5 dates in, very confused

[Villo]

Here's what I believe to be true for almost everyone, regardless of gender: If someone really digs you, that person will find all sorts of excuses to contact you, or to respond to your contacting them, especially when a r-ship is still new and most exciting.

She is clearly distracted and I agree with others that she is likely seeing others. Even if she isn't seeing other people, she isn't showing much enthusiasm for you. It's just that simple. The healthy dating situation is one where you and the lady you're dating demonstrate mutual enthusiasm about seeing each other reasonably frequently. You just don't have that with this particular woman. Also, she's showing she has a lack of respect for you by ignoring all your attempts at communication. A mature woman who is ready to seriously focus on you will respond to your texts, even if just to ask you not to text so much.

But then there's your lack of communication with her. I'm not talking about all those texts and the desperate phone call(s). I'm talking about what you not speaking up early on when it became obvious she was ignoring your texts. If you want to be in a mature r-ship, you have to speak up for your needs, from the beginning. Letting people know where you stand and asking them directly where they stand w/you is a building block for a deeper r-ship. Plus, you show yourself some respect by speaking up instead of letting people walk all over you because you're afraid of confrontation.

[ImOnOne]

Sounds like the girl that plays mind games with every decent guy she meets then gets screwed over by aholes all the time and complains to her friends that she can't meet any "nice guys".

[smackie9]

I see some crucial information was left out. Is it not obvious she was A. either dealing with an ex BF or B. a rebound relationship (or both). When someone is that fresh out of a long term relationship BEWARE! Usually they are not emotionally available or are emotionally out of sorts. This would explain her behavior. IMO you were sort of a rebound. Yes she did have interest in you but not like the interest you had in her.

[Wakeup]

I don't know, I feel like my emotions have been toyed with, especially with that one night we had together during the 3rd date. Why would a girl do what she did on a 3rd date if she wasn't interested? Why would a girl cuddle up against you in her bed and kiss you goodbye if she wasn't feeling it? Just threw me for a loop.

Because she's a flake?

Listen: For your own best interests donot cuddle on some girls bed ever again if she sparks a makeout session and then shuts it down mid stream. Stay on the couch or on the floor and just chat with her. Keep your making out to when you're anywhere other then her bed. Let her shut it down outside of the bedroom, then you won't be so confused as to why she'd do what this piece of fluff had just done to you.

The only reason you feel that your emotions have been toyed with is because you've been allowing her to toy with them. Stop calling her and let her do some pursuing and if she doesn't then NEXT her and learn to 'really like' someone who gives back.

[VincenzoG91]

I went through something like this once. The dates were going well but the communication between dates was lacking, and we were only getting together once a week. After a month, I asked her directly what was going on, and she admitted that she was dating three other guys as well. She ended a long term relationship several months earlier, and felt like she really needed to date around for a while before getting too serious with one guy. I respected that, but stopped calling her and never looked back. I didn't feel like I needed to tell her anything, since we weren't serious anyway.

[WickedTrombone]

Because she's a flake?

Listen: For your own best interests donot cuddle on some girls bed ever again if she sparks a makeout session and then shuts it down mid stream. Stay on the couch or on the floor and just chat with her. Keep your making out to when you're anywhere other then her bed. Let her shut it down outside of the bedroom, then you won't be so confused as to why she'd do what this piece of fluff had just done to you.

The only reason you feel that your emotions have been toyed with is because you've been allowing her to toy with them. Stop calling her and let her do some pursuing and if she doesn't then NEXT her and learn to 'really like' someone who gives back.

she texted me the next morning saying she tried answering the call and was sorry she didnt get to it in time. That she was pretty drunk and had a bad night and wasn't trying to ignore me. Hours later she texted again just saying my name with a question mark, because I hadn't responded...(go figure)

If she wasn't trying to ignore me, what kept her from texting me the past 4 days? :S

[namemyname]

Again, like everyone is telling you, she's seeing other guys. You're one of the stable boys.

She tried to answer the phone, and missed it, but couldn't call you right back?

