Facebook And My Man Just Broke My Heart And I Can't Get Over It

[seadiamond]

Now if we can just get his side of the story we might effectively work out this situation.

He tells me he has no interest in her but that he knows she has a crush on him. He just wanted to get his teeth fixed and doesn't believe it's a big deal because he would never cheat on me. He tells me I was being unreasonable, that he was focused on teaching her when I ended up ignored. He also said that I am discounting what he had to offer her in trade and that I am being unreasonable. He does not acknowledge that the ring was left behind. He does not think her not making eye contact and saying bye to me was a big deal.

I ask myself if this is a hill worth dying on. I think that it is. A few weeks ago a woman came over to sell him a few things. She just dropped by. How she knew where we lived I do not know. He gave her cash for some of what she brought over. She said she wanted something in his collection that I really loved. Because she wanted it, he gave it to her, along with the cash. The estimated value of that gift was no less than $75 bucks. She showed me what a beautiful thing he had just given her. I felt uncomfortable as her eye glistened. She walked away with $130 total in cash and merchandise for about $40 worth of stuff. Not a bad deal for her. He then invited her to come look around at HIS new home. Before she left our home, she offered to give him a bunch of home renovation supplies and she told him where she lived. Shortly after she left, he made sure I knew that she had a hole in her crotch as he appraised what she had brought with her.

At this point I don't care if I'm wrong or right. Something's not normal. I don't feel at peace. If it's me, so be it. There's something about this relationship that just makes me feel so freaking weird.

[seadiamond]

your welcome. so whats the plan now? are you moving out? is he? i always think the best way to handle these situations is to show no emotion. be as cold as ice and as sharp as a blade to cut the ties between you. that will hurt him more than being a screaming hysterical mess or an angry psycho trying to claw his eyes out. just act like you dont give a f**k and its his loss. if he needs validation and to stroke his ego with attention from others than he can do it without you. your moving on to find yourself a more confident, secure man annd remember karma is a b**ch. my cheating ex is still miserable years later. im happy so win- win foer me. lose-lose for him

After dialoging with you all, I am starting to see that he interacts with women in ways that help keep his options open, IN FRONT OF ME. Whether he would actually cheat or not remains unknown. All I can say is that I don't feel safe. I'm going to just stay focused on my projects and be polite, calm and as respectful as I can be. I will be the one who needs to move out. I still have my flat. I was keeping it because it's near my mom's house, it's cheap, and it has a 50 foot deck that overlooks the ocean. I'm going to have to ramp up my money making by not spending time on him (he does seem to need a lot of time and reassurance and emotional support regarding family problems) and go from there.

I don't have it in me to be a screaming psycho. I think I am officially emotionally spent and I've already sufficiently expressed my anger and discomfort in the relationship.

I never wanted him to be miserable. I wanted him to be calm and happy. I regret having to take issue with all of the female activity that surrounds him -- but I just don't feel safe or soothed by him about these matters. He's angry at me for being phased by all of the hoovering women. I choose not to live in this lifestyle long-term. Unless some kind of miracle happens, I don't think it is going to work. He seems angry enough to dump me, so there's no negotiating at this point, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

I am glad you are happy. And I'm so sorry you were knowingly cheated on. Boy that sucks. I believe the bad karma comes from really not knowing how to live differently.

[michelle23]

im glad it happened. i learned a lot from that experience. im a stronger woman because of it and i know exactly what i want/dont want as a result. no man will ever make a fool of me again and anyone who tries will be booted out the door.

stay strong. theres so many red flags you dont need proof. i had no proof when it ended-found out the truth a week later but i am a firm believer in following your instincts. your intuition is your best friend.

start planning your escape. there are much better men out there. go find one

[seadiamond]

I wish I was to the point where I would be glad it happened.

I was really in love. So very much in his corner. So wanting him to enjoy life with me. Boohoo. Thanks for affirming and respecting my intuition. I figure that the only thing I have going for me in this situation is my honesty. I'm uncomfortable. He gets angry. Something's weird. It's pretty simple. Remarkable to know you had no proof but sensed it. Intuition is an amazing thing.

I will. I will.

