I have a hardtime "hanging out" with my girlfriend.

[afroman]

So the other night my girlfriend and I went to a concert. Right when we get there, she says she needs to use the bathroom. So we go and wait in line for the bathroom.

She says she has to go to the bathroom a few times more during the concert.. It gets to the point where we spend most of our time waiting in line for the bathroom and her complaining to me about how no one there wants to talk to her (I had a lot of friends there) when she wasn't even putting anything into the conversations.. I even introduced her to everyone I talked to there.

After she went to the bathroom for the 4th time, she told me she had a stomach problem and that we needed to leave. I missed the last two bands (out of three) at the concert who I really wanted to see and we left. I had been looking forward to this concert for a few weeks now too. After we left, she seemed to feel fine cause she stopped complaining about her stomach and didn't have to use the bathroom once for the rest of the night.



Earlier today we were hanging out too. She was complaining about how her sister is a bitch to her.. Then she went off on a tangent talking about how her parents asked if she'd like to go to the Caribbean with them for her Christmas present this year, and how she didn't want to get tortured spending time with them as a gift. She was non-stop complaining in rage for 2 hours then I asked her "Why are you so angry?" and she started crying.

She also decided to tell off all of her friends a few weeks ago.. Even though I do think they are kind of crappy people, I don't think she had to be so mean about it. Usually when I get sick of friends, I start making new ones and branch off a little bit from the old ones but still keep in touch. But she just decides to go ahead and burn those bridges.


I've been in a long term relationship with her for about 10 months now, every time I hang out with her, I am more and more depressed. I think it's beginning to become very severe. The other day, I just didn't show up to work and got fired because I was stressed and anxious about how my girlfriend had said she wanted to hurt herself. She's also the kind of person who I can't do things on a whim with (take a bus to a major city, go to a museum, go to a movie etc..) on the day of.. Everything has to be planned out in advance with times to leave and return. However, I am on the more spontaneous side and am not too well organized with planning stuff ahead of time.


I want to break up with her, but we were good friends for years.. And I'm afraid she will hurt herself as she has mentioned doing in the past. I am also a little bit afraid of being lonely, however I feel lonely all ready. I feel like a mental case right now.

[lalalita]

I don't consider a 10 month relationship "long term". You sound young. If you're already miserable after 10 months, do you honestly think things will improve in 5 years? 10 years?

You said yourself you want to break up with her. You've already made your decision.

It isn't your responsibility to baby her. From what it sounds, she's the type who threatens to "hurt herself" for attention.

[michelle23]

drama queen, clingy, toxic, manipulative, attention seeking b**ch. sorry to be so blunt but this girl is toxic and you can do a lot better then her.

first of all she is trying to isolate you from your friends so she can have you all to herself, she lies to get her own way (stomach upset), she pushes everyone close away (self destructive), and obviously has a lot of problems.

you have only been together 10 months. that is not long term. what you have with her is not love, its poison and you gotta get her outa your life before she destroys you. it will be like the weight of the world has lifted.

i suggest you talk to her mum or sister, say you have to end it coz your no good for each other but your worried she may do something stupid so ask them to keep an eye on her but tell them not to say you said anything. then you have to just man up and tell her its over, your feelings have changed and your not happy.

your not responsible for her actions and dont allow her to guilt trip you into staying with her. if she threatens to hurt herself-ask her nicely to go and get some counselling as she needs help and you dont want her to harm herself but you cannot be together and its better if your not friends either.

when your finely free-take some time out, be alone for awhile so you can heal and also for her benefit. itl hurt her more if you move on quickly so give her some time to get over you first.

best of luck

[Starnique]

Just tell her you like her a better as a friend. You cherish ya'll friendship but you don't feel like the two of you are compatible. Its better to do it now because you probably can still manage to be friends rather then have a bad break up and end up hating each other, although I have a feeling that she will not want to be your friend anymore and make you feel like a bad guy. But that's how it is sometimes.

[4 ratties]

......Run. Now.

[AbigailR]

I'd rather be lonely than deal with that.

[TablesandChairs]

She's got some issues, obviously. She might be a control freak (would explain not liking to do things unless they're planned in advance) and she also seems uptight, unfriendly and ungrateful. It's not okay for you to be feeling so bad that you just don't show up to work...so my advice is to get her to see a therapist (wanting to hurt herself is not something you can help her with on your own). Try to help her because she's your girlfriend and that's what partners do BUT set up boundaries - you cannot be getting so stressed out that you jeopardize your employment.

[basilandthyme]

Agree with all of the above EXCEPT I just want to say that stomach upset can be a sign of anxiety. She may not be imagining the feelings. Though call me harsh, but I would have let her go to the bathroom alone.

Having said that, if she's having anxiety issues at a concert where you've gone out of your way to include her, then you still need to look for someone else.