I am very confused with my relationship

[xoRubyxo]

Hello all, I am new to this forum and could use some help with my relationship.

I am a 33 year old female, and have been in a relationship with a man for 6 months. Things seem to be progressing quickly, as far as being a serious relationship. He has introduced me to his family and friends, we have talked about moving in together eventually (no set time, but it has been discussed.) And for the most part, it feels like a solid relationship. The part that confuses me, is that he is very open about talking about other women with me. But at the same time, he has told me he would not cheat. But here's the thing. Tonight, we were having a discussion about monogamy. He told me he isn't sure if he believes in it. But then also said, he is willing to be monogamous for me.

As much as I would like to trust him, that statement has gotten me worried. If he doesn't believe in monogamy, how is he just going to stay monogamous with me? Should I be worried? Should I bring it up again with him? I have really come to like him. Now I'm just unsure about where I might stand with him.

I would also like to add, that he has initiated moving things forward. As far as meeting his family, and discussions of our relationship in the future. So this is one reason why I am confused, and unsure of what to do, or what to say.

[michelle23]

This would be a deal breaker for me. The fact that he even needs to say I wouldn't cheat on you is a red flag IMO unless you asked him would he do that. I never had this conversation with my bf-not until about 6 months ago when it came up randomly while we were watching the soaps lol. I knew by his reaction to cheating on the TV and stories we heard from other people that I could trust him.

If he doesn't believe in monogamy-he will use that as his excuse when he does cheat. Something like "it is my god given right as a man to mate with as many as possible blah blah blah" ALL sex addicts use that line *rolling my eyes* It makes no sense coz these same men would do anything to prevent pregnancy lmao

[TablesandChairs]

Why is he in a relationship, then? I think it's fair to day he would assume you were looking for monogamy; most people do. I'm all for people who don't believe in monogamous relationships, but they should be very upfront about that from the beginning. Anything less is deception and a waste of your time.

[Wakeup]

Most men DON'T believe in monogamy but they agree to it if they love the woman and want to keep her. If it wasn't imposed upon us by church and government, then no one would be doing it.

The world had to be populated some how and it certainly wasn't done by one monogamous couple.

If you're worried that he's not going to remain monogamous after he told you he would remain monogamous then why don't you have another discussion with him about your fear of him NOT BEING ABLE to remain such for you and then base your decision to stay with him or leave, on how secure (or not) he makes you feel about his decision. Do you know anything about his sexual history? Do you know if he's ever cheated before?

If you don't think you'll ever be able to trust him then get out now before you waste his and your time.

[michelle23]

Most men DON'T believe in monogamy but they agree to it if they love the woman and want to keep her. If it wasn't imposed upon us by church and government, then no one would be doing it.

Where are you getting this from? I don't believe that at all. A lot of men do believe in monogamy. If they didn't then it would be the norm for people to cheat regardless of social or religious expectations. Only a minority cheat. I have never in my life had a conversation about monogamy with any man lol. It has never come up. Research proves married men are happier and healthier than un-married men. Most men want the same things we do. I know your old school wakeup but seriously I don't understand where people get this BS from.

Most men who do cheat don't do it for sexual reasons. That is one thing a lot of people do not understand. Emotional affairs are the most common type of cheating amongst men and women which means the main thing people are craving is love-not sex.

[horndog]

Most men who do cheat don't do it for sexual reasons. That is one thing a lot of people do not understand. Emotional affairs are the most common type of cheating amongst men and women which means the main thing people are craving is love-not sex.

Please share your source to back up that statement. I Have known many a guy (and girl) over the years who have cheated and almost all of them were just for a quick **** and not any sort of an emotional connection beyond getting laid. For guys it IS a sexual thing.

[horndog]

Most men DON'T believe in monogamy but they agree to it if they love the woman and want to keep her. If it wasn't imposed upon us by church and government, then no one would be doing it.

The world had to be populated some how and it certainly wasn't done by one monogamous couple.

That is a difficult concept for some to wrap their head around, but I agree. Monogamy is something that both sexes will certainly agree to and practice but it is not a natural born instinct in men. Women are more likely to have instinctual "nesting" tendencies. Its easy to see in the animal kingdom how few species are monogamous. Its just how we are wired. However, we are also blessed with the ability of reason to be able to make choices and know when our behavior is right or wrong based upon the commitments that we have made. Great comment wakeup!

[VerticalMoon]

I'd try to ask in a non-accusatory way and see what he has to say. It's just one sentence. It could mean that he's not trustworthy, or it could mean something entirely different. Before you throw away an entire relationship based on just one sentence, I'd try to understand his thinking first.

