Need Advice on Boyfriend

[Nia15]

I'm new on here and joined so I could get something off my chest because I feel like I'm becoming obsessed over it.

Ok, a little background about myself and him. I'm 23 and he's 26. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 19 when he moved away for college. We got back together when I was 21 and very shortly after, I got pregnant. Things have been really good for the past two years, he's a great father to our son and I'm really happy with our relationship. He works his ass off for us so I can stay home and go to school. I really think I love him and we've even talked about getting married. He had one other real relationship before we started dating, which ended badly.

Now, this is what's been bothering me. As I said before, he works a lot, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. He has a garage bay underneath his dad's office where he works on cars and does body work for his friends and his dad's clients. He was there last weekend when he came home around noon for lunch, and he told me that his ex-girlfriend showed up at his shop. He was very excited and seemed really happy, saying that he hadn't seen her in seven years and it felt good to know there was no hard feelings between them. I thought it was kinda strange but didn't make anything of it because it seemed like the past was in the past.

Fast forward to that night when he comes home. Our son was asleep and we were on the porch, he was drinking a couple beers and started talking about his ex-girlfriend again and how crazy it was that she showed up. I agreed and tried to talk about something else but he went right back talking about her, which made me a little uncomfortable. He was saying how she has two kids and she's super skinny. I'm a little chubby and have been struggling to lose the last of my baby weight, so it really hurt hearing him talk about her like that. His voice just sounded so happy that it made my stomach turn. He told me the stuff they talked about, like how she's been trying to find him on facebook, how her boyfriend is in jail, she even asked him if he would detail her car and expected a discount. It seems like she was there for quite a while for them to talk about all the stuff they did. His exact words were 'she was talking to me like I was single and then I brought your name up'. Like, how long were you flirting before you mentioned you had a girlfriend and a family? I know she went there all done-up looking for attention and she got it. Ugh, it's making me sick typing this. Him and her have a LOT of history together, they dated for a couple years in high school, she ended up pregnant and got an abortion. There relationship was not healthy so I just don't understand why he's so happy about seeing her.
I really don't think he would hook up with her, but it's so hard for me to shake the thought from my mind. I just picture her showing up at his shop with some beer and her ass hanging out and he just goes for it. I guess I don't trust him enough, even though I have no real reason not to. I know I should because he at least told me all this stuff. I don't want to bring all of this up to him because I feel like I'm completely over-thinking it. I'd be destroyed if he cheated on me with her. I just don't know what to do and needed to get it all out.

Sorry if it's all over the place and too long, thank you for reading and any advice is appreciated.


Nia

[namemyname]

People with nothing to hide, aren't hiding anything.

So, if he was planning to hook up with her, he'd never have mentioned her.

It sounds like she probably dumped him, and he's enjoying feeling validated by her attention. Nothing more. Have you ever been dumped by someone who then sniffs around again? It's a great feeling, actually.

Don't start getting all jealous and suspicious. That never goes anywhere good.

BUT, it might be a good time to start prettying yourself up a bit and planning some very sexy evenings at home. I firmly believe that if women don't take care of their man, someone else will...

[michelle23]

your right to be concerned. id just like to point out that 9 times out of then when someone cheats-theit partner automatically knows who they cheated with coz they talk about that person a lot so him telling you about her doesnt mean anything..

sounds like hes infatuated by her-so happy and excited-even comenting on her looks. its a major red flag. you do need to tell him how you feel about this straight away.

ask him does he still have feelings for her. tell him the way he spoke about her is making you feel sick and you dont trust her. ask him is he gonna tell her to stay away from him? ask him are you and your baby more important or is he gonna throw it all away?

if he doesnt man up and tell her to get lost-then you need to decide whether your gonna sit around while your bf has an emotional affair with his ex which will likely lead to him cheating on you or leaving you or are you gonna take control of the situation and take your kid and walk out the door?

that may be the only way to save your relationship. if you leave before something happens it will take the focus off her and place it on you and may make him see sense before its too late

[VerticalMoon]

Don't worry about writing too much in your post. The more detail you provide, the better of a response people can give.

Anyway, I think what your boyfriend is going through is what happens to a lot of people when they regain contact with an old lost love. There's a lot of excitement that can come from reconnecting with somebody who's reappeared from the past. It happens a lot even when people find an old friend. However, with an old love it can be dangerous because it can easily lead to the temptation to have an affair. Your boyfriend might not be consciously thinking that he wants an affair. That doesn't mean he wouldn't get swept into it. Unless he's actively got a plan to avoid it, it's likely that he could end up in one before he realizes what he's getting himself into. Just because they had a bad relationship before doesn't mean it won't be easy for him to forget the bad times and only remember the good feelings.

If I was you, I would set some definite boundaries with him right now. If he wants to stay in contact with her, he has to be open with you about all of the communication between them. If he wants to see her in person again, you have to be there too. An affair can't happen as long as nothing is hidden from you. Let him know you have to be welcomed into the friendship as well, or else it won't continue. Just tell him that you would feel really uncomfortable with them staying in contact otherwise. If he cares about you, he'll place you and your feelings ahead of her. Good luck!

[smackie9]

Hah, he is quite dim isn't he. I guess he felt flattered, but (as I said he is quite dim) is stupidly oblivious to her intentions of showing up out of the blue. It's too early to get all up in his face about it. I would just let this pass, this one time. If there is anymore talk or more interaction with her, then it's time to express your feelings and concerns. Communication is key.