Sometimes it feels like my Ex is deceased :(

[billyking]

It has been along time since my last ex. Sometimes because I cannot see him or converse with him it feels like he is deceased?! Do you ever feel this way about ex partners?

"Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind" the film is so much more potent when I watch it now. Sometimes would it be easier if I could just erase all memory of him?!

I just try so hard to forget him now as I am becoming tired of wasting the energy on him. But the more you seem to want to stop thinking about them or do other things the more I seem to think about him.

The last time we messaged I told him I loved him then because he was busy a few months passed without response (I am sure there would have been one eventually) I finally vanished from his life 1 year after we broke up. So obviously he was never willing to give us a second chance or maybe he was?!

Vanishing from his life completely is in a way another regret I have. I thought however belated it would help me move on but it really hasn't helped. I have just gone from wondering whether he would message me to now wondering if he wants to talk to me but won't initiate contact because I completely severed it.

I didn't cheat or do anything that begging him for a second chance may have solved. He just felt we were incompatible which is as I now know probably a lot more harder to get your ex back than if you cheated on them. At least if I had cheated and he still loved me (which he did) and had felt we were good together then maybe he would of considered another shot at it. But if he felt we were incompatible then I just can never see how I could make him think differently.

It just really feels like we met at the wrong time . I have read a lot about how guys seem to think or need their lives in some sort of order and security before they go after long term partners and feel happy about it. I just felt my life was all over the place. The realities of life and constantly trying to find money for rent, working and running a business and studying just seemed like such a juggling act. When we were together I wanted romantic meals, take showers together, go on trips, rent a hotel room occassionally for a little spice etc. All these things just seemed impossible to do at the time. I neither had the space or money to do a lot.

Obviously love over rides these things for a while but then after the 2 month mark reality starts superseding everything and cracks show. Don't they?! I just didn't feel comfortable in my own skin and I didn't love myself at the time.

I don't know if writing another forum post will help. I guess I can just get feedback (often the same until it is drilled into my thick skull to totally forget him).

[michelle23]

Hun you need to go and get some counselling. You should not still be so hung up on him after so long. You need to stop looking back thinking it could have worked out if, if, if. That is detrimental thinking and you wont move on that way. You really need to accept it wasn't meant to be and it didn't work out because he wasn't Mr right. Everything happens for a reason. You have to accept its over and stop looking over your shoulder.

You need to stop blaming yourself, let go of the regrets you have, forgive yourself. People break up ALL the time. Its not your fault, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or that you should have done things differently. It just means you and he were not good together.

If you cannot get past this on your own-then speak to a counsellor. The only way to let him go is to accept its truly over, its a good thing its over and there is no going back

[madelinel]

dear, it has been over one year since your breakup.. It is NOT healthy at all.. I think the reason you are still not over him is because that you are lonely and you just want someone to be there. Maybe it is time to go out more often and meet new people. hanging out with new friends will take your mind off him.. Don't try to forget him purposely.. it will only make it worse.. let time take care of this for you good luck!

[billyking]

Well I have been dumped by guys before and felt very lonely at the time and afterwards and I found it easy enough to move on. So why not this time?