[Valixy]

You shouldn't have to constantly fight in order to be respected and feel loved in this relationship. This must be very tiring and painful for you. Whenever you succeed to forget about one of his indiscretions and you build up again your self-confidence and trust in this relationship and your happiness with this man, another desperate lonely female comes along that has something to offer him or wants something from him and within moments you're back to where you were the last time he disrespected you. You do not deserve to live with this kind of insecurities and feeling threatened by any woman that comes along because he has no boundaries and most probably will flirt with her in front of you breaking your heart little by little again and again. This is the reason why you feel that you are emotionally spent and it's no surprise.

No matter how much you love someone if that person keeps hurting you and doesn't want to take your feelings in consideration when he interacts with other women, you'd be much better without him. Obviously you still love him and you'll miss him but as soon as you will accept that you've seen his true colours and more importantly he's unwilling to change, you'll know what the best decision for you would be. Your peace of mind and your emotional and mental well being are worth much more than a relationship with a man that trades his attention for other women at the expense of your feelings.

[michelle23]

make sure you do hun. this relationship is making you miserable and its not worth it. you cannot have a healthy relationship with someone you dont trust

[seadiamond]

Wow Valixy. Thanks for having my back! I am so spent, it's true. Just completely fatigued. That's how I know something is horribly wrong. I am not bouncing back. The only strength I have at present comes from my spiritual discipline. I feel literally torched and burned inside. Thank you for reflecting back to me exactly what I was fearing about all of this. Thank you so much.

[seadiamond]

Michelle, my struggle is because he's accusing me of not trusting him. I don't know how to convey that it's not as much about trust as it is about his way of interacting with women who want him. He has a close female friend. He treats her well and very differently. She also treats me super well and has extended her friendship to me. In no way shape or form do I feel threatened by her presence in his life. And she's very skinny and most beautiful and fun. Her heart is good and she is very good to me. I adore her and will miss her...lots!

But with some of these other chicks, it's just crazy!

One more example. We go into buy bagels at this one joint he calls his favorite. The owner says right in front of me, "Oh, you coming in with your girlfriend shocked me so much that I almost burnt your bagel. Hahahah." I said to him, "what was that about? And he said, Oh she likes me. I said, so this needs to be your favorite place? It's not mine, her bagels suck. Haha."

Now that comment by the bagel store owner may seem like it isn't his fault, but I swear I just don't want to be around a guy who seems to appease women with no regard for me. It's like I can see his courtship demeanor with the women who want him. It makes me sick that I see these things. But I do. I see them.

I am miserable. That's one thing I know for sure. . .

[namemyname]

Screw his mother, too. Seriously.

This guy is gaslighting you. Not sure if you're familiar with the term in your country, but google it. He's basically trying to make you feel crazy for vocalizing what you see in front of you.

Someone so unwilling to take responsibility and grow, is NOT the guy you want around.

I'm sorry he turned out to be such a turd. BUT, this is why we date, and don't jump right into marriage.

I had a client once who told me he would only marry his wife after spending 4 full seasons with her. Not sure if he expected her to be different in summer or winter - lol, but I think a year is a good base point to date before considering marriage and a serious commitment.

[seadiamond]

I will now listen to Vavaldi's 4 Seasons to engrain your wise words into my mind, namemyname. I guess I find it hard to believe that he would want to do such a thing to me. I was so there for him during his darkest hours. He was very much there for me, too. It just shocks me that he would not care for me -- and elect to gaslight instead. Why do people gaslight? Sounds like something that is done with bad intentions. I will just have to look it up to understand all of this better. Thank you. Thanks also for "Screw his mother, too. Seriously." She drove off like I was a crazy pain in the ass after telling me he won't cheat on me. I didn't like how she treated me, either. Thanks for calling that to my attention.

[michelle23]

id see that as another red flag-getting mommy involved. for feck sake hes a grown man and of course she thinks the sun shines outa his ass SHES HIS MOTHER!

nonody gets that much attention off anyone unless they do something to encourage it. if he has all these women sniffing around-there around coz he wants them to be. thats a fact.

im a good looking confident girl and if i wanted 50men texting me-they would be but i dont. your prob the same-attractive, confident, independant. you could have just as many men sniffing around you but you dont.

believe me hun-hes a player

[paythebills]

Agree with everything michelle said