Relationship question

[Dieselfan]

I figured that the best way to really understand a woman is to ask a woman.
A little on my background. The last relationship that I was in was very abusive. I endured the abuse for 2 years before ending the relationship. Needless to say I stayed in for so long because I had fallen in love with my ex's kids, so I figured I would stay in order to keep them from being hurt. Well I finally had enough and got the hell out.

My current girlfriend and I have been friends for going on 15 years. Never had we thought about dating until about 2 months ago. Weve pretty much seen each other everyday since the beginning minus a couple days a week. Shes given me a key to her house and told me that she loves me. Two days ago she even went to Davids Bridal to try on wedding gowns. Her demeanor has been pretty much the same until yesterday. She basically got up went to work and came back, but her mood was completely different. I asked what was wrong and she said that she was tired. We have always had great communication and she was very short with me. I asked why she was tired and pretty much was ignored. Finally after I was able to get her to tell me her feelings she said that she wanted a couple days to herself to miss me. Now to fill in we are both smart ellics. So I responded with or maybe a week or two, her response was basically that that was not going to happen. So last night before I left I asked her why she didnt say this sooner and she responded that she didnt want to hurt my feelings and didnt want me to leave angry. I gave her a hug she kissed me and told me that she loved me and I went home. She asked me to call her when I got back due to the rain just to make sure that I was safe. I did but when I did I told her that I would refrain from contacting her until she was ready to talk, she seemed a little upset that I suggested not talking to her at all. Right before we got off she again said that she just wanted some her time and that she loved me and would talk to me later. Well today I sent her a message explaining that I was not upset and that I was upset for not being as attentive to her feelings and needs as I should have been and said I would see her in a few days. She hasnt responded.

I know for fact that most women will not bring up marriage or engagement unless it is something that they are thinking about. Certainly not to the extent of looking for engagement rings or trying on wedding gowns. My last relationship 2 years ago has made me apologizing a habit and it is one that she has told me that I need to stop. I have read other forums and such and seen a lot of negativity and what seems resentment towards women that all women on seek time to themselves when they are trying to test the waters. Though I have seen her in prior relationships and when she is done with someone she is very blunt about it. Maybe, I'm hoping that I am being paranoid and just working myself up over nothing. I wish that I could just allow myself to be happy, rather than worrying that I will say or do the wrong thing.

Ladies, I am open to all advice. Im just trying to make sense of everything and see if Im just allowing my head to make things into somehting bigger than it is.

Thank you for your time.

[michelle23]

i generally think when someone asks for space its the beginning of the end. you had a friendship for a long time and obviously get on very well but that doesnt mean you would make a good couple. i find it very odd that she has even mentioned weddings so soon. its still early days. rushing into anything is never a good idea and id see that as a warning sign. and now it seems like she is having doubts.

try not to worry so much though. IF this doesnt work out you will be okay. have you ever considered counselling for what you have been through in your last relationship. you also need to learn to stop saying sorry-you havnt done anything wrong

[bluesummer]

You said that you were spending almost every day together and maybe you just need to rein it in a bit and just let her know that there's no rush for this relationship. You can take things slow. If it really is love, you've got all the time in the world to try and building a loving and stable relationship, marriage doesn't have to come into the equation so quickly. Just tell her you love her and you want the relationship to be the best it can be. The strongest relationships occur between two people who love each other enough to know it's secure enough not to require each other's company 24/7. Honestly.

Maybe she's worried that she got ahead of herself, which upsets her and makes her a bit moody. She probably doesn't mean to take it out on you, she's not not sure how to change the message she's been sending without possibly 'offending' you. In the end, the only real way to solve this is to have an honest discussion. Just reassure her that you're happy (I'm assuming you are) and that it's okay to go slower.

[4 ratties]

She just wants space. Leave her alone. It's a good