I'm 25, she's 30 and wants kids within a year, I'm not ready

[Undrrated]

Ive been in a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend. We have lived together for 2.5 years. She's 30, I am 25. I am ready to take the next step and get engaged early next year but not ready for kids. She wants kids by next year which is understandable due to her age.. I love her and don't want to lose her but I don't feel like I'm ready to be a dad yet..any advice?

[HeartIsAching]

uh... Tell her so?

[4blossoms]

Wow, she is 30. That is still very young. My friend had her daughter at 37 and my aunt had my cousin at 42. Tell her don't worry, she is still going to be fertile for quite a while!

[basilandthyme]

Wow, she is 30. That is still very young. My friend had her daughter at 37 and my aunt had my cousin at 42. Tell her don't worry, she is still going to be fertile for quite a while!

I'd stopped ovulating in my late 30's and was in full menopause by 45. I'm forever grateful that I had my children at 29 and 31.

[basilandthyme]

Ive been in a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend. We have lived together for 2.5 years. She's 30, I am 25. I am ready to take the next step and get engaged early next year but not ready for kids. She wants kids by next year which is understandable due to her age.. I love her and don't want to lose her but I don't feel like I'm ready to be a dad yet..any advice?

Can you give her a timeline of when you WILL be ready and stick to it? Negotiating a year or two might work, but it's not fair to ask her to wait longer than that.

[TablesandChairs]

Your age gap isn't huge, but in terms of a woman's fertility, it can be a problem. While most women are fertile well in their 30s (some 40s), it's not guaranteed. Sadly, our most fertile years are way too young for most sensible people to be planning on kids. But there's always IVF.

Anyway, negotiate a time frame - say within the next 3 years. Something like that. You're not even engaged so her wanting a child within the next year is a bit soon, I think.

[michelle23]

3 years together. If you cannot commit to having kids in the next two years then let her go find someone who will. You should know by now whether this woman is for life or not and if she had to wait five years and was then told its too late-she would resent you forever..

Many women in their early 30's need IVF. It is not as easy to get pregnant as people think it is. Some are just lucky and it happens easily. Others have a horrific time which in the end can drain you both emotionally to the point that you break up.

My mum said she is so glad she had her kids young as she watched a lot of her friends struggle in their 30's. I also remember talking to a lady and I told her I want a career, house etc before having kids and she told me dont wait too long. All her friends are in their mid-30's now and she said most have found it v difficult- not only to concieve but pregnancy, labor, giving birth and recovering afterwards is more difficult the older you are and the risks are greater.

[HeartIsAching]

I'd stopped ovulating in my late 30's and was in full menopause by 45. I'm forever grateful that I had my children at 29 and 31.

My wife is still ovulating at 49, though it's become more erratic, and apparently we can't conceive. You never know.

[lalalita]

It's not fair saying she should wait because "30 is young". No matter a woman's age, if she knows what she wants and is ready for it, she should not have to wait for it because the partner they are with doesn't want the same thing. Talking to her and letting her know what sort of timeline you are on personally should happen. If you want to push it back a year, I say that could be reasonable. "I don't know" or something like "5 years" is a conflict of interest.

[VincenzoG91]

Ive been in a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend. We have lived together for 2.5 years. She's 30, I am 25. I am ready to take the next step and get engaged early next year but not ready for kids. She wants kids by next year which is understandable due to her age.. I love her and don't want to lose her but I don't feel like I'm ready to be a dad yet..any advice?

I bet that a lot of dads didn't feel ready to be a dad when they had their first kid. Ask yourself if you ever want to have kids. If the answer is definitely yes and you love this woman, you should go ahead and marry this woman and have kids. You understand her age issue, so you understand that she needs to know where this relationship is headed and when, so she can move on while there is still time. If you aren't sure about kids, the relationship, or anything big like that, I think that it's fair to ask her for one more year before making big decisions. Just know that this is a potential dealbreaker situation.

[basilandthyme]

My wife is still ovulating at 49, though it's become more erratic, and apparently we can't conceive. You never know.

And the 'never know' bit is the scary bit. I'll be advising my daughter not to wait too long because menopause runs early in both sides of her genes.

[Rowen]

uh... Tell her so?

^ Best advice anyone can give him. Give the man a beer. lol