I have had numerous bad (some, down right scarring) past expieriences with men who drink alcohol excessively. I was with an alcoholic for a few years, and since, I am hyper aware of the warning signs of such. I automatically associate a man drinking alcohol with various types of abuse and negativity. I don't mean a man enjoying a beer after a long day at work, or having the occasional night out with friends. (It took me a few years to get to the point to be okay with that, and to see that it is reasonable) I'm referring to men who consume alcohol frequently, perhaps even every day.
For awhile now, it has been a deal breaker for me if a man drinks more than occasionally. It scares me into thinking there may be an underlying problem and that I might get in too deep with another abuser of alcohol.
I met up with the man I'm currently involved with last weekend, and when I kissed him hello I could smell alcohol on his breath. He wasn't drunk, and it was his day off from his busy work schedule, but it scared me and made me want to turn right back and go home. I know he tends to drink at home, alone, but I don't know how often. He used to mention when he was at home drinking, but since I have vocalized my dislike for drinkers, he rarely mentions it anymore. This concerns me, because I feel as though he's hiding an aspect of himself because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. I made him dinner at his place that night, and he asked if it was "alright" if he had a beer with dinner and I "could say no if it bothered me". I thanked him for asking me, but told him that wasn't needed and he could drink whatever he wanted. He's a grown man. It *did* bother me slightly, but I tried putting it out of my mind.
I *know* I am being sensitive and this is where I need some advice. Expressing my dislike of alcohol to a man who likes to drink usually just creates issues of lying and hiding their drinking from me to not cause any problems. Hence, why I have considered it a deal breaker. I'm not out to change anyone.
When should it be a deal breaker? As long as the man is functioning, not drunk all the time, and treats me well it shouldn't be an issue, right? The man I'm seeing is a great guy, with a great job, and his head on straight. Am I being over critical of how he likes to unwind?