I CAN'T Convince myself that it is really over..........

[nohope]

Hi,

This is my first time. I've never done this before. It's only because i am deeply hurt, I am desperately seeking for anything that could help.

I feel like i have lost my soul. I feel like my heart is broken to million pieces and i do not know how to put them back together, actually it feels impossible that that could ever happen.

The only person that i could ever turn to when i am like that is gone. No, he's not dead, but i wish he were. at least I'd know that there's really no turning back this time.

I'm crying my heart out right now. I've never been so attached like this to anyone in my life.

Can anyone feel my pain? Do you ever see him in every corner of your life? Do you look at the mirror and look at yourself and see him on every inch of your body? Does literally everything reminds you of him?

How could i ever shake this pain off of me?! How could i ever let him go when every atom in me screams out for him?

The pain is too loud. They say time heals everything, but this is not the first time we've broken up, and each time we did i was never able to forget him and move on with my life. This time, though it is hard for me to believe, it is really over, because what he did could never be forgiven.

We've been together for two years. Maybe some of you would think that two years are not a very long time. But, the things that we have been through together makes me feel like we've been together for a life time. He was my everything, my past, my present, and my future. Now the future is blank without him. All the dreams that we had are gone. And its so hard.

I CAN'T HATE HIM!!!! I want to hate him so bad, especially after everything he did to me. He hurt me so much in the past 2 years, and i know i don't deserve it. And every time we used to break up, i tried meeting other people, but it always made me miss him even more, and ended up me calling him again and getting back together.

I feel like i am stuck. I wish i never met him. I wish i never fell in love with him. I can't get him out of my heart.

I know i am gonna sound really stupid right now. I know u're gonna say why the hell didn't you leave him earlier?!!
Logically speaking, all the signs say that we shouldnt be together. He never trusted me. He was always being jealous at silly things. He always yelled at me. He always had panic attacks about us, saying that i deserve someone better, then saying that i dont deserve his love. He has a very complicated and contradictory personality. Sometimes he's a perfect lover and at other times he makes no sense and he becomes very hurtful.

Six months ago we had a big fight, he pushed me around, he threw things at me, and wanted me out of his appartment. Two weeks later, he begged me to forgive him and promised that he would never lay his hands on me again. I believed him...

Today, he was at my place having a conversation with my mother and she accidently told him about a guy that i met during one of our break ups. So, he and I got into a huge fight because i never told him about it, though nothing happened between me and that guy. But i know how jealous he can be, so at that time i decided not to say anything about it. However, he felt like i was cheating on him, he wouldnt believe that it happened while we were not together... So he slapped me twice on my face. Ofcourse, my mother was shocked and now there is no way that she could ever accept him as a future son-in-law. He got defensive about what he did, somehow claiming that i deserve being treated this way for lying to him.

I can't believe after all the times i was there for him the good and the bad, after all the shit i put up with because of him, after all the lies i forgave him for ( he lied about a lot of serious stuff and i forgave him so many times), he made me feel like the worst person in the world for keeping from him such an insignificant issue.

We both looked at each other today and both knew that it is really over. He put his hand on my face, kissed my forehead, and wished me a bright future with someone better. Deep inside, he knew what he did was wrong, but there is nothing he could do to change what happened.

Now here i am, out of a two-year-relationship carrying a wounded heart, a broken promise, an empty soul, and a bruised cheek.

How can i stop the tears?
How can i stop the memories?
How can i move on?
Will i ever heal again?
How do i make sure that i will never talk to him again? I am very weak when it comes to him, and i know cuz its not the first time.

I need support. I feel lonely and scared. I am considering all of you as my sisters and brothers, since i have none.

I am sorry for myself that the only true love i've ever felt was with him. No way that i am gonna ever feel this kind of love again.

[CFC1990]

Oh I feel soo sorry for you. But I think you already know what everyone is going to say to you.. do not EVER call that guy again. You say you will never be able to love anyone again like you loved him, but that's because you didn't meet the right guy. For now I'd suggest to stay single for a while until you're ready for a relationship again. Do some things with your friends. Being alone constantly thinking about him is certainly not going to help you. Give it time and sooner or later you will realise what a stupid idea it was to not break up the relationship the first time he hit you.

Soo give it a little bit of time, go out with friends and try to enjoy yourself. I hope you can do it good luck!

Edit: Oh and: I'd go to the police if I were you. The fact that he hit you and you've got bruces on your face is enough evidence to put him in jail for a while I think. Just do it, trust me..

[michelle23]

Just stop it! You have severe co-dependency issues and you need to see a counsellor. All this mello dramatic bullcrap over a guy who treated you like complete s**t. Its pathetic. You have issues girl-im sorry to say it but you give way too many chances. No man will ever respect you if you dont change and start having more self respect

you could have avoided all of this heartache if you just opened your damn eyes too years ago and looked closely at all the red flags. I am sorry he abused you but you did let him get away with it!

Go and get counselling and force yourself to be strong. You are not some innocent damzel in distress who is made of glass so stop playing the poor me victim act and go and make some positive changes to your life

yes this is harsh, its blunt and not v sympathetic. You can call me a b**tch if you like but women like you are your own worse enemy

[HeartIsAching]

Just stop it! You have severe co-dependency issues and you need to see a counsellor. All this mello dramatic bullcrap over a guy who treated you like complete s**t. Its pathetic. You have issues girl-im sorry to say it but you give way too many chances. No man will ever respect you if you dont change and start having more self respect

you could have avoided all of this heartache if you just opened your damn eyes too years ago and looked closely at all the red flags. I am sorry he abused you but you did let him get away with it!

