Facebook And My Man Just Broke My Heart And I Can't Get Over It

[seadiamond]

Hello people. I've yet to introduce myself formally so for now you can call me Sea. I'm glad all of you are gathered here because I could use some quick advice about my relationship.

There's were two woman he was dating before me on his Facebook page. I voiced that their presence in his feed made me feel uncomfortable. He reassured me that he would delete them both. Weeks later I find that he only deleted one. So I asked him again why he needed to have her on FB. He said he would delete her. So since I'm normally a secure woman, I thought nothing more of these matters.

Well, yesterday I caught my fiance looking at the most beautiful ex-girlfriend's profile picture on Facebook. I asked him why. He said he wanted to see how her little girl was doing.

I lost it.

He explained to me that he was just curious about how she was growing up. He added that he felt I didn't want him (sexually) as I've been on my period this week and haven't been all that intimate with him. He later went on FB and deleted her profile. I noticed that he looked sad.

Guys, I'm freaked. We just bought a small house together. I can't seem to get over what I saw. I don't want to kiss him. I don't want to look at him. I feel like I do not trust him. And I certainly am not inclined to be intimate just yet. I cannot push the idea that he's just going thru the motions with me out of my mind. I am trying to sort out how I feel. I'm trying to get over it. I'm still not over it. He is pressuring me a bit for sex now, and has asked if I'd have sex with him in the shower 2x within the last 8 hours. Later he realized that pressuring is a turn off. Everything seems mighty awkward now. I'm not sure if this relationship will survive. I'm very old fashioned and ultra-loyal. What happened really hurt my feelings. I'm not acting angry towards him but the hurt over what I saw remains all over my face. I'm not over it. This wasn't the type of relationship I wanted.

Got any advice?

[michelle23]

how long have you been together? have you had any problems with him being untrustworthy before? how long ago was he with this ex and how long for? do they talk? was he close to her child? when did he add her on FB or have they always been friends on it?

how would you describe your relationship before this happened? any issues? how is your sex life in general? is he affectionate? do you argue a lot? is he home with you most evenings? how much time do you spend together?

[namemyname]

FB. Killing relationships, one at a time.

You know, I stay in touch with many of my ex-bfs. An occasional phone call, a text, an email. I don't hang out with them, and I rarely see them.

HOWEVER, if I had a partner who insisted I cut ties with any man from my past, just because he was insecure about it, I'd know that relationship would be short-lived.

Your need to control him out of your own issues is what will end your relationship, not him having ex-gf's on FB.

[michelle23]

im friends with a few exes on FB. i never check their page though or photos or talk to them.. plus none of them were serious. went on a few dates with some, was with one for like 6months..

id see it as a red flag though the fact he said he would delete her but didnt and then shortly after-he was looking at her page..

[toknow]

I'm...ultra-loyal.

That's a very beautiful quality!

[4 ratties]

I would wait a few more days and see how u feel. Talk to him more about it too

[seadiamond]

Thanks for the replies. I'd like to answer your questions but it seems as if doing so would be in vain. Despite our relationship strain today, he invited a doctor over for a craft lesson this evening. To bring you up to speed, he informed me that this doctor did free treatments for him in the past. He also made sure I knew how rich she was and also how much she liked him weeks ago.

The first questionable part of the conversation between the two was when he asked her why she wasn't like the other women from the area. She answered it was because she often left town. They chuckled together. So then she whispers to him asking why I didn't want to learn the craft. He replied, "the problem is my broken picker," (suggesting his discontent with me). I struggled to believe what I was hearing, realizing she was making a pass at him by comparing her interest in his craft to mine. That hurt. So I decided to go collect myself. While she was here enjoying her lesson, I waited for a break in what they were doing and then walked up to the desk and mentioned to him that I was going to go read a book on a bench at our local park while the sun set so he wouldn't worry about where I went. He ignored me. He didn't say bye or ok, see you soon. She didn't ignore me. She tapped him on the shoulder and said, "She's going to go read." He made no reply to me. So I said, "Babe, I'm going now, alright precious?" He continued to ignore me in front of this woman. I left feeling crushed.

I returned near the time when the lesson was being wrapped up. I tried to suck it up so I offered to photograph the item he made for her as a craft example. He was reluctant. She looked disenchanted. After I took beautiful photographs, despite the fact that we all knew that the project was her finished gift he worked hours on, she simply left it sitting where I had photographed it. She also left without making any eye contact with me. I felt uncomfortable. She was here to observe and keep the item as a gift in return for the thousands of dollars worth of work she had done for him, supposedly out of the kindness of her heart (even though he later confessed to me that she did the work because she had a crush on him). I figure she was hoping he would hand deliver it when I wasn't around, so I mentioned that to him.

