I'm so depressed.

[wishthngswerdff]

I am just so depressed. I know he's a sick guy- I know he can't change or help what he does or how he is. But yesterday was one of the biggest days of my life- and I was alone. We had plans. All gone now.
I wish so much that he isn't how he really is. He was different in the beginning. He hid so much of who he is and where he comes from. And a lot of other things. When a man wants to fool you- he can. I don't understand why people do that? To be with someone until they get tired of them? How is it worth it? Why not just be yourself and really try it?
I don't even recognize him. I never knew him.
I passed the biggest test of my life yesterday. And now I'm moving forward alone. I know I'm blessed to have him gone now instead of getting married into misery- but I just so wish things weren't as they are.
I can't heal him. He's too broken
I can't hate him. I feel sorry for him and I miss who he was in the beginning.
He was so awful at the end. Mean. I know he's not right, but it still hurts.
I wish things were different.

[michelle23]

he wasnt the right one. Of course he was great in the beginning. They always are. Its not for awhile that you see the real person and all their flaws. Then you decide whether he is worth it or not and it sounds like hes not. Its a good thing its over. You will be okay-it just takes time

[sadbunnyface]

Yikes, can I relate. Michelle gives solid great advice, even go read my thread on my issue she gave advice that would help you as well *hugs* I feel the same too, and it gets to the point it affects your health and well being and you need to stop. Being depressed is a sign for you. If you don't mind me asking what test did you pass?
Does he acknowledge ever he has hurt you? In your post you said you now feel blessed he is gone, maybe take those words to your deepest part of your head and heart and keep repeating them, so it takes hold. I like mantras to get past sorrow and pain, so you stop dwelling negatively and hurting yourself.