Whatever. Stop believing her crap. You'll save yourself a LOT of aggravation.

[Wakeup]

she texted me the next morning saying she tried answering the call and was sorry she didnt get to it in time. That she was pretty drunk and had a bad night and wasn't trying to ignore me. Hours later she texted again just saying my name with a question mark, because I hadn't responded...(go figure)

If she wasn't trying to ignore me, what kept her from texting me the past 4 days? :S

She was "pretty drunk" and "had a bad night" She's about as good relationship material as it gets, alright? O,o

If she wasn't trying to ignore me, what kept her from texting me the past 4 days?

I don't know what you're asking here?

[smackie9]

she texted me the next morning saying she tried answering the call and was sorry she didnt get to it in time. That she was pretty drunk and had a bad night and wasn't trying to ignore me. Hours later she texted again just saying my name with a question mark, because I hadn't responded...(go figure)

If she wasn't trying to ignore me, what kept her from texting me the past 4 days? :S

Always go by their actions, and not what they tell you!

[WickedTrombone]

Always go by their actions, and not what they tell you!

Yeah, I know. I think I'm just going to chalk this one up to something casual. I'm not going to stress over her anymore. I'll send her one text a week, maybe just asking if she wants to hangout...then see if anything ever materializes down the road. But I'm done coming to her for anything other than asking her out once a week. Two can play this game, right?

[smackie9]

Yeah, I know. I think I'm just going to chalk this one up to something casual. I'm not going to stress over her anymore. I'll send her one text a week, maybe just asking if she wants to hangout...then see if anything ever materializes down the road. But I'm done coming to her for anything other than asking her out once a week. Two can play this game, right?

Ya that will show her!.......NOT! Dude stop wasting your time...... seriously

[michelle23]

my guess is she has a bf or else just dumped him. either way not a person to get involved with. shes not into you. when i met my bf we met up 4-5times the first week, text every night and started sleeping together 2weeks later. we were exclusive from the start. i think you should stop contacting her-forget her and move on.

the first and last guy who didnt bother staying in touch with me was dumped within 2weeks. we went on two dates, he text me one night for hours and then nothing for 3-4 days. i said f**k you, forgot about him and met my bf a month later. that was 5years ago. btw i suspected that guy was seeing others at the time which is why i didnt bother wasting my time on him. i dont believe in multiple dating. iv always wanted a man who knows what he wants and doesnt need to date 5people at once to figure it out

[WickedTrombone]

my guess is she has a bf or else just dumped him. either way not a person to get involved with. shes not into you. when i met my bf we met up 4-5times the first week, text every night and started sleeping together 2weeks later. we were exclusive from the start. i think you should stop contacting her-forget her and move on.

the first and last guy who didnt bother staying in touch with me was dumped within 2weeks. we went on two dates, he text me one night for hours and then nothing for 3-4 days. i said f**k you, forgot about him and met my bf a month later. that was 5years ago. btw i suspected that guy was seeing others at the time which is why i didnt bother wasting my time on him. i dont believe in multiple dating. iv always wanted a man who knows what he wants and doesnt need to date 5people at once to figure it out

Yeah, unfortunately I don't find many girls like this one who I am very attracted to and also share a lot of common interests, it's kind of scary actually. That being said, I'm trying harder than I normally would for any old person. If I stay distant and just keep going with these casual dates, perhaps she'll come around and figure out I'm a great guy for her. If she doesn't come around I can always have 'the talk' and make a decision for myself then. That's how I see it anyways. So keeping things very casual is my only option here unless she comes around huh?

[lalalita]

I agree that she may still have a boyfriend. It explains a lot - her lack of frequent communication, why you don't see her very often, and why she initiated something sexual than a stopped it (guilt).

[WickedTrombone]

I agree that she may still have a boyfriend. It explains a lot - her lack of frequent communication, why you don't see her very often, and why she initiated something sexual than a stopped it (guilt).

Her FB says she's been single for a few months. Is this something I should approach her with, or just shrug it off and make it appear as if I could care less.