I broke up with my boyfriend so he proposed, now one day later with my BFF?

[fly]

I had up until last Sunday been in a committed, faithful and at times long distance 6 1/2 year relationship with my partner R.

Throughout our relationship I had always been the more proactive, the more vocal and I guess stronger person in the relationship, in comparison to my very laid back partner. When we first met it wasn't exactly love at first sight. He wore me down with his sense of humour and persistent and frequent asking me out. At the time I had just turned 19 and he was 23. I had plans to leave my home town for university and never intended on having a serious relationship.

I got into my first choice university and we decided after 10 months together we would try long distance. I ended up every friday night travelling the three and a half hours home to see him. It cost me over £800 in train fare the first year and did cause a little strain with university friends, I thought it was worth it to see him. He came to visit me once.The second year I bought a car, so I could continue to come home but would have more time to focus on my studies. In my three year university experience my partner came to visit me 3 times.

After graduation I desperately tried to find work in Bristol but as I specialised in a design degree, work was few and far between in my chose field. I decided to live in Bristol and travel around the country finding work. After 10 months I couldn't sustain the bills and decided to commit fully to our relationship, find a place together (we had been living seperately at our parents) and take any job I could find. After 8 months of full-time temping and one unfortunate redundancy, I got a live-in managers job at a hotel. My partner came to live with me. As part of my salary the flat and bills are free. We thought it would be a great place to temporarily trial out living together, before moving into our own place.

After a few months of living together I realised I was paying for all the food bills, the restaurants, cinema tickets and days out. He was getting more and more luxury items delivered to the house and I was struggling each month for money. After many conversations and pleas for him to pay, I carried on paying for things without asking for money, to make life a little easier. After 11 months and just after Christmas I told him it was a new year of living together and he should start paying and start doing some housework, as it was unfair to me to not only provide but also take care of all the housework.

At the end of April my partner was becoming more and more tired and frustrated due to his job. He has always struggled with his current job (was meant to be a stop gap) due to him not being allowed to take holiday between February and October, him having to work all bank holidays and the entire Christmas. But more recently he is only allowed days off during the week. I switched my rotas so we could have Mondays off every week. But instead of spending time with me, he insisted on "resting" or playing on his computer. Every day became a cycle of me cleaning, cooking and washing up behind him with sometimes him not even speaking to me.

I hit my tether and asked him to temporarily move out, to give me some space and also for him to realise how much I do financially and physically for him. After 7 weeks he saw me less and less and after going out one night with my younger brother. My partner insulted my intelligence, said I was basically unemployable and lucky to have the job I have. That was the final straw for me. I blew up in his face. I ended the conversation with; "you are a joke".

After 5 days of not hearing from him, I text him to ask when he planned on talking to me. He instantly replied and said;"just waiting for you to make the first move". Twenty minutes later he turned up at our flat and I told him I couldn't do it anymore because I felt I was being taken advantage of, that his job had caused a rift between us and that I had nothing to look forward to. I doubted our future together due to the financial problems and the fact he makes no effort. He understandably was upset and told me he would collect the rest of his stuff that week.


This saturday he unexpectedly turned up at 9am (I was working a 14 hour day starting at 2) to collect his things. I thought it was odd he didn't have any boxes but continued to be pleasant all the while hurting inside. After exiting from the bathroom (I was wiping my face) he proceeded to propose to me with a Haribo ring.

I did very dramatically leave the flat and told him no, its too late, I cant believe you are doing this to me. After five minutes I returned and we emotionally packed all his stuff away and into the car. We had a heart to heart and he apologised and said he understood finally how I felt and hoped that with a proper break hopefully we could work out somethings and get back together. He came back an hour later and took the 43 inch flatscreen from the livingroom, He had just told me he would only store it in the attic and that he had no room. What he meant was he had no room in the car. I offered money for the tv and he refused. He left with the tv and I went to work angry.

Later whilst i am in work he text me and asked for a job application for a local place. I said I would pick him one up and I dropped one off to his parents house today. His family were very cold to me and later he never even text or called to say thank you. I initially thought he was taking the break positively and was attempting in someway to win me back.

After spending the day trying to put back together my head, the messy flat and buy a new tv, I get a call from my best friend to tell me to go on facebook. He has rejoined facebook after using it probably 4 times in our entire relationship. Posted; "Hey guess whose back on facebook woo - then tagged my other best friend (who by the way says she is busy until Thursday) at the pub with him and only him!

Now I know I rambled on about our entire relationship but I thought it's best to tell you why even though I am still in love with my partner, I had to end our relationship for personal perseverance.


As a male forum can someone please shed some light on to what the hell he might be doing?

Should I just cut all ties and give up on any notion of an improved second chance?

Do I even acknowledge the fact he went out with my so called best friend?

[smackie9]

I may not be male but I can tell you this....he sure made a very quick recovery from an end of a 6 1/2 year relationship. Improve? He had 6 1/2 years to redeem himself, what would make you think he would change now? He won't because he's busy mackin on your GF.

[smackie9]

Mackin:
To make moves on, show your game, try to get with the person.

[pennylane1984]

I hope a man answers your reply.