Ultimately, my saying that his conversations with her made me feel uncomfortable, along with my discontent about not being acknowledged, led to him dumping me. He told me that if he wanted to flirt a little to get the treatment he wants then he was free to do so. He called me paranoid and insecure. When I said what if I went to get freebies from men and flirted to get my car fixed or something, would that be okay with you, he said "you won't get the chance. You are vengeful. I'm done with you."

I sense that some of you here may think I deserve to be dumped. But I think I just need to feel more secure in my chosen life long relationship. I don't feel very special to him. I don't feel secure, either.

One more thing, his engagement ring was off during the lesson with the doctor. On his finger now as he sleeps on the couch was the ring they spent 8 hours making together. I'm sure he has a fantastic reason for this as well -- but he's not wearing our ring -- he's wearing hers. I'm just going to try to gracefully move. Nevermind what I invested to secure a home with him. I just got screwed. I've never been insecure in the past -- but something about this relationship makes me feel incredibly insecure and I'd just rather not be in it.

Maybe all of this is why I'm posting here today. Maybe moreso than advice, I need support. I was in love with him and he continues to passively aggressively hurt me and he thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I need to hear that I'm not crazy...

[seadiamond]

how long have you been together? have you had any problems with him being untrustworthy before? how long ago was he with this ex and how long for? do they talk? was he close to her child? when did he add her on FB or have they always been friends on it?

how would you describe your relationship before this happened? any issues? how is your sex life in general? is he affectionate? do you argue a lot? is he home with you most evenings? how much time do you spend together?

Yes, he was in love with her child. I understand that before I met him, he was trying to get this ex girlfriend pregnant (something I learned when I asked him why they were FB friends but never speak. He told me that he wanted to know if she was pregnant or not by seeing what she posted on FB -- of course I was nervous and horrified as I was his current fiance). We have only been together for 6 months. I understand he added her as a FB friend during their affair. They do not talk. She went out with someone else while she was dating him. She was also a heavy drinker, so I learned soon after he was staring at her picture on FB.

The relationship before this happened has been strained. Two of his exs want him back and have told many lies about me. They also alienated his children from him when we purchased our new home. The sex was fantastic -- but the emotional upheaval from baby mama drama was taking a toll on both of our emotions. I am more affectionate with him, in general, but we are both affectionate and were affectionate yesterday despite my discomfort about him staring at an ex on facebook. We have just begun to argue over this past week. Prior to this week, things were pretty smooth. We had two arguments in six months prior to our trouble this week. We spend a lot of time together. We are both self employed.

[seadiamond]

FB. Killing relationships, one at a time.

You know, I stay in touch with many of my ex-bfs. An occasional phone call, a text, an email. I don't hang out with them, and I rarely see them.

HOWEVER, if I had a partner who insisted I cut ties with any man from my past, just because he was insecure about it, I'd know that relationship would be short-lived.

Your need to control him out of your own issues is what will end your relationship, not him having ex-gf's on FB.

Would you stay in touch, or feel the need to stay in touch with a prior sex partner, even if you were about to marry? May I ask your age?

I expressed discomfort about one FB girl because she was texting him about how much she missed him, sending texts about how much better she was than me, texting him at 6am, and telling him that I was crazy when I shared with her that we were engaged. I expressed discomfort about the other FB girl because she posts a lot of pictures in his feed and he told me that he had no issues with getting her pregnant, even tho he told me he didn't want her because she drank too much.

Honestly, I've never been around a man who got so much action from women. I am a bit simpler than that. I don't keep former sex partners on my FB page. I'd prefer to date a 300 pound man if he appreciated me. And I'm not controlling -- but I do believe in being honest about how things leave me feeling. I figure that if I'm wrong -- answers will add up and I can let the concern go (a self protective, self respecting, self nurturing habit I want to keep). And I figure that if I do express a lack of confidence, any man who I'll be giving my entire life to will be willing to tell me how special I am and hold me. Maybe I need that from my future husband. Does that make me weird? I also believe that a little display of insecurity about something isn't the end of the world or an act of control.

In this case, nothing added up. . .he remained attached to both: one by staring at her picture and the other by way of phone calls and text -- these things to me going on in life and on facebook represent a type of emotional infidelity of sorts. He seems to enjoy befriending women who have active crushes on him. I'm not comfortable with this. And no matter what he says -- if he was willing to get a woman pregnant, yet he claims he doesn't want her because she drank too much, yet he stares at her picture -- something feels very wrong.

I'm about to marry and give my life to this man. I've never been married before. Marriage is very serious to me.

Oh yes, and instead of talking to me about the strife we now encounter -- he called some woman I never met and confided in her! Not a life long friend, yet another woman he met while he was dating before we met. Can anyone tell me if I really am crazy for feeling insecure in the midst of all of this interaction/activity involving females who he wanted to date or want to date him?

