL no he's just a guy looking for a GF and I think you have become his best option. So you better make the best of this and let him know you are so totally interested in getting together with him...push him along so to speak.

[namemyname]

LOL no he's just a guy looking for a GF and I think you have become his best option. So you better make the best of this and let him know you are so totally interested in getting together with him...push him along so to speak.

I kind of did the other day, when I said that when we meet, he'll really like me, and he freaked out. At first he said, "probably" Then, "who knows", and then started saying how it's great to have a FRIEND like me to go do the sport with, blah, blah. I dunno. Could be because he was on his way to go see this other girl and it was too much honesty? Or, I could be totally off base and I am his emotional tampon?

I just can't imagine a guy would spend that much time talking to a woman when he's out visiting another unless he was romantically interested. I could be wrong, however. I just know I wouldn't. lol