I will give my opinion. You have done everything you can do and have been a doormat for so long. He is probably out with your gf to piss you off and get your attention. And he added facebook to show you and to publically humiliate you because he is hurt and his ego is bruised that you said no to his proposal. He also made that comment to your brother because his ego is bruised because you have become the better provider which is usually reserved for a man's role in the relationship (not all the time, but usually).

I don't know what I would do if I were you. You have a lot to think about. I would probably call him to meet up with him and tell him (if you still want to be with him) that you still want him you just want him to work on himself and/or your relationship. Give him specific examples of when he is being thoughtless and/or hurtful. You could also tell him he isn't winning any points with you by hitting on a close girl-friend of yours and that he is only making himself look worse to you.

Good luck and keep us posted. I am sorry to see that once again a good close girl-friend....isn't. You are better off ditching her completely as her friendship is absolutely not worth it.

Take care.

[VincenzoG91]

Now I know I rambled on about our entire relationship but I thought it's best to tell you why even though I am still in love with my partner, I had to end our relationship for personal perseverance.


As a male forum can someone please shed some light on to what the hell he might be doing?

Should I just cut all ties and give up on any notion of an improved second chance?

Do I even acknowledge the fact he went out with my so called best friend?

I read your entire post, but I didn't see any reasons why you would love him, just lots of reasons why you should have dumped him sooner.

What he is doing is acting like a complete idiot. Actually, I don't think he is acting.

Cut ties with him completely. He's a joke.

Don't believe everything you read on Facebook. Don't start any drama with your friend. At the most, your pathetic ex is desperately trying to make you jealous and/or get himself laid. Or maybe he just posted that after she shot him down, in a pathetic attempt to get a reaction out of you. Either way, it's unlikely that anything serious or long-term is going to happen with your friend, and if it does, send her a thank-you card for taking that crappy ex off your hands.

Seriously, this guy was a crappy boyfriend. He rarely made any effort to visit you at university, and he spent more effort on that tv than he did on your candy engagement ring. The only emotion that you should be feeling right now is embarrassment that you ever had sex with such a loser.

[michelle23]

I totally agree with Vince. Hun you can obviously do so much better. I know its not easy to walk away. 6 and a half years is a long time and of course you love him but he completely took advantage of you. He is lazy, lacks motivation, took you for granted, expected you to wipe his ass for him as well as everything else. He is not a man-hes more like a spoilt little mamas boy. I don't know how you put up with him for so long. You need to cut all contact with him, grieve the loss of this relationship, focus on healing emotionally and in time you will get over him and be ready to meet someone else. Pain is only temporary and the heart is very strong. 6-12 months of missing him, feeling like crap occasionally, feeling upset or jealous every time you hear he has a new gf etc but in the end you will find closure. You just have to accept its over, that you can do better, stay away from him, don't allow yourself to go back, just stay strong and after awhile you will be ready to fall in love again.

This was a one sided relationship, it wasn't equal and you need to find yourself a better man who will give 100% just like you do. Block him on FB and start closing that chapter in your life. This is a new beginning. You can do whatever you want to do. Travel, find work, get promoted, increase your salary, make new friends, join a few hobbies, study, spend time with family. Dont sit around moping. Set some goals now for the next year and focus on reaching them. Use this time being single as a chance to figure out what kinda man you want-set your standards high and dont settle for second best.

Forget whatever he is up to-probably trying to make you jealous. He will also probably have a rebound-just ignore it. Its just his way of dealing with the pain of losing you. It will be a lot harder for him to get over you coz he just lost the best thing he could ever have hoped to get and he is probably kicking himself so hard in the balls. Leave him at it. You are worth more

[fly]

Thank you for all the replies to my post. I was feeling a bit stuck especially as we share friends and did not want to bad mouth him to friends. I felt guilty as I ended it. I now realise that I have a few friends I can talk to but that unfortunately sides have already been taken and he is out to play the victim.

To keep you updated, I ended up working an 18 hour shift today as unfortunately my night manager called in sick at the last minute, stupidly I logged on to facebook on my break to discover he was out with her again tonight. The cheek was, she actually text me earlier today to say she was really busy this week and she will see me soon.

I unfortunately due to tiredness or frustration and before I read all your insightful comments I stupidly text him and said; "looks like you found yourself a new girlfriend. I don't play games, so if you don't mind I am going to remove you from facebook. Think it is a bit ****ed up to be honest, but then who am i?"

I instantly regretted it as I did give him the satisfaction. He told me that she is only being a friend and that he is single, surrounding himself with "his" friends for support. I bitterly said; "shame she is not being mine. But then again your advertising it on facebook for my benefit right?"

I have received a response since about how she is his friend and he can do what he likes on Facebook. I have not responded nor will I do. When you say Facebook, facebook. It seems childish, but as Pennylane so rightly put, it is a public form of embarrassment. I haven't actually told anyone that I am single.

I very much appreciate the replies, I can honestly say i do feel a little better and maybe I should be embarrassed.

What has come out today is my other best friend MC is very much there for me and we are now going on a 5 day trip to Barcelona in August. So at least I have something nice to look forward too.

x