Getting married and not sure + another woman has entered the picture

[ts10873]

My situation has me really confused. I’ve been with a woman for the last 2 years and this past Valentine’s Day we got engaged. But also in the last year our relationship has grown more and more stale. Also she has gotten messages from her ex (also someone she has was engaged to). He’s even emailed me and talked trash about me and threatened me all to try and cause problems. Some of it has work but some hasn’t. Anyway back around March after getting engaged is when I noticed things just seemed off. When I talked to my fiancé about the issues, she claims it just us settling into our routines and growing comfortable around each other. I see it as growing lazy in our relationship. Also there are the issues of her 3 kids. A 22 year old with 2 infants and another on the way, sleeping on the couch and getting high every chance he gets, an 18 year old that failed high school cause he was too busy skipping school to get his next fix or mess with a girl and the one that bothers me the most is the 12 year old that is babied so much that he still gets a bath from his mom and tucked in every night and cries when his mom is late home from work. I’ve tried to overlook a lot of these things but it’s really taken it’s toll on me here lately. So I’ve been talking to a coworker about my situation (a female). We been talking for about the last 4 months and everything has been very platonic. But 2 weeks ago she mentioned she didn’t think she could be impartial any more that she was developing feelings for me and felt she needed to distance herself from me. At first I tried to be understanding but have realized that I also have feelings for her too. My fiancé loves me unconditionally but the outside issues are pushing me away and she becomes very defensive when I try to voice my issues in the house with the kids or our relationship. I’m having serious doubts about marriage now and this new interested has made me really question how sincere I really am about getting married. My fiancé wants this marriage really bad and has spent a small fortune on the wedding and honeymoon already and it’s down to less than 3 months. I feel like a complete ass every time I consider calling it off and ending the relationship because I know she loves me and would take care of me but the “spark” or whatever you call it seems gone. Plus I’ve grown very curious about a relationship with my friend. She is not pushing me to make any decisions and has said many times she just wants me to be happy and if that is with my fiancé then that is what she wants, but if I choose to leave and become single she wants me know I have other options. This is all very confusing to me because I don’t want to hurt anyone and now no matter what I do one person will get hurt. But I’m not sure I love my fiancé like I should to enter into a marriage. I’m looking for any advice and will provide additional feedback or history if someone has any suggestions for me.

[Cerby]

Simple, you don't believe in the marriage, so you shouldn't go through with it. This is the simple truth.

If you're concerned about the money she has spent, ask her to show you receipts indicating what she has lost as far as money goes AFTER she cancels any plans/reservations. Any cancellations fees and lost deposits just arrange to pay her back, and call the relationship over.

You're pining over a new woman, which means that this marriage will fail eventually, whether it be before or after you put the rings on.

Also - you dodge the bullet that is all of the kids and babies running around, ****, I can barely deal with a dog let alone someone elses kids and grandkids.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why the **** did you even ask her to marry you?

Dump, immediately.

[Wakeup]

What are you looking to hear, here? That you should leave your fiance?

I think you should leave both woman and learn how to pick a winner and if you can't do that, learn to know when to leave a loser before she thinks you want to marry her.

*looks in crystal ball*

I see you jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[michelle23]

i always think 1-2 years together is too soon to get engaged. your still in the infatuation stage,havnt even figured out yet whether or not your compatable which is really silly.

i too think you should end this relationship but NOT because you have lined up a plan B with your emotional affair partner who you refer to as your "friend" but because its not working and your not happy. then take some time out-at least 6months before you act on those "feelings" for your "friend" or else she will just be a rebound

[smackie9]

Your relationship fails....even for marriage....get out now.

[Frosty35]

i always think 1-2 years together is too soon to get engaged. your still in the infatuation stage,havnt even figured out yet whether or not your compatable which is really silly

That's so stupid. 2 years is a fine time to get engaged. People can also be engaged for some time, like another year. You're just pissed tht ur "amazing" bf hasn't put a ring on it in 5 freaking years. Please. Your "perfect bf" as you always make him seem can't be that perfect if he still doesn't know if he wants to marry you after 5 years. You been together since you were 18? Hmm great.

[michelle23]

That's so stupid. 2 years is a fine time to get engaged. People can also be engaged for some time, like another year. You're just pissed tht ur "amazing" bf hasn't put a ring on it in 5 freaking years. Please. Your "perfect bf" as you always make him seem can't be that perfect if he still doesn't know if he wants to marry you after 5 years. You been together since you were 18? Hmm great.

haha are you serious? you are the one who sounds jealous. I am 23 years old. I am not ready to get married and neither is he plus we cannot afford it. And where I come from it is not normal to get married so fast. My parents were together 9 years before getting married, my uncle was with his wife for 12 years before getting married. Me and my partner live together, we are buying a house together-I dont need a ring to prove he loves me