revenge yes or no?

[avine]

I just wanted to run this one by you to get some opinions. I have recently gone through a bad break up with an older married man who i had an affair with, and in the end he acted despicably and cowardly instead of being honest and saying things how they were. I have not been angry about the fact that it ended but about how he did it. I have found it difficult to come to terms with how he acted, especially because it has made me feel there was something wrong with me / i wasnt good enough etc, which I know logically are nonsense but I still felt it and sometimes still do.
I have enough information to take revenge on him, by letting his wife know what he did, his world in which safety he hides within would be destroyed. And I have to say that even though I know this is totally wrong, the idea of it feels very satisfying. I do not think i am going to execute it, because I pride myself in not hurting people on purpose and in being better not bitter and I also believe that if you revenge you may as well dig two graves. No doubt he would retaliate and try and destroy my world, which I am not willing to risk. So I guess I am just going to have to get over the urge and walk away and be the bigger person, but I cannot deny, even knowing that its wrong, that the idea is very, very tempting.
I just wanted to know what you thought guys. Have you ever taken revenge on someone who has hurt you? What was the result? what do you think I should do? Thanks for reading x

[VincenzoG91]

I did take revenge, and the memory of it troubles me to this day.

Years ago, I was in an on-again/off-again relationship with a woman who was struggling with drug addiction. She reached out to me while living in a halfway house operated by Volunteers of America. I visited her often, and towards the end of her stay, helped her land a job that allowed her to get out of the facility during daylight hours and earn some money. She wanted to move in with me after getting out, to help her get back on her feet and to avoid backsliding into drugs. The day she was released, we hung out for a few awkward hours before she wanted a ride to visit with a friend. I dropped her off and then she dropped out of sight. I called a bunch of people, but nobody knew where she was. Turned out that she went to a party that night, got high again, and then hooked up with her ex who also had drug problems.

After worrying about her for 48 hours, I realized that she was probably doing drugs again. So I took the bag of clothes that she left at my place and drove back to the halfway house, where I donated her clothes. Turned out that those were the only clothes that she still owned. A day later, she called to see if she could stop by and get her clothes, and I told her what I did. Yeah, she made some horrible choices in life, but what I did was downright cruel. That wasn't the end of our intermittent relationship, but it was one of the low points. Another low point was a couple of years earlier, when she burglarized my apartment so she could afford more meth.

Anyway, I have since learned that the best revenge is to live a good life. I don't believe in karma in a metaphysical sense, but I believe that bad people eventually hurt themselves by driving away all the good people in their lives. That said, it might be worth telling his wife, not as revenge upon him, but because she deserves to know. She probably won't thank you, and she might not even believe you, so don't expect any immediate satisfaction from doing it.

[Millie]

In a word - no. No I've never had cause to take revenge, no I wouldn't take revenge in your situation, and no I don't think you should either. I totally understand the notion of wanting to hurt someone back but telling his wife wouldn't make the hurt you're feeling any better, you'll still feel that hurt you'll just feel guilty on top of it. Be the bigger person and walk away - you spoke about wanting to exit that situation with dignity earlier, there's nothing dignified in revenge, and the person you'll hurt the most is his wife, who from what I can tell is the one person who truly does not deserve it.

[michelle23]

there is something wrong with you. you had an affair with a married man. that makes you a home recker and a cunt and you should be ashamed.

while i think his wife deserves to no the truth and i hope she does find out-i think you should f off and leave her alone. youve already done enough damage and she dont need to hear it from you. hopefully she will hear it from someone who genuinly cares about her and is there to hold her hand when her whole life falls apart.

now go reck someone elses life

[Starnique]

You need to let it go. You was the mistress. The ho. The skank. She is th wife. Queen b. The one he comitted to. Of course he dont want you. When you as a female put yourself in certain situations you need to be able to deal with the outcome. U hurt and now u wanna hurt her? No need to get revenge just because u played second fiddle all this time, only to be denied when it all blew up in the end. I'm not being mean but I'm being real with u.

[VerticalMoon]

The man cheated on his wife. Of course he's a dishonest coward. What did you expect? If somebody acts disreputably in one relationship, they'll usually do it in the next one as well.

I haven't really taken revenge on anyone. Unless you count saying really mean things or trying to guilt trip a person I was mad at. Even then, I usually just ended up feeling bad and liking myself less afterward. It's not worth it.

Just consider this a lesson learned in getting involved with a taken man and move on.

[Starnique]

Also, how is you telling her gonna make your life any diff? His wife is the one married to this jerk. At leastyou can easily move on with your life and be glad u not the one married to him.

[michelle23]

karma is a b**ch. maybe one day when you have your own narcissistic husband and he stabs you in the back-youll no how wrong it is. but most women like you are either too ugly or too spoilt to get their own man sooo onto the next married asshole.

[JoeyFromFriends]

stfu michelle

[michelle23]

dont tell me what to do. im not gonna wipe her tears and pat her on the back and say there there. she got herself into this mess. deal with the consequences

[JoeyFromFriends]

Omg, did you not read what i posted?

[michelle23]

lol why would i listen to you? youve been here 5mins. earn some respect by posting helpful advice-then i MIGHT listen to you. good luck

[HeartIsAching]

Don't sacrifice your self-respect for a momentary cheap thrill. Savor the notion that you CAN, but you WON'T.

Karma will have its effect - on both of you.

[JoeyFromFriends]

This michelle bitch is really grinding my gears tonight. Are there no mods on or something?

[Rowen]

This michelle bitch is really grinding my gears tonight. Are there no mods on or something?

No, you stfu. In fact, on top of that, go **** yourself.

OP, before going out on revenge, you have to dig two graves. In the end, it will never be worth it. So, why would you sacrifice your character for that? It's not worth it.