Go and get counselling and force yourself to be strong. You are not some innocent damzel in distress who is made of glass so stop playing the poor me victim act and go and make some positive changes to your life

yes this is harsh, its blunt and not v sympathetic. You can call me a b**tch if you like but women like you are your own worse enemy

You need to read up on Stockholm Syndrome.

[nohope]

Just stop it! You have severe co-dependency issues and you need to see a counsellor. All this mello dramatic bullcrap over a guy who treated you like complete s**t. Its pathetic. You have issues girl-im sorry to say it but you give way too many chances. No man will ever respect you if you dont change and start having more self respect

you could have avoided all of this heartache if you just opened your damn eyes too years ago and looked closely at all the red flags. I am sorry he abused you but you did let him get away with it!

Go and get counselling and force yourself to be strong. You are not some innocent damzel in distress who is made of glass so stop playing the poor me victim act and go and make some positive changes to your life

yes this is harsh, its blunt and not v sympathetic. You can call me a b**tch if you like but women like you are your own worse enemy

But that never happened to me before. I mean, all the relationships i've been through before him were easy to let go of. Why is that??

[nohope]

Thank you for your advice. I hope I don't get weak again. I know for sure he is gonna try talking to me again and i hope i won't give in like i always do. I don't trust myself anymore. Wishing i have the strength i had few years ago when it came to relationships.

[michelle23]

Get counselling hun. You need it. Your addicted to him and you need to go through the withdrawel to heal. It just takes time. You have to put your foot down and stay strong. Any man capable of physically hurting you does not love you

also ask yourself what do you love about him? Hes horrible

[nohope]

You're right. And i know that. it's pure logic. but i always blamed my heart for loving him. my head knows what's the right thing to do.

Does it work without counseling? do i really have to see professional help???

[pcmaster]

Its not nessesary to see a profesional but the idea is you have to talk about these thinks with someone who is interested or at least act interested. It could be your mum or friends. Great if the person you speak to could ask you questions. When you really get deep with talking about your emotions you will start to understand yourself better and then you will know better what to do, how to change your life and it will also motivate you. It gets easier when you talk - emotional support and learning to talk about your feelings gona be useful in life general.

[nohope]

Its not nessesary to see a profesional but the idea is you have to talk about these thinks with someone who is interested or at least act interested. It could be your mum or friends. Great if the person you speak to could ask you questions. When you really get deep with talking about your emotions you will start to understand yourself better and then you will know better what to do, how to change your life and it will also motivate you. It gets easier when you talk - emotional support and learning to talk about your feelings gona be useful in life general.

I guess you're right, but people in general are more occupied with their own problems and even might not know how to ask me questions on a deep level. anyway, i told mom about maybe being codependant and told her about counseling, but she suggested that i can fix the problem myself by reading about it.. Im not sure if that could work since i dont know the origin of the problem.

[pcmaster]

Well maybe you wasnt really fullfield on your own and when you met a guy you felt whole. Now its hard to live without him cause alone you are incomplete. You have to learn how to be okay on your own before you can be in realationship and not be depentand.

Anyway this guy explains this idea better

[Mapleguy]

I feel for you and know from experience how hard it is to find the strength you need tolet someone like this go. The best advice is simply to never see or sPeak to him again and know that you will get over it.

It took me a year to completely let go but you improve constantly... For eXample, you'll start crying less and begin laughing again in no time. Trust me: you will get over it, and the best part is that when you do you will be a much stronger person and that will make you happier. I was lucky to meet an amazing girl a year ago and I have never been happier. I also know now that if something terrible does happen and it doesn't last that I have the strength to pick myself up again. We all do.

[nohope]

I feel for you and know from experience how hard it is to find the strength you need tolet someone like this go. The best advice is simply to never see or sPeak to him again and know that you will get over it.

It took me a year to completely let go but you improve constantly... For eXample, you'll start crying less and begin laughing again in no time. Trust me: you will get over it, and the best part is that when you do you will be a much stronger person and that will make you happier. I was lucky to meet an amazing girl a year ago and I have never been happier. I also know now that if something terrible does happen and it doesn't last that I have the strength to pick myself up again. We all do.

Thank you Mapleguy. I hope I am lucky as you are. Telling myself that it is not worth it is helping me right now, but it is up to my other half - the one that keeps reminding me of the sweet memories - to be able to let go. And I actually learned a lot from this relationship, and I did the hard way. So, if I ever get out of this - and hopefully i will - I should be a stronger person.

[namemyname]

Is this for real? This guy slapped you in front of your Mother?

Well, thank God your Mom is smart enough to see this guy is trash, since you sure don't. You're whining about a breakup, and don't seem to see this guy is a wife beater.

You need to ask yourself why you're so attracted to a guy who physically abuses you. And, if he'll do that in front of Mom, imagine what he'd do in private.

[pcmaster]

Is this for real? This guy slapped you in front of your Mother?

imagine what he'd do in private.

Smack in the pussy.