Nice girl with sorta mean BFF?

[geneiusxie]

I know this girl who's pretty nice and we're good friends, but her best friend is kinda mean sometimes. Not mean like a bully, just gets mad easily. I get the impression that her bff judges people a lot. Like, if I'm late to a meeting, or just says something stupid to fool around she'll give me a look and maybe say something in a demeaning tone of voice.

I've read time and time again that which friends someone hangs out with will have similar personalities as them and is a good indicator of whether or not they might be mean and stuff, but is that always true? I kinda want to be in a relationship with her and she's really nice to me and to her friends, and she's really friendly, but she's also shy and her best friend is also shy. (Or, just really judgemental and refuses to associate with those she judges to be unfit for her or something really stuck-up like)

So is she actually a nice person or just pretends to be nice? Maybe passive-aggressive? Maybe she just happens to be BFF's with a really mean and judgemental person? And why would someone pretend to be nice but aren't anyway?

[Ariel]

You shouldn't judge somebody based on their friends. Yes, it's natural to wonder why somebody would associate themselves with somebody so mean but it's not instantly a reflection of their own personality. The friend may have a different persona/side when in intimate scenarios - the behaviour you experience may just be a front or an act.

[surfhb2]

Btw.....more often then not, the BFF usually can be know to talk shit about boyfriends

[vashti]

I've read time and time again that which friends someone hangs out with will have similar personalities as them and is a good indicator of whether or not they might be mean and stuff, but is that always true?

I don't think so. I've aways heard we associate with people who embody characteristics we lack, or perhaps admire. For example, I tend to keep most negative things to myself because I am a people-pleaser by nature. The people I associate with or are drawn to are generally much more outspoken than I am. Although I find their bluntness shocking at times, I have to admit that on a certain level, I wish I could be so open, and they can usually be counted on to say out loud the things I keep to myself.

[geneiusxie]

I don't think so. I've aways heard we associate with people who embody characteristics we lack, or perhaps admire. For example, I tend to keep most negative things to myself because I am a people-pleaser by nature. The people I associate with or are drawn to are generally much more outspoken than I am. Although I find their bluntness shocking at times, I have to admit that on a certain level, I wish I could be so open, and they can usually be counted on to say out loud the things I keep to myself.

nope. she's not a people pleaser. She knows when to say no or to tell someone to go away when she should.

Also, do girls and their BFF's almost always have similar views about other people? Like, if one girl thinks that this guy is attractive or interesting, would her BFF's think the same way?

[michelle23]

i think that means if all her friends are horrible. they say birds of a feather flock together which is kinda true. example bunch of guys who all treat women badly-dont fall for one of their friends coz he wouldnt associate wth such horrible people if he thought their behaviour is unacceptable and theres a 99% chance that hes just like them and only pretending to be nice.

however if only one of her friends come across as a bitch-it doesnt automatically mean she is. her friend prob has good qualities that you dont see

[basilandthyme]

Also, do girls and their BFF's almost always have similar views about other people? Like, if one girl thinks that this guy is attractive or interesting, would her BFF's think the same way?

Oh God no. I've got some good female friends who's partners I would not be happy with

[Emereldess]

For example, I tend to keep most negative things to myself because I am a people-pleaser by nature.

And I'm Santa Clause's wife lol

[michelle23]

Also, do girls and their BFF's almost always have similar views about other people? Like, if one girl thinks that this guy is attractive or interesting, would her BFF's think the same way?

No. Me and my friends have completely different taste in men. lol My two best friends are actually complete opposites to me. We don't have much in common but get on really well. One is really shy, quiet and gentle. Shes not shy around me obviously but is around most people. I'm more social, outgoing, not shy but reserved around people i don't know. My other bff is very spontaneous, kinda mad, loves tatoes, dying her hair bright colors, piercings etc and has a wild personality.

[vashti]

nope. she's not a people pleaser. She knows when to say no or to tell someone to go away when she should.

Do you think people pleasers lack all boundaries? I can say no and tell someone to get lost if I need to; the problem is usually trying to please the ones you care about.

Anyway, you missed my point. Oh well. I'll try again. I think general lifestyles are usually in sync with friends - people who like to party hang out together, nerds hang out together, etc, but personalities are distinct.

[4 ratties]

I can see how that theory may be true. But me and my longest friend Amanda are Completle opposites in personality, likes, dislikes, but we still get along great