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[toknow]

Would you stay in touch, or feel the need to stay in touch with a prior sex partner, even if you were about to marry? May I ask your age?

I expressed discomfort about one FB girl because she was texting him about how much she missed him, sending texts about how much better she was than me, texting him at 6am, and telling him that I was crazy when I shared with her that we were engaged. I expressed discomfort about the other FB girl because she posts a lot of pictures in his feed and he told me that he had no issues with getting her pregnant, even tho he told me he didn't want her because she drank too much.

Honestly, I've never been around a man who got so much action from women. I am a bit simpler than that. I don't keep former sex partners on my FB page. I'd prefer to date a 300 pound man if he appreciated me. And I'm not controlling -- but I do believe in being honest about how things leave me feeling. I figure that if I'm wrong -- answers will add up and I can let the concern go (a self protective, self respecting, self nurturing habit I want to keep).

In this case, nothing added up. . .he remained attached to both: one by staring at her picture and the other by way of phone calls and text -- these things to me going on in life and on facebook represent a type of emotional infidelity of sorts. He seems to enjoy befriending women who have active crushes on him. I'm not comfortable with this. And no matter what he says -- if he was willing to get a woman pregnant, yet he claims he doesn't want her because she drank too much, yet he stares at her picture -- something feels very wrong.

I'm about to marry and give my life to this man. I've never been married before. Marriage is very serious to me.

You seem like a very honest and decent person. You are not in the wrong here. The problem is not that you care so much, but that he doesn't seem to care enough. He should do everything in his power to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable and not put you in such situations. It's so careless what he is doing, and then he blames you for it. Don't know if continuing this would be the right thing.

[seadiamond]

You seem like a very honest and decent person. You are not in the wrong here. The problem is not that you care so much, but that he doesn't seem to care enough. He should do everything in his power to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable and not put you in such situations. It's so careless what he is doing, and then he blames you for it. Don't know if continuing this would be the right thing.

Toknow, I don't know you. But words cannot express how much your reassurance means to me before I retire for the night. Thank you so much for your kind words. My self esteem is taking a swift beating as I endure these things. I've never been in a situation like this. If I can ever repay you somehow, just know that you have a new and grateful digital friend. Thank you.

[toknow]

Toknow, I don't know you. But words cannot express how much your reassurance means to me before I retire for the night. Thank you so much for your kind words. My self esteem is taking a swift beating as I endure these things. I've never been in a situation like this. If I can ever repay you somehow, just know that you have a new and grateful digital friend. Thank you.

You are very welcome, I've only pointed out what I see to be the truth, so I don't expect anything in return, but I appreciate your warm response. Qualities like loyalty, honesty, monogamy are so valuable, beautiful, and pure that to overlook them is to be fully blind. That's why a relationship based on those qualities is so valuable, it must be looked after with great care and appreciation.

[rafterman]

Ask him to have a joint FB account, if he has nothing to hide he will agree. If he declines.... then he sounds shifty. Approach with caution... You're right, marriage is a big thing. There's alot at stake if it all goes belly up.

[TablesandChairs]

You don't have to be the 'insecure type' in order to feel insecure; some people inspire these feelings in their partner through their actions.

I think him looking at an ex's FB page would not have been a huge issue if you felt okay in the relationship but I don't think you did. He invites women with 'crushes' on him over, he is rude to you in front of them and he seems to have a string of women on 'stand by' at all times. On top of that, he thinks it's okay to 'flirt' and lead women on just so he can get freebies? That sort of leans towards prostitution. He acts like he's single then wonders why you're insecure.

Unless you know yourself to be the insecure/jealous type, then I'd say the insecurity is caused by his actions - I think disloyalty is something we can sense from the various bits and pieces of information we absorb but ignore at the time. You guys need to have a talk but the way he treated you in front of his doctor friend/craft friend (whoever) shows a lot of disrespect.

[michelle23]

Honestly I am shaking my head here. You have only been together 6 months and you are engaged and bought a house together? To me that is crazy. Too much, too soon. You dont even really know this man. 6 months is NOT enough time to make such major life commitments.

Now I think you had a lucky escape here. I see red flags everywhere. All these women sniffing around around trying to cause issues between you. Hes a typical player hun and I bet hes been cheating on you from day one.

You need to open your eyes and learn to spot the bad ones sooner. Dont stick your head in the clouds allow the romance to make you blind and stop making impulsive rash decisions like marriage, buying a house, kids. If a man asked me to marry him after 6 months-I would run a mile and think there is somthing wrong with him. You cant decide who your gonna spend your whole life with in 6 months and when it all happens too fast-it ends in tears.

If a man treated me like that-the way he did when his "friend" was there-he would be dumped within 3 seconds flat and I would be gone like a bullet. Im sensing doormat here