revenge yes or no?

[avine]

there is something wrong with you. you had an affair with a married man. that makes you a home recker and a cunt and you should be ashamed.

I respect your opinion clearly its personal for you and im sorry, however i need to correct you i aint a home wrecker, if he really valued his home he could have said no instead of getting involved with me. It annoys me when people like yourself blame the girl as if the man was powerless and did not have a final say in the situation. But i respect your opinions and don't have to resort to swearing to express myself.

[LifeInflux]

I'm going to not necessarily side with avine on this one, but I feel michelle is wrong...

While knowingly sleeping with a married man isn't... ideal..... Avine isn't the one who deflowered the sanctity of marriage.... she didn't force the man to do anything... and we should hold the real party accountable. I hate the idea that because your significant other slept with a person, that its somehow that persons fault... like the significant other had no choice. Its ALWAYS their choice.. people are not that weak. Thinking otherwise is being willfully ignorant to spare your own feelings, and its a destructive pattern that only breeds more cheaters.

[avine]

Thanks all the rest of you for your opinions, you are right better to walk away as the bigger person and let life to sort it out. The thought of revealing the truth is tempting and no doubt would be briefly satisfying but i realize now that also infantile and foolish and would be my undoing too. Thanks for bringing my perspective back x

[avine]

Thank you Lifeinflux my opinion exactly, i didn't force him to do anything, he could have said no and id have accepted it.

[LifeInflux]

Thank you Lifeinflux my opinion exactly, i didn't force him to do anything, he could have said no and id have accepted it.

I know that dear, I'm sorry others don't see it. Of course.. you already know my entire opinion on the matter

[michelle23]

In no way am I blaming OP more than this married asshole. He is worse than her and he is the one who betrayed his wife. I get that. However OP knew he was married which is wrong. She should have said no. My moral values are very strong and I do not agree with cheating at all or people who enable cheating (other man/other woman)

I know I have been quiet harsh here but someone has to stand up for that poor woman who prob thinks her husband is the best thing since slice bread when really he is living a lie, a double life. Nobody deserves that

[sadbunnyface]

No on revenge he isn't worth the extra effort. You should want to be better than that, you don't want anything more on your plate re: him. I am guessing you were the 1st he cheated with and won't be the last his wife will eventually know the truth about her husband, if you told her it would be for you to stick it to him, not for her. So do nothing.

[Millie]

I'm going to not necessarily side with avine on this one, but I feel michelle is wrong...

While knowingly sleeping with a married man isn't... ideal..... Avine isn't the one who deflowered the sanctity of marriage.... she didn't force the man to do anything... and we should hold the real party accountable. I hate the idea that because your significant other slept with a person, that its somehow that persons fault... like the significant other had no choice. Its ALWAYS their choice.. people are not that weak. Thinking otherwise is being willfully ignorant to spare your own feelings, and its a destructive pattern that only breeds more cheaters.

I'm in both camps on this one, I agree with Michelle that women shouldn't be sleeping with men they know are married - quite aside from the 'it's going to end in tears' aspect to it, it's just selfish and mean to do that to someone who's done you no harm. I dare say the wife's feelings weren't a consideration when the affair kicked off but the point is they should have been, to both of them. That said, the OP wasn't the one who promised to love, honor, obey etc, so if we're talking betrayal then that's all on him - the OP didn't make that commitment to her, he did, but that doesn't mean the OP is blameless, treat people how you would like to be treated and all that, what goes around does tend to come around.

Thank you Lifeinflux my opinion exactly, i didn't force him to do anything, he could have said no and id have accepted it.

I find this statement quite interesting - am I right to assume from this that you were the instigator?

[VincenzoG91]

Thank you Lifeinflux my opinion exactly, i didn't force him to do anything, he could have said no and id have accepted it.

Did you give his wife a choice? Why not?

[clairedunham]

Scratch his car I say!!!

[4 ratties]

I understand how u feel.. When my first boyfriend dumped me after a series of horrible personal things he did to me, I wanted revenge too. I even wanted to kill him. It's not in me to kill anyone but my anger and hurt were so overwhelming. It took about 3 months to get over him and I'm glad I didn't waste any time getting revenge. Getting revenge is a sign of weakness really. A strong person would hold their head high and forget about them. Give yourself a couple months to let your feelings calm down. Your case is unique though because he's a married man. I do believe the woman has a right to know. If he's not going to tell her, someone should. I know others on this site will disagree but I'm just saying my personal opinion. I would tell her, not for revenge, but for the right thing to do. I would want to know if my husband was cheating and he wasnt telling me, so I could divorce his Nasty cheating a$$

[smackie9]

I really don't know why you would expect him, a man that is willing to cheat on his wife, to treat you with any respect either. Yes he made the choice, but you made the choice too, and there can be no rules or guidelines when it comes to participating in adultery. You got your dish of karma now eat it and learn from this experience not to date married men....how can you trust someone that is willing to cheat on their wife eh?

As for him, I'm sure this wasn't his first or his last time...eventually his wife will figure it out. I agree to just walk and get on with your life.

[pennylane1984]

I respect your opinion clearly its personal for you and im sorry, however i need to correct you i aint a home wrecker, if he really valued his home he could have said no instead of getting involved with me. It annoys me when people like yourself blame the girl as if the man was powerless and did not have a final say in the situation. But i respect your opinions and don't have to resort to swearing to express myself.

The problem is you are a home wrecker. You knew he was married. How did you think the situation was going to end? That is the real problem here. I am not saying you aren't entitled to feel hurt and/or disrespected because of the situation. If he was a good person he wouldn't have been cheating on his wife. For you to expect him to treat you well when he won't do that for his own wife is just not realistic.

You could tell his wife but chances are she already knows. Women usually have a vibe on about their married/live in partner in life. She doesn't need to hear it from the mistress.

My advice to you is please do not get involved with men who are not available. Not only are they not worth it but they don't have what you need in a life partner.

[avine]

I find this statement quite interesting - am I right to assume from this that you were the instigator?

yes indeed i was the one who initiated, but never insisted. He had a clear choice, could have said no or even walk away after the first time, but he chose to perpetuate it. I believe his wife and family is his responsibility not mine, i am responsible for my own personal circumstances and he for his thats my opinion.

[avine]

Getting revenge is a sign of weakness really. A strong person would hold their head high and forget about them. Give yourself a couple months to let your feelings calm down. Your case is unique though because he's a married man. I do believe the woman has a right to know. If he's not going to tell her, someone should. I know others on this site will disagree but I'm just saying my personal opinion. I would tell her, not for revenge, but for the right thing to do. I would want to know if my husband was cheating and he wasnt telling me, so I could divorce his Nasty cheating a$$

Thanks i appreciate it and you are right its been very painful and i know many people say what did you expect and they are right however that does not make the pain any less real. But i agree with you that revenge is for the weak and while it might be satisfying briefly, in the long term is better to be the better person and walk away from the cr*p. I also agree with you though that she should know, were i in that situation i would like some one to tell me. Im however not sure if its my place to tell. She may not believe me and/or he would know it was me who told and assume i did it out of spite.