Silent treatment...

[confused111]

Hi everyone I was wondering if I could get some advice from an outsider perspective as looking at it from my side I am so confused.

I met a man online around 8 months ago and we began dating and got into a relationship. He had a month's worth of time off (he'd just returned from afghan) and came and spent it with myself and my children (aged 1 and 5) he pretty much lived here the whole time and then moved to his new base which is in Stafford (I live in his hometown wakefield)

He is 41 and I am 25. Some say that older/younger relationships don't work but I am pretty mature for my age so it was never any kind of issue. He was married for 14 years prior to me and has 2 daughters (12 and 8) who I met during his time off.

When he had moved he would come back and visit every other weekend and one weekend we had an argument (basically he'd been talking about an issue we had with one of his female friends) We fell pregnant and I miscarried. I wouldn't have minded however people didn't know about the baby and I'd have liked to have thought it was private. He stormed out and left and didn't talk to me for 5 days. I eventually sent all his personal things to his address and he apologised and said he hated confrontation so he went quiet instead of understanding why I was upset and dealing with the issue and moving on. We got back together and the last 3 months have been bliss. We've been away by ourselves, I've visited him there and he's been here.

I was having issues, feeling weak and dizzy and he said something along the lines of "oh Caroline had that, it was this and the doctors gave her this". I explained to him I know he was trying to reassure me however I didn't want to hear about her.

Since the relationship began I've heard over the months things like "oh she shopped at monsoon and spent a fortune" "we owned this car, we did this, we did that" I attempted to explain to him that while I understood he was married for a long time. What THEY did wasn't my business and I didn't want him bringing her up anymore - not jealousy but who like's to hear about their other halves ex?

He has gone silent yet again. It's been 48 hours since that happened. Nothing I do he will reply too. Won't answer his phone, facebook (even though it shows he has seen the messages) Nothing.

We are a very close couple and speak often through out the day, it helps with the distance.

I'm just at a loss as to what to do now. I love him and I know he love's me but I don't want to be punished by the silent treatment just for expressing how I feel.

Any advice is welcomed I'd appreciare it

Thanks

[michelle23]

Id get rid of him and find a man who lives closer and is younger.

[basilandthyme]

You should only need to remind him once. If he keeps doing it, then this is who he is. And if talking about his ex a lot is part of what he does, then either accept it or move on. But continually reminding him about it just comes across as criticism and nagging.

[smackie9]

This man obviously hasn't moved on from his marriage and still relates to her in almost every aspect of his life. You have every justification to say "There isn't enought room for the 3 of us in this relationship". If he is bent out of shape over it and can't fathom his life without mentioning all the things he has done with his ex, then you need to find a man that doesn't walk with the shadow of his ex.

[confused111]

As far as i am concerned an ex is an ex for a reason. I understand through have children they will forever be connected thats to be expected however making her the third wheel didnt sit well with me clearly.

Ive made the call to let him be. He may or may not realize where the error is however i am not to blame and wont be punished as if i am the error

[michelle23]

I think your second best to him and hes second best to you. Is there any point dragging this out any further? You should really set your standards higher. Your a young woman. Why would you want a middle aged man with a ton of baggage and emotional issues. If he hasnt figured out by now how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner-he never will. Storming out and ignoring you for days is 13year old princess behaviour. Its unacceptable in an adult relationship and you should tell him not to bother coming back.

Lifes too short to be putting up with this crap. Ill give you one tip: your not even together a year and theres more issues than you can count. This should be the honeymoon period where everything seems perfect. Its a warning sign that you are no good together

[confused111]

I am beginning to realize that that is the case. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone or vice versa its not always enough. He is second best to my children, i look like i am third best right now.

His age was never an issue, him being middle aged and myself being younger was simply a connection completely age unrelated.

[michelle23]

Your right love is not enough-especially if its one sided. You have to love yourself more and put your own mental and emotional wellbeing first. This relationship wont last no matter what you do to try and make it work.

Sure itl hurt for awhile, every breakup does but pain is only temporary and youll get over it in a matter of months. Rip off that bandaid quickly and efficiently and go live your life

[confused111]

Thought I would update this. Still no word so I ended it a few days ago. It's such a shame he didn't have the balls to at least tell me it was over! No looking back now

[smackie9]

Good now you can get on with your life.....and be a little wiser too

[michelle23]

well done now go buy a new outfit and go out with your girls to celebrate your newfound singledom. champagne and strawberries-then when your ready go find yourself a nice young man who lives close to home

[namemyname]

Why are you so opposed to birth control? 25 with 2 kids, and you got pregnant by this guy? I think you should be a little smarter about that to begin with...

Separately, he's not that into you. Like the others said, find someone your own age.

[Boisdevie]

Why are you so opposed to birth control? 25 with 2 kids, and you got pregnant by this guy? I think you should be a little smarter about that to begin with...

Yeah, I've heard that birth control is easily available in 3rd world countries like the UK. Might be worth giving it a try before you really **** up your life. And getting up the duff after just 8 months with the guy? You must be absolutely bloody crazy.

[paythebills]

Yeah, why are you so opposed to birth control?

[lalalita]

Where are you all reading she's opposed to birth control?