If you're worried that he'll try to mislead you about his intentions when you ask, just pay attention to whether he's simply sweet-talking or give honest, thought out answers. Pay attention to your gut, but after you have more information.

[xoRubyxo]

Thank you for your replies. It still hasn't really been resolved. When I do bring it up, he will just change the subject. I've decided to just wait it out, and see if it becomes an issue or not. I thank you for your responses. The different perspectives on it has helped, thank you.

[basilandthyme]

I believe monogamy is a choice - and it's a choice he's willing to make for you.

[VincenzoG91]

Thank you for your replies. It still hasn't really been resolved. When I do bring it up, he will just change the subject. I've decided to just wait it out, and see if it becomes an issue or not. I thank you for your responses. The different perspectives on it has helped, thank you.

His evasiveness is a bad sign. If he doesn't believe in monogamy but is willing to be monogamous for you, that's an interesting viewpoint but at least he is being honest about it. But if he is unwilling to discuss his interesting viewpoint further, it looks like he is hiding something from you.

[michelle23]

If he wont discuss it-it is a bad sign. Red flag.

Dog you cant speak for all men. Thats all ive got to say to you. I will post the link tomorrow.

We come from two very different worlds IMO. All ill say is im glad iblive in europe. Buybye

[Starnique]

Please share your source to back up that statement. I Have known many a guy (and girl) over the years who have cheated and almost all of them were just for a quick **** and not any sort of an emotional connection beyond getting laid. For guys it IS a sexual thing.

This is true. The average woman have some sort of emotional connection to a guy when she has sex with him. Not all, but most females. I know for me personally, I am sexual and I do what I do and I have had my share but I don't sleep around with just any and everybody. For me, I have to really like the guy to have sex with him so I do have some sort of emotional connection to him making it easy to get caught up in my feelings and I had to realize that men and women are built differently. I'm not saying that the feelings are forever but during that time frame of us talking or whatever we have going on then I do have that connection. I cant have sex with a guy I don't like.
For a lot of men, it is just sex. Even when they cheat. They can cheat, come shower and move on like nothing happened and they really don't give a ****k about the other girl, even though they should know it's not acceptable. They can sincerely love you and sincerely don't give a shit about the other girl, although that really doesn't make the situation better. I am not excusing this behavior but it is what it is. I remember this guy told me that sometimes he does like a girl but when he cums, he comes to his senses and it's like he feels like he no longer wants to be bothered with the girl and for a lot of men, unless he has feelings for her, it really is like this. I had to get knowledge on this and just learn to enjoy the ****k with them, if you're going to give it to them without you all being official. For me, I have to like them either way and since I know my emotions play a part, then I just be aware of who I give it to. The sooner that women realize this, they wouldn't get so caught up in their feelings and if you're not in a relationship with the guy, then just enjoy the "****k" because that's all it is, waiting on Mr. Right, meantime having a great time with the wrong ones.

[Constructo Man]

. The sooner that women realize this, they wouldn't get so caught up in their feelings and if you're not in a relationship with the guy, then just enjoy the "****k" because that's all it is, waiting on Mr. Right, meantime having a great time with the wrong ones.

Thats true, but I've learned our feelings are there for a reason, and if someone feels conflicted by sleeping with many partners, I think it may be wise to listen to those feelings, change one's behavior and improve oneself so that they attract Mr. Right faster and more efficiently. Being promiscuous while waiting for Mr. Right to just fall out of the sky is a bit unrealistic (imho).

[Starnique]

You totally missed my point on so many different levels. You read the word ****k a few times, panicked and just went way off into the deep end.

I didn't say anything about being promiscuous and literally waiting on "Mr. Right'. My point was, that if you're a female and going to have sexual relationships which I-m-h-o, is not a sign of promiscuity ( as I know some real sluts), with certain guys then you need to realize and understand how some men think. So, it may have sounded "dirty" the way I broke it down, but I don't sugarcoat anything and I call it like I see it.

Of course I am, or any woman in their right mind is equipping and improving themselves for the right guy to come along, as every man cant sweep you off your feet. I clearly said that for me to sleep with a guy, I have to like a guy and a lot of times I do get emotionally caught up in my feelings but a lot of men don't think the same way, so why not apply my knowledge towards a casual encounter if I decide to sleep with somebody that I am not official with? I do agree with you about the sleeping with a lot of partners and changing that aspect of a persons life. Great post, concerning that... however it wasn't relevant to my post.