Advice for a super quiet and clueless guy?

[SomeDay85]

First off, I am not a negative, low confident, low self esteem or a pouter lol. I am very confident in my abilities. But I am also very aware of my weakness and inabilities. But that doesn't mean I am afraid of failure or giving anything and everything a shot. But when it comes to talking to girls, flirting and dating, I down right suck. When I get in the situations, it's not me being hesitant or shy, it is me just being clueless and not thinking about just even saying high or show any type of interest. Probably doesn't make sense. Hard to put it in words. I usually always realize what I should have done after the fact. But I am just a really quiet person and I just don't think about saying even just the smallest thing during the moment. Heck, I am even like this in normal social settings with people in general and my friends. Oh and I am 27, and never had a gf. Yup, never had a gf. Unless the 7th grade counts and a 2 month relationship in HS.

Anyways, I started a new job almost 2 months ago. On one of the first days I noticed this really cute girl. We made eye contact a lot and each time she smiled. Another one of my issues is over analyzing situations. I will either flat out not get the message that the girl is flirting or I will automatically think a girl likes me because she is being nice and smiles a lot. I suck at every aspect of the "game" lol.

So if she is really interested or I am over analyzing, I want to find out first hand. Tired of being the quiet guy or has never had a gf and doesn't know how to talk to girls.

So starting a few weeks ago, we would walk by each other in the hallway and the first time we made eye contact and she said hi. You can tell by her smile and look that it was more than just a business gesture when you walk by a co worker in the hallway. At least that I can notice. But of course, knowing myself, I failed to do anything by respond with a professional and conservative "hi". In these moments, It is just not programmed in my brain to flirt or even talk. Even when it is job a random person crossing the hallway, I am the type that will say hi how are you doing if they say hi first. Not that I am a douche or disrespectful or unapproachable guy, it's just that it doesn't cross my mind in those moments. But I absolutely realize it after the fact.

so over the past few weeks there has been plenty of times where either we walked by each other or we stood next to eachother for a bit more than a few seconds. Every time by her smile and body gesture, she wanted me to say something, but I screwed up by just not thinking of it. Again, not being hesitant or nervous. It is just my brain being programmed not to talk to girls in that way, or even be a talkative person to anyone around me. But then I kick myself the rest of the day because I missed out on that chance. And now the girl probably thinks that there is no where this guy is into me since he seems so closed or un talkative.

And that is my story. That pretty much sums up who I am and who I have been my entire life. Even knowing for years that I should change that and do this or do that to make myself more talkative, but when I am in those situations, I go back to my normal self.

So does any of this make sense? Hard to put it into words, but hopefully I didn't do too bad of a job. Can anybody relate? or any advice for this situation or even just my handicap in general?

Oh and I found out her name, looked her up on facebook and I am pretty sure she is 5-6 years younger than me lol. Didn't think the gap was that big. I do look a lot younger for my age though. So I am sure she thinks I am younger than what I actually am.

[namemyname]

Go read "Will" by G. Gordon Liddy. I'm sure you have no idea who he is, but read it.

You will learn about a man who had a deathly fear of rats. How he conquered that was to catch a live rat, skin it, and eat it.

Life lessons, my son, life lessons.

[SomeDay85]

Thanks for the response. I will check it out. But I seriously don't think it is fear. Like I said, I just don't have much to say. I am really quiet and when I girl flirts with me or shows interest, I completely miss it, but then realize it after the fact. When I am actually in those situations, I just don't think about it. Its just the way my brain is program. It has nothing to do with fear or confidence. I am just naturally a quiet guy but it has screwed up my life bit time.

[namemyname]

Well, read it anyway. Highly entertaining, and educational.

Perhaps you have a touch of aspergers?

[SomeDay85]

Well, read it anyway. Highly entertaining, and educational.

Perhaps you have a touch of aspergers?

Not a chance. I was sick when I was younger and that led to many tests, so that would have been caught if I had it. But I don't have trouble socializing or being around people. I love being around people. I am just not that talkative. I am talkative when people ask me questions or involve me into a convo, but I am just not whitty or skilled with starting convos and flirting. but ya I will check that book out.

[namemyname]

Not a chance. I was sick when I was younger and that led to many tests, so that would have been caught if I had it. But I don't have trouble socializing or being around people. I love being around people. I am just not that talkative. I am talkative when people ask me questions or involve me into a convo, but I am just not whitty or skilled with starting convos and flirting. but ya I will check that book out.

This is completely the opposite of who you said you were in your OP.


But I am just a really quiet person and I just don't think about saying even just the smallest thing during the moment. Heck, I am even like this in normal social settings with people in general and my friends.


Anyway, you should have someone wing for you.

[CleanCut]

SomeDay85, you just need to relax buddy. The next time you talk to a girl you like, just talk to her in the same manner as you would your best friend. Talk about anything. Find out what kind of things she likes and share any similar hobbies/experiences. Just be you man

[Kromat83]

I will share my story that is similar to yours when I get home and how i me overcame it.
I know that I would have the ability to start one, but have to feel comfortable with my career first, so I'm waiting until that develops into something before, and won't have stop because I don't have essential aspects in place.
We all can do it, just can't show weakness, and never regret saying something , as she wants yourto show her that you have confidence In chatting and if you have little to talk about, then look up world events, history, movies, your hobbies that might interest girls, or start ones to either share your experience, or that would be fun with the two of you.

[SomeDay85]

This is completely the opposite of who you said you were in your OP.


But I am just a really quiet person and I just don't think about saying even just the smallest thing during the moment. Heck, I am even like this in normal social settings with people in general and my friends.


Anyway, you should have someone wing for you.

No. Maybe I didn't make it clear or typed it out confusing. It is hard to put it to words. But no, I didn't contradict myself. I do not have social issues unless you considering being a man of few words a social issue. People with Aspergers have actual social problems. They can't interact with people and have trouble just being around people. I don't I have no problem be around people, talking in front of a big group or socializing with friends, I just mostly do it in a non verbal way. Like I said, I am a man of few words. I live too much inside of my head. It isn't a choice. It is just how it is. Ya it can change, but it would take months if not years of hard work. Sometimes it is like I slip into a comma. I don't realize I am being short with people or closed off until after the fact. It was never my attention. I want to talk, I like talking and being around people. I am just a quiet person. A LOT of people confuse that with Low confidence, depression, social problems, shyness, etc. It's not though. Just like there are super talkative people, I am the opposite, I am super quiet.

So my issue isn't getting the nerve to talk to a girl. It is programming my brain to think like a guy who is pursuing a girl. To re program my brain to pick up on ques and be aware of these situations where I can flirt and or just say hi and some small following it. It isn't that I am shy to talk to her or any girl in general, I just don't think about doing it. When I am in those situations, it's is like flirting with the opposite sex is the very last thing on my mind. And then a min later when that whole situation is over, I realize it and kick myself. But then also laugh because it is just another tally on the chalkboard. Like for example, at work I had to talk to a co worker at her cubicle. Well, the girl that I think is cute was standing right there next to the lady's cubicle. Instead of acknowledging her and saying something even as simple as hi or even taking it further and introducing myself, I just go about my business, do what I need to do with that other co worker and then walk away. The second I walk away I realize that I should have talked to the girl. It is like this every time. I know what to do and when to do it, but when those situations come, all of that is the last thing on my mind, or I go brain dead or slip into a coma or something.

[SomeDay85]

I will share my story that is similar to yours when I get home and how i me overcame it.
I know that I would have the ability to start one, but have to feel comfortable with my career first, so I'm waiting until that develops into something before, and won't have stop because I don't have essential aspects in place.
We all can do it, just can't show weakness, and never regret saying something , as she wants yourto show her that you have confidence In chatting and if you have little to talk about, then look up world events, history, movies, your hobbies that might interest girls, or start ones to either share your experience, or that would be fun with the two of you.

Thanks. I